Look, everyone, I know it’s been a really rough day. I know we’re all feeling down because Kristen Stewart cheated on the guy she “loves and respects the most,” and I know that nothing I can say right now can heal all that pain in your heart. I can’t make that go away … but this crazy ass Twihard can.
LOL, you guys! LOL! BUT NO, IT’S NOT FUNNY, THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. Just kidding, I’m still laughing. I love how this whole thing is no one’s business and we just need to leave them alone because it’s private but how could you cheat on Robert Pattinson? But really, you wouldn’t ask some random person on the street about their bowel movements, so why would you ever say anything about a person whose chosen career involves living in the public eye? How would you feel if a bunch of strangers were talking about your sex life? Probably the exact same way that Kristen Stewart feels after people started discussing a public statement that she chose to make: bad. Real bad.
And you know, I’ll admit that I was a little surprised when I read Kristen’s statement and saw the pictures. I really thought that she would never acknowledge any of this, or if she did, it wouldn’t be for a long time. And I did yell at my (super lucky) boyfriend “IT WAS TRUE, KRISTEN STEWART DID CHEAT ON ROBERT PATTINSON,” because I was that shocked. But I didn’t cry like this crazy girl does. I cried earlier today because this sweet Sofia Vergara dress at the K-Mart didn’t fit me right, but I didn’t cry over this, because I’m not ridiculous.
Never change, Twihards. Never change.