And in it, his name is Barnabus Collins. Collins. Well, at least we can thank God for small things – at least the main character’s first name isn’t Edmund or something, because wouldn’t that just be ridiculous: Edmund Collins? Good heavens, yes, it would.
A gothic-horror tale centering on the life of vampire Barnabas Collins and his run-ins with various monsters, witches, werewolves and ghosts. Based on the cult TV series.
The movie’s set to come out this year, and it also features Michelle Pfeiffer, if you couldn’t guess who that was down there in the gallery. Chloe Moretz is also in the cast, and OF COURSE, Helena Bonham Carter because, after all, what kind of Johnny Depp movie would it be if HBC didn’t have some kind of hand in it, yes?
Also, among other performers of note, Jackie Earle Haley was casted, and if you don’t know who he is, I’ll give you two words: Freddy. Krueger. The new one, anyway.
Lastly, yes, I do realize that the “Barnabas Collins” character was a thing way before “Edward Cullen” was, so if there was any stealing of moniker fidelity there, it’d be all on the Twilight franchise. But as I told you guys last night, I’m still on my Cullen high, and nothing anyone can say will be able to bring me down for AT LEAST another day or two, alright?
However, despite my contact high here, and even though the Twilight movies aren’t all that bad, I’m sure whatever Johnny Depp’s got up his sleeve is going to be way, way better. Honestly, has Johnny ever really done a bad movie? Except for, you know, maybe that whole … wait. No. Johnny Depp actually hasn’t ever really done a bad movie.