So! The Golden Globes. Yes, I watched them.
There was one cut, early in the evening, where the cameras went to Harrison Ford. He was particularly unsmiling. Then the camera hopped to Kate Capshaw, sitting with husband Steven Spielberg, and they looked giddy. The contrast, from Harrison to Kate, was hilarious.
Everything Madonna said aloud last night—from the vacuous, to the pretentious, to the whatever—was magical. But this particular bit was especially well played, and I think Madonna’s wry twerpiness blindsided the audience:
On an unhappier note: Madonna won Best Original Song for “Masterpiece,” a song from her directorial debut W.E.. “I want… people… to pay attention to… the film,” she said during her acceptance speech, a little uneasily.
Soon after, movie critic Roger Ebert tweeted, “Okay, I do this for a living, and I just had to look up ‘W.E.’ on IMDb.” Ouch. It burns.
Also: Watch out, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! Every time the camera cut to you, my mother blushed and lifted her eyebrows a little suggestively. (I caught her doing this, and I said to her, “I know! Dimple City!”) Anyway, today is my mother’s birthday! She’s 80 years old! So watch your back, Joe, because she is in love with you.
William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman (AKA “Filliam H. Muffman”) presented the award for Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series together, and their song knocked the entire evening on its ass:
Every time the cameras cut to Tilda Swinton‘s hair, Twitter exploded. Twitter also christened the evening “night of weird arms” (Madonna, Angelina Jolie, and Michelle Pfeiffer all had very weird arms, yes).
I especially liked the introduction Ricky Gervais gave Colin Firth, because you could tell Ricky Gervais has a huge crush on Colin Firth. Firth walked onstage and pretended to kick Gervais. I thought that was cute, too: Firth was really flattered.
My mother worried that Meryl Streep was drunk. Streep was squinting and swaying and struggling to name the other nominees during her acceptance speech. I reminded my mother that Streep is blind as a bat without her glasses (she doesn’t wear contacts, you guys!), and so she dithered and floundered as she tried to find the nominees in the crowd.
Suddenly, a beacon of hope! The cameras cut to George Clooney, who was practically crawling toward the stage with Meryl Streep’s glasses. He was trying to figure out a way to sneak her bifocals onstage without being obvious or interrupting her terrible speech. Cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
Harrison Ford was the last presenter of the night. He strode onstage, stared into the audience wild-eyed, and with no ado, proclaimed HERE ARE THE NOMINEES FOR BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR at near-the-top of his lungs. That Harrison! All business, some ire, zero flourishes. (“He knows you just want it to end so you can go to bed,” I said to my mother.)