Let’s just get this awful news over with as quickly and painlessly as possible, all right?
Jason Segel was the man who got The Muppets back into theaters after a 12-year gap. The actor and co-writer of the film has been an avid Muppets fan since childhood, and if ever there was a “Muppets advocate,” it would be Segel.
That’s why it comes as a surprise that Segel will not be co-writing the next Muppets film, as Vulture first reported a few days ago. The actor confirmed the news to The Hollywood Reporter during an interview promoting his upcoming film, Jeff, Who Lives at Home.
Segal told THR that his co-writer Nicholas Stoller will be returning to write the next film, as will director James Bobin.
“My goal was to bring back The Muppets, and I feel like we did it,” he said. “I just felt like I did what I set out to do. I’m really happy that they’re back to where they belong.”
When asked if he has any plans to star, Segel also said he does not.
“It doesn’t really make organic sense,” he told THR. “Maybe I’ll do something in the future but no, I’m just sort of happy to send my kids off into the world.”
You saw The Muppets, right? Wasn’t it amazing? I laughed, I cried, and I left the movie theater with such a warm and happy heart. Of course, I’ve always loved those wacky Muppets, and I also have pretty strong feelings for Jason Segel as well, so there wasn’t any other option for that movie other than to own my whole soul for a couple of hours.
But this news? This new revelation that Jason Segel is somehow done with those beautiful creatures he so lovingly and so perfectly brought back to the heart of the people? It’s an outrage is what it is. It would be like Robert Pattinson doing the first Twilight movie and then saying “no, you know what, you guys have totally got this, I’m out.” It would be like Marilyn Monroe getting ready to sing “Happy Birthday” to the president but then saying “wait, I feel like so many other bitches are going to do this whole shtick, so never mind.” It would be like Lindsay Lohan saying “I did a really good job with that Parent Trap movie, so I guess I should just put the money away and focus on school!” There are great things, things that would affect the world forever, lying straight ahead, but Jason Segel is refusing to see them. He’s stepping out on the Muppets, and while that breaks my heart, that’s nothing compared to what society could have had.
I just hope Jason Segel can live with himself after what he’s done to the world.