I really wanted to put “asshole” up there instead of “douchebag,” because I feel like the two words have different meanings – an asshole is unquestionably not cool, where as an otherwise cool person can have douchey moments, you know? – but I didn’t think our advertisers would appreciate that right up there in the headline, so I went more mild. But just to clarify, I meant “asshole.” Chris Brown is still an asshole.
There’s a video where he tries to act like a good person, explains that the longest period he’s ever gone without sex since he got famous was three whole weeks, and lets listeners in on how to get those pesky girls who want to cuddle and talk and shit out of your house after you’re done f-cking them. Oh, and stay tuned to the very end where he discusses his awful Halloween costume. You’ll be totally surprised by what he says about it.
No, you won’t. Because you know that Chris Brown is an asshole. That’s what this whole story is about. God.