1Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Might Be Back Together, Or Something

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were rumoured to be dating for ages, with some reports even suggesting that they were engaged last November, even though it was never even confirmed that they were anything more than friends to begin with and Amber was still apparently with ex-girlfriend and photographer Tasya Van Ree. Then apparently they split up in January so Amber could get her lady lovin’ on with some French model and now I guess maybe they’re back together again or something? Oh, I don’t even know anymore.

From The Mirror:

One minute they’re on, the next they’re off now they’re getting Stoned together. (Seeing the Rolling Stones perform, that is.)

Film idol Johnny Depp took on/off girlfriend Amber Heard on a date to see his mates Mick Jagger & Co. at their low-key gig at the Echoplex club in LA.

The pair were thought to have split in January when bisexual Amber, 27, left him for a holiday with French model Marie de Villepin.

But on Saturday night at the Stones gig, she looked like she was his (Honky Tonk) woman again (sorry).

April 30, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

20Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are Engaged

So promise not to kill me for this, because I know that I totally despise it when my favorite celebrity gossip blogs write ridiculously misleading headlines, but hear me out here. There’s actually a very good reason for my blatant lie about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard being all engaged and stuff. Here. From Us Magazine:

After arriving at [L.A. club at] 11 p.m., the twosome — who kicked off a romance in late 2011 during their Rum Diary press tour — settled in on the patio, where, a witness says, they sipped nonalcoholic beers sitting side by side.

“They were flirty and engaged,” says the source. And their affection was no act.

Another insider says the actress, 26, “was telling people they were officially together” at a Gucci party October 27. (Depp, 49, and Vanessa Paradis, 39, split in June 2012 after separating in 2010.)

A pal says the Lone Ranger star is serious about the starlet: “They have said ‘I love you.’ ”

So, OK. Now you know where I got this “engaged” business from. It was the first thing I thought when I read the excerpt from Us. And really, it isn’t all that much of a stretch if these two boneheads are already saying “I love you,” now, is it?

And hey, what’s with the non-alcoholic beers? Are there seriously people out there who love the taste of beer so much that they’ll drink it even without the “benefit” of catching a buzz? Because I don’t get that. When I was a younger gal, I “liked” beer, but really, it is as they say—an acquired taste. And just as easily as I acquired it, I disacquired it, and now I can’t stand the taste. It’s similar to weed killer to me (not that I know what weed killer tastes like, but I can just imagine), and honestly, I’d rather a good glass of red (never white) wine.

What are your thoughts on libations? And is beer seriously beer without all of the fermentation and alcohol whatever that normally goes into beer?

November 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah

6Kate Moss Says Johnny Depp Was Hard to Get Over

And I guess I’m not surprised, considering the famously volatile nature of their relationship, you know?

Kate talked to Vanity Fair, where, among other things besides Johnny Depp, she discussed John Galliano, Tourette’s, heroin-chic, and what she’s doing these days. And guys, I’m telling you—if this chick ever decided to write a memoir, you can bet your sweet asses that it’d be one of the most interesting reads of all f-cking time. Here’s Kate, to VF on “staying in [model] character”:

“I don’t want to be myself, ever. I’m terrible at a snapshot. Terrible. I blink all the time. I’ve got facial Tourette’s. Unless I’m working and in that zone, I’m not very good at pictures, really. On my wedding day, I’m like freaking out, obviously. ‘You’ve got to give me a character.’ And [John Galliano] said, ‘You have a secret–you are the last of the English roses. Hide under that veil. When he lifts it, he’s going to see your wanton past!’”

And on her famous 1992 Calvin Klein shoot:

“I had a nervous breakdown when I was 17 or 18, when I had to go and work with Marky Mark and Herb Ritts. It didn’t feel like me at all. I felt really bad about straddling this buff guy. I didn’t like it. I couldn’t get out of bed for two weeks. I thought I was going to die. I went to the doctor, and he said, ‘I’ll give you some Valium,’ and Francesca Sorrenti, thank God, said, ‘You’re not taking that.’ It was just anxiety. Nobody takes care of you mentally. It was just really weird–a stretch limo coming to pick you up from work. I didn’t like it. But it was work, and I had to do it.”

On taking her clothes off as a sixteen-year-old girl:

“I see a 16-year-old now, and to ask her to take her clothes off would feel really weird. But they were like, If you don’t do it, then we’re not going to book you again. So I’d lock myself in the toilet and cry and then come out and do it. I never felt very comfortable about it. There’s a lot of boobs. I hated my boobs! Because I was flat-chested. And I had a big mole on one. That picture of me running down the beach–I’ll never forget doing that, because I made the hairdresser, who was the only man on the shoot, turn his back.”

On that “heroin chic” thing:

“I had never even taken heroin–it was nothing to do with me at all. I think Corrine–she wasn’t on heroin but always loved that Lou Reed song, that whole glamorizing the squat, white-and-black and sparse and thin, and girls with dark eyes. She loved that look. I was thin, but that’s because I was doing shows, working really hard. At that time, I was staying at a B and B in Milan, and you’d get home from work and there was no food. You’d get to work in the morning, there was no food. Nobody took you out for lunch when I started. Carla Bruni took me out for lunch once. She was really nice. Otherwise, you don’t get fed. But I was never anorexic. They knew it wasn’t true–otherwise I wouldn’t be able to work.”

And last, on Johnny Depp:

“There’s nobody that’s ever really been able to take care of me. Johnny did for a bit. I believed what he said. Like if I said, ‘What do I do?,’ he’d tell me. And that’s what I missed when I left. I really lost that gauge of somebody I could trust. Nightmare. Years and years of crying. Oh, the tears!”

What she’s doing nowadays:

“I don’t really go to clubs anymore. I’m actually quite settled. Living in Highgate with my dog and my husband and my daughter! I’m not a hell-raiser. But don’t burst the bubble. Behind closed doors, for sure I’m a hell-raiser.”

See? Still with all that mystique and allure. This chick’s got it going on.

October 31, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah

6Vanessa Paradis Talks About Johnny Depp Split

Even though she doesn’t want to talk about him. Go figure.

In a recent interview with Elle magazine, Vanessa was asked about her breakup with long-time partner, Johnny Depp, and after a little insistence, she obliged. To Elle, Vanessa said:

“I don’t want to talk about him. Who said that artists should sell their soul, expose everything about themselves? … It’s my duty to promote this movie, and my albums, but can you imagine what it feels like to see people making a business out of your pain. What’s happened to us is our concern. Who said that artists should sell their soul, expose everything about themselves? … It’s my duty to promote this movie, and my albums, but can you imagine what it feels like to see people making a business out of your pain. What’s happened to us is our concern. I don’t have the recipe for happiness, but I think the engine is simply having the desire. It’s not feeling obliged or forced or repeating yourself. I hate, for example, whenever you hear someone say: ‘You have work at being a couple’. No, you have to want to be there. And for me, I want to be right where I am right now.”

So, in a nutshell, it sounds like Vanessa is in a decent place right now, and if she’s still aching over the fact that she and Johnny are no more, it’s definitely not showing, and for that? I have to give her some major, major credit, because wow. These guys were just together forever. Sometimes things work out this way for many reasons, and not entirely selfish ones, I suppose, huh?

August 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm by Sarah

8Johnny Depp Kind of Looks Like a Tool, Yeah?

Since his new thing is not being an amazing, unbelievable actor with a heart of gold and a wonderful, close-knit family unit anymore, it appears Johnny‘s gone and substituted all of those things with something new—looking like a reject from his many Pirates movies and hanging out with RAWKERS like Marilyn Manson (his new bestie!) and now, Aerosmith.

These pictures were taken of Johnny at a party for his new musical collaboration with Aerosmith*, and sources are saying that they show Johnny’s first public smiles (? wtf) post-breakup with long-term girlfriend (and mother of his two children, Lily Rose and Jack), Vanessa Paradis.

I guess my only advice for him would be to wash off the eyeliner from the prior night before putting on so much heavy foundation. It just looks that chick who, in high school, felt the need to slather her just-fine skin with six layers of liquid makeup and then dusting it heavily with her Cover Girl compact pad. Gross.

*No, really, he’s singing backing vocals on Aerosmith songs, now, too. The disease has spread from wailing with Marilyn Manson on a guitar to wailing along with Steven Tyler in a microphone. Good God. What Steven Tyler told Rolling Stone about Depp’s musical appearance on the band’s latest album:

“Johnny added backup vocals to the politically conscious rocker ‘Freedom Fighter’. But the song may end up an outtake or on a later deluxe edition of the album.”

The new album is called ‘Music from Another Dimension!’ and is set to drop in November. Doubtless it’s going to be a mega-fabulous endeavor. Eyeroll.

August 7, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah

10Johnny Depp Is Completely Innocent

This really hurts. I’ve always loved Johnny Depp‘s movies, because hey, what’s not to love? And when he’s played such wonderful, endearing characters like the ones he played in Benny and Joon, Edward Scissorhands, and Finding Neverland, I think it’s easy to mistake his characters’ good qualities for his own, you know? Because I’ve enjoyed his movies so much, I just assumed that he’s an awesome person who is incapable of doing anything wrong. But right now, at this point in time, I think I’m going to have to guess that he’s kind of a douchebag in real life.

Another story about Johnny’s split from Vanessa Paradis covered Us Weekly this week, and Lainey Gossip was nice enough to summarize it:

According to the magazine:

-V wanted to break up 2 years ago because she was unhappy
-V complained all the time about their low key lifestyle. She didn’t want to stay on a private island and quietly raise their babies. She was bored and restless.
-V was the one who wanted to move to LA and that’s when it all unravelled.
-V was the one who insisted that he make big budget Disney movies because she loved the money. Johnny wasn’t interested but only did them for her.
(Please tell me you’re shaking your head and rolling your eyes now.)
-When those movies became big ass deals, V then resented J for his success.

Says an Us Weekly source:

“Nothing Johnny did was ever good enough for Vanessa. When he was working, she wasn’t happy. And when he wasn’t working, he was called a slob for not doing enough for the kids and her family.”

Apparently Johnny is tight with the owner of the magazine, and that’s why they wrote this joke of a story. Because if you’ve been keeping up with Johnny for the past year or so, he’s in the middle of a full blown midlife crisis. He’s made stupid comments, he’s been seen drunkenly stumbling around more than once, and honestly, he just doesn’t look that great these days. And, of course, there are all the rumors of Johnny’s wandering penis. He’s been linked with his Dark Shadows costar, Eva Green, his Rum Diary costar, Amber Heard, an Olsen twin, and also his publicist. But for sure, it’s all Vanessa’s fault. She drove him to all this.

Listen, this is bullshit. I don’t care if Vanessa Paradis screeched in Johnny’s ear about anything and everything for the entire 14 years they were together. She didn’t force him to hook up with other ladies, and she didn’t force him to get wasted and stagger around the streets. That’s all on him. If he wasn’t happy, he could have left, but the “you made me do this to you” argument just gets under my skin so much. Your choices are your own, so be a grown ass adult and stand behind them.

Team Vanessa.

June 27, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Emily