B’s sister, Solange, who I normally don’t follow on Twitter because she’s excessively strange (and not in a fun, quirky, or cute way), fired off an interesting Tweet the other day that I just happened to catch this morning, and it was all about the status of sister Beyonce‘s womb. From Solange’s Twitter:
So, OK. We’ve apparently narrowed recent delivery options down to “not,” and according to family, Beyonce is (or at least was, as of Monday) still “carrying” her child. The child is not undergoing makeup and hair, the child is not in transit via a slippery birth canal, and the child is not on her way to People magazine’s headquarters to pose for multi-million-dollar photo shoots.
Finally, I was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep, and I got to thinking about …
… Beyonce and her baby, for whatever reason. I don’t know. Maybe I have no life, or maybe I have nothing more important to think about than the status of Beyonce’s uterus and whether or not it’s actually carrying a real, live fetus. In either case, I guess I’ll consider myself blessed that I don’t have the problems that other people might have to deal with like, you know, thinking about the validity of Beyonce’s pregnancy when I should be considering other important things, but because I’m not, like, an accountant and tax time is approaching or something, I don’t really have to worry about that business. It’s a seriously good thing I’m in the line of work that I am, and a seriously good thing I don’t stress over stressing about whether I should stress about whether or not Beyonce’s carrying her own child. Things could be so much worse.
Anyway, I was laying there thinking about reasons as to why Beyonce’d go to all this trouble to cover up the fact that she’s “pregnant” with a pillow or an inflatable pool toy, and then started in on considering her baby’s name. Tiana May Carter. It’s actually really pretty. I love the name “May” for almost everything, and even though I gossip about celebrities as my means of living, I didn’t know that Jay-Z‘s last name is Carter. Or that, you know, his first name is Shawn (side note: his middle name is Corey!).
Regardless, then I started in on the name “Tiana,” and I don’t know if you guys are Disney movie junkies like all of the people who live in my house are (ahem, my husband), but “Tiana” is the name of the Frog Princess in Disney’s The Princess and the Frog. And I love that movie, I do. But is that why Beyonce’s naming this child Tiana? Because she loves that movie as well? Is this the kind of consideration we’re giving to our unborn children these days? I’m due in 7 short weeks, and though I’ve already got a name picked out, should I go with something like Gaston? Or Lumiere?
I know it’s a stretch, but this is Beyonce we’re talking about, friends, and when it comes to her, I don’t put anything past her. She’s got this ulterior-motive thing on lockdown, you guys.