Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Chris Brown Has a New (?) Girlfriend (?)

photo of chris brown and some chick pictures
Who is this chick? And why is she in bare feet? Doesn’t she see all the oil spots on the road from all of the dirty, loud cars? Or maybe they’re not oil spots at all. No, maybe all those spots are spit, and Chris Brown spit to boot. I can see Chris Brown being a nasty, foul spitter-all-over-the-place(r). That’s about par for the course when it comes to him and his disgusting behaviors.

No, but really, Rihanna and Karreuche are probably going to be totally pissed about all this. See, this chick here? This blonde girl? Well, she just happened to be leaving the same club on the same night as Chris Brown, and instead of hopping in her cab, which was parked next to Chris’s car (not pictured), she opted for hopping in onto Chris lap, much to his apparent glee. The girl eventually returned to her waiting taxi, but not before angling for a photo opportunity with … well, you-know-who (not Voldemort).

Why, though, will Rihanna and Karreuche be all pissed, like I said? Well, because they’re not going to believe that this blonde chick was just a rando, and an innocent rando at that (let me rephrase: an innocent rando with poor, poor taste). No, they’re totally going to believe that Chris took this chick home and banged the daylights out of her, because that’s what Chris and his schlong do best—bang the daylights out of women. Oh, and his fists, too. His fists do that as well.

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