The original post title was going to be “Lady Gaga Goes Desperate for Born This Way Ball Promo”, but somehow I wasn’t sure that was quite accurate. Some people think she’s been desperate for ages, and I don’t think that because she lost out on every Grammy she was nominated for to our Adele that this photo should change things all that much. Honestly, why mess with perfection? It seems to be working just fine, thanks.

For one second, though, we’re going assume that Lady Gaga’s not at all bitter or disappointed that she lost all of those nominations for Best Album and Best Record and blah blah blah, because last night, she apparently acknowledged Adele’s greatness and commended her for her multiple wins:

“What a beautiful night last night was, Adele deserved every award she won and perhaps an extra one for being such a kind and lovely woman.”

Sweet, right? That’s what she said on her Twitter page. The thing is, there were a few of Lady Gaga’s followers who were also just as seemingly gracious about their Mother Monster’s Grammy snub and were vocal about it, too:

“you deserved at least one, but yes Adele is a sweetheart and earned those grammy’s.”

“You sho shweet. I WUBB YOU SHO MUSH.”

And then, of course, there were others who said, you know, otherwise:

“i bet it killed u to say that because you know as much as the rest of us.. you deserved all them awards… #fix”

“SHE DID. BUT YOU DESERVED THEM, YOU SHOULDVE WALKED THE RED CARPET THOUGH :(”

So, OK. Lady Gaga was beat to an unbelievable level at this year’s Grammys. We get that. (We get that, right? All of us?) And it’s clear that not all of Lady Gaga’s fans are rabid, hate-spewing toads who live for nothing but tearing others down. I’m really glad for that, because despite the fact that Lady Gaga’s just not my thing, I can appreciate that she’s not all about that like some other artists might be. Maybe all of that bully-slamming did Lady Gaga’s fans some good, and that’s just fine.

I went on a tangent, though, here. This whole post was supposed to be about Lady Gaga’s awesome boobs for her ‘Born This Way Ball’ promo shoot. Aren’t they fabulous? I don’t know about you guys, but this photo makes me all about the boobs. They look so much better when they’re not all stretched out and sunken into her chest cavity. Way to go, Gaga. You have some totally superior boobs!

I know, what’s new, right? To give credit where credit is due though, Lady Gaga does do good work. She’s always doing something to combat bullying, her favorite cause, and she’s made a lot of strides. She even started her own foundation, remember?

That’s why it shouldn’t be a surprise that this past Saturday, Lady Gaga attended a conference for young women called “It’s Our Turn,” held at a school in L.A. She spoke about being bullied as a teenager, being bulimic, and, of course, being born this way.

On being bullied for her beliefs: “I started having trouble with girls in middle school,” Lady Gaga said. “I always knew that I wanted to do something very career oriented, and I always wanted to be a musician. ”That alone set me apart. I had such strong convictions and I was pretty delusional, in the same way that I am now … in wanting to change the world and end bullying in America and do whatever I can to promote peace around the world. It might sound kind of silly coming from someone in red lipstick with a bunch of jewels on my jacket,” Lady Gaga said. “But that’s just the way I have always been.”

On confronting a bully: “It wasn’t until my senior year in high school when I finally confronted my main bully,” Lady Gaga said. “She was always kind of mean to me, but I was always trying to be nice to her.”

One day the bully was discussing her after-school internship and the young Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta asked, “Oh, hey, how’s that going?” only for the bully to reply, “Why are you talking to me?”

Lady Gaga recalled finally asking her, “What the f*ck is your problem?”

To this, the Brentwood audience laughed, cheered and clapped. “She couldn’t believe that I stood up for myself,” Lady Gaga said. “And I said, ‘I am always nice to you. What is your problem with me? Maybe if you just tell me, we can figure this out.’ And she said something like ‘Well, I just don’t know why you’re so serious about music.’”

“You don’t always know why people exclude you or aren’t nice to you,” Lady Gaga said. “But I will tell you to this day it helped me so much to stand up to that person.”

On being bulimic: “I used to throw up all the time in high school. So I’m not that confident. And maybe it’s easier for me to talk about it now because I don’t do it anymore. I wanted to be a skinny little ballerina but I was a voluptuous little Italian girl whose dad had meatballs on the table every night,” Lady Gaga revealed. “I used to come home and say, ‘Dad, why do you always give us this food? I need to be thin.’ And he’d say, ‘Eat your spaghetti.’”

On body image: “Every video I’m in, every magazine cover, they stretch you; they make you perfect,” Lady Gaga said. “It’s not real life. I’m gonna say this about girls: The dieting wars have got to stop. Everyone just knock it off. Because at the end of the day, it’s affecting kids your age. And it’s making girls sick.”

On worth: “I’m encouraging you to know what you’re worth. And know that no matter who has more money in class, who has more stuff, who has a country house – nobody is worth more than anybody else.”

I think this is a pretty classy thing for Lady Gaga to be doing with her time, and believe me, that sort of pains me to say. But if she can use all her craziness to reach out to some kids, then that’s what matters, right?

I don’t have a whole lot to say about this video other than “Ew.” But that’s probably, exactly what Lady Gaga wants us to feel about her male alter-ego, Jo Calderone. Because Jo is gross. Jo, stripping down to his man-panties and groping his package is nasty. Jo reminds me of the “I wanna dance!” dude in one of my favorite movies, Dazed and Confused, and even though I love the flick, the comparison is not not not a compliment.

Here he is again:

So, right? Imagine him (who is Adam Goldberg, and – wait. Is that Christina Ricci in that photo? YES IT IS. Apparently the two dated), messy hair, smoking that cigarette of his, stripping down to his underwear and looking all Lady Gaga-like. I’m not saying that Adam isn’t attractive, because I’m the one who’s infatuated with Adrien Brody and not a lot of people understand that. But I am saying that any hotness he might have possessed after a second or third (or … fourth) look all but evaporated once Jo Calderone arrived on the scene. Because now, I can’t look at Jo Calderone without thinking ‘Adam Goldberg’, nor can I look at Adam Goldberg and think ‘OMG hot’.

See what you’ve done, Gaga? You’ve ruined a perfectly good man with your greasy, skeeviness-masked-as-high-art, which, in actuality, has all been done before, and in case you were wondering if I was still (or, you know, ever) a fan of yours, the answer is a big, resounding ‘HELL NO’.

Other than that, the vocals on the video aren’t bad.

I never said she couldn’t sing.

Ugh, what a square, right? It’s like “get with the program, old man, it’s the 21st century! I don’t have to conform to your dumb old ideas or your dumb old society, dad.” And then he’s like “learn to respect your elders!” And then you’re like “learn to respect this, you crusty old bastard!” And then you flip him the bird and go to your bedroom to blast Papa Roach or whatever. And that is hard-f*cking-core.

And that is precisely what Lady Gaga is:

Lady GaGa has admitted that her father isn’t impressed with her risqué fashion sense.

The singer confessed that her dad Joe Germanotta often asks her to wear more normal clothes.

“I look the same during the day as I do on stage,” GaGa said, according to The Sun.

“My father is still like, ‘Can’t you just put this on?’ Some of it he just can’t handle.”

The singer has spent the the past few days organizing the setlist for her next tour. She tweeted on Friday that she will preview the stage on Tuesday.

GaGa has previously admitted that she will never be caught wearing casual clothes.

“I think you should look nice all the time,” she said. “When I meet celebrities and they’re in casual clothes, I’m always like, ‘Whaaat?’ I don’t mean to be judgmental, but it would do them better to be who they really are, all the time.”

Lady Gaga, not every celebrity has the kind of identity issues that you have. In fact, a lot of celebrities understand that when you’re just going out to the grocery store or for a walk or whatever, it’s ok to dress differently than when they go to an awards show, and when they do a concert, they can dress in a completely different way. In fact, I would argue that those people are more comfortable with being “who they really are” than you are. Honey, you were not born this way, and it’s getting old.

Now don’t come to dinner until you can put on some regular shoes and take that lobster off your head while your grandma’s in the house!

And what did she name the charity? The Born This Way Foundation. Of course.

The Born This Way Foundation, also known as the BTW Foundation (to me and my easily amused mind), is the product of a team-up between Lady Gaga and Harvard University. For real. The organization’s purpose is to “explore the best ways to reach youth and create a new culture of kindness, bravery, acceptance and empowerment.” I’m pretty sure what all that claptrap means is that Lady Gaga formed a whole organization to prevent bullying, her least favorite thing, and also to promote herself and how original she is. At least, that’s what I’m getting from this.

The foundation launches at the end of February at Harvard, and both Gaga and her mom, Cynthia, will be there to kick things off. Speaking of Lady Gaga’s mom, here’s a little statement that she had to give about her wacky daughter’s new thing:

“My daughter’s foundation was born out of her passion to create a better world where people are kinder and nicer to one another and are accepted for who they are, regardless of how different they may be,” Cynthia Germanotta said of the new organization. “She has experienced many of the struggles that our youth encounter today, and identifies with the lasting effects they can have without proper support. Together, we look forward to creating a new movement that will engage and empower youth and accept them as valuable members of our society.”

Despite how much I dislike Lady Gaga, which is almost as much as I dislike the phrase “accept them as valuable members of society,” this sounds like a pretty great thing. She’s always tried to reach out to her fans and to lead them to the right path in life, and even though she fails at that sometimes and even though she can get under my skin like no other celebrity can, I guess I have to respect that.

Except the part where she named the foundation after her shitty album. That’s not respectable, that’s vain self promotion. But that’s also Lady Gaga, so what are you going to do?

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Madonna ought to be flattered by Lady Gaga. But is she?

Tough to say.

First there was that quote in Newsweek Emily mentioned yesterday.

Then, in an interview aired on 20/20 last night, Madonna tried to play coy. (Unfortunately for Madonna, her “coy” is everybody else’s “ridiculously obvious.”) From the New York Daily News:

Madonna is finally expressing herself on Lady Gaga’s song, “Born This Way.”

Critics had pointed out similarities in the hit 2010 tune and the Material Girl’s 1989 chart-topper, “Express Yourself,” but Madonna herself had been quiet on the subject until Friday night’s interview on ABC’s “20/20.”

“When I heard it on the radio… I said that sounds very familiar,” Madonna told ABC News.

When pressed further, Madonna added that the song “felt reductive.”

Asked what that means, a smiling Madonna added, “Look it up.”

Jeesh. Without looking anything up, I can tell you Madonna thinks Gaga’s music is derivative in an artlessly unnuanced, shallow way. Just a guess.

By the way, this is on the front page of dictionary.com today:

I thought that was funny.

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