You know, I always kind of admired Demi, if you could look past the multi-million-dollar plastic surgeries and the whole allowing-herself-to-latch-onto-a-dumb-kid-who-probably-never-took-her-all-that-serious, but this continual downward spiral into sadness and thinness has got to stop. I mean, look at that picture. Don’t you just want to shake her hard enough to knock her glasses off and scream, “SNAP THE F-CK OUT OF IT, DEMI, I mean it! God!”
Girlfriend’s got a lot to offer, and if she’d quit bellyaching over the douchebag that – aww – was a douchebag, she might actually be able to start getting on with her life and maybe, just maybe, keep down a sandwich or two. If things went well, she might even be able to start shopping in the women’s section of her favorite store again, and not have to raid her adolescent kid’s closet for pants that fit, because I’m sorry, but size 14 in kids just does not look good on any adult, girl.
The latest, though, is that Demi’s being linked to Jennifer Aniston of all people. Getting love advice from Jennifer Aniston. Training with the ROCKY of LOVE, Jennifer Aniston. My God.
The Friends star split up with Brad Pitt in 2005 amid rumours of a cheating scandal and now, she’s helping Demi get over her split with husband of six years Ashton Kutcher.
Jen has even offered the use of her yoga instructor Mandy Ingber and her private chefs Jewels and Jill Elmore, to help get her mind and body in top shape.
“Jen knows better than anyone what it’s like to have a break-up in the public eye,” a pal told Now magazine.
They also added: “Demi feels publicly humiliated and Jen can totally empathise. She’s read every self-help book out there and helped Demi compose the announcement of her split.”
Oh dear. That business about Jen even helping Demi to compose her impending-divorce announcement? I should have known. If you don’t remember what it sounded like, it sounded like this:
It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life. This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation.
Sounds about right, huh? I mean, especially that part about “anyone going through a similar situation”? Doesn’t that just scream “Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for ANGELINA JOLIE, the OUTRAGE!” Yes, it does.
Oh Demi. You’re doing your thing, giving relatively good interviews, and you’ve got that Conversation show coming up on Lifetime, which is sure to bring in some pretty good ratings. But this constant “woe is me” hangdog expression and the ongoing weight loss, girl, is only contradicting everything that you’ve said about being a strong woman and kicking names and eating ass and whatever else from the past.
You’re a smart and savvy lady – use the knowledge you’ve been peddling all these years, move the f-ck on, and most of all: quit being affiliated in any way, shape, or form, with Jennifer Aniston. Do you have any idea what that’s going to do to your image? Do you ever want to date a real dude again? TAKE THE ADVICE, DEMI.