I expected more from you, Zac Efron, I really did. I expected that when you went to business meetings, you would take the time to find a parking spot that is legally and morally acceptable for you to park in. You’re such a strong, strapping young man that you wouldn’t have had any problem parking a fair distance away and walking to your destination, or even running, perhaps with your shirt off. But no. You had to go and take that space.
Here’s a picture of him getting in his car after he got the ticket:
Does he look remorseful? Or is that the cold, hard face of a lifelong parking violator?
Ok, really, I wanted to tell you guys this story for two reasons. One, it bugs me when people who don’t need the handicapped spaces park there anyway. And two, this isn’t the first time Zac has gotten a ticket (the horror!). See, two years ago, back when my job here first opened up, Zac Efron ran a red light. Right around that same time, Sasha, the lovely founder of the site, sent me an email telling me that she liked my cover letter and writing samples and asking me to write up a few sample blogs. I wrote some story about how much I hate Lady Gaga, I did a “Love It or Leave It” of Mischa Barton, and I did an article called “Buzz Aldrin Isn’t Good Enough for America Anymore.” I also wrote one called “God Doesn’t Like Zac Efron Either.” Here is that article:
Zac Efron got a ticket last week for running a red light, you guys. Now, clearly what happened was he just had a moment of being too overcome by his own ridiculous acting prowess and charming good looks that he didn’t notice the traffic light. I haven’t experienced this myself, but I believe that if I were as monumental a talent as Zac Efron, I might have a few moments of transcendence. And that’s not his fault, but the responding police officer still gave him a ticket.
But really, I bet he was just thinking about which Disney starlet he’s gonna tap next, or maybe his stupid hair got in his eyes. I don’t know. However, I do know this timeless proverb that was once told to me by an 18-year-old parolee: c-nts pay. That’s all this is. You f-cked with the universe, and the universe f-cked you back, Efron. Next time, do a little thinking and praying before you whore yourself out to Disney.
Obviously, my feelings on Zac Efron have changed, but the “c-nts pay” bit? Still completely true today.