It’s official: Justin Bieber definitely cheated on Selena Gomez, and that’s why they broke up, probably. Otherwise, why would Selena be ripping off one of Justin Timberlake‘s crappier songs? Why couldn’t she be singing ‘Sexy Back’ or something? Why’s it got to be ‘Cry Me a River’ unless, of course, she’s singing it in Justin (Bieber)’s eye, kind of like how Justin (Timberlake) did to Britney? Are we going to watch Justin Bieber melt down like Britney Spears did, now? Is Justin Bieber going to shave his head, attack people with umbrellas, drive around under the influence of meth, and cry in front of photographers while sitting on street corners and petting stray dogs? Is this what we have to look forward to with Justin Bieber? Because guys … if it is … I’m so f-cking in. Hand me some popcorn and a pen, ’cause I want to write all this shit down so I never forget it.