B’s sister, Solange, who I normally don’t follow on Twitter because she’s excessively strange (and not in a fun, quirky, or cute way), fired off an interesting Tweet the other day that I just happened to catch this morning, and it was all about the status of sister Beyonce‘s womb. From Solange’s Twitter:

So, OK. We’ve apparently narrowed recent delivery options down to “not,” and according to family, Beyonce is (or at least was, as of Monday) still “carrying” her child. The child is not undergoing makeup and hair, the child is not in transit via a slippery birth canal, and the child is not on her way to People magazine’s headquarters to pose for multi-million-dollar photo shoots.

Finally, I was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep, and I got to thinking about …

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Go ahead, guess. Here’s a hint: you’ll never be able to guess. Because it’s absurd and it involves a giant inflatable banana.

Here’s what went down. Beyonce‘s wacky little sister, Solange, was down in Miami Beach, and she was just trying to have a good time, you know, she was just trying to do her thing. She wanted to mosey on into a club and have some fun that way, and that’s her prerogative, but our girl was denied entry. Why? Because she had the inflatable banana, of course!

From TMZ:

Cops say Beyonce’s younger sis tried entering Club Cameo in Miami Beach and was denied because she was holding a 5-foot tall, inflatable banana.  According to cops, Solange began complaining that she was turned away for racial reasons.

Cops say Knowles became unruly with off-duty officers, who took her across the street to try and calm her down.  Solange claims that’s when cops pulled a “weapon” on her — we’re told she claimed it was a knife — and threatened to deflate the banana.

Miami Beach PD Internal Affairs must investigate all such complaints, so they’re getting in touch with her.

I’m sorry, but I thought that Miami Beach was in America.  And I thought that in America, land of the free, you could escort around inflatable fruits of any size without fear of deflation! Wasn’t that written somewhere in the Constitution?

“Tonight was just another stepping stone for me, and I’m sure I may be the minority on this one but revenge is not the answer. I started to feel anxiety about all of the possibilities from the announcement tonight, but quickly reminded that none of us have the power. This was more about my feelings of hope tonight and less about politics. I have been through a roller coaster of emotions this evening and wanted to share the optimism that I have in the midst of it all. The world will be the world, but I do have hope because my hope is invested in love.”

Solange Knowles? Hey girl. I think I’m inclined to agree with you. I know you’re not all that relevant these days, except for that wicked awesome appearance on Yo! Gabba Gabba, but you make a good point. There’s always going to be one more terrorist that wants to wreck the world and kill us all, and by going after each and every single one in an effort to protect the world is only going to cost more lives in the long run, right? Lord knows this world ain’t perfect, but even a dumb celebrity blogger like myself knows that there are certain sacrifices that shouldn’t be made on ANYONE’S part, even if it’s supposed to be for the ‘greater good.’ There’s a part of my American psyche that’s relieved to know that the man responsible for the murders of thousands and thousands of innocent people across the world – not just Americans – but the more I think about it, the more I feel that part might be a knee-jerk reaction.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m filled with pride at the brave soldiers who have risked – and continue to risk – their lives for the safety of world citizens, and I truly believe that this nation would be nothing without them and their continual sacrifices, but pardon me if I’m not jumping around for raucous joy. I just don’t feel that.

Thoughts?

It’s pretty much a known fact that Beyonce is the fiercest Knowles sister/human being to ever live, but we should all pay a little bit more attention to her little sister Solange. Obviously she’s easy to write off– why would anyone care about the main girl from Destiny’s Child’s sister?– but you probably should pay attention. In all the ways that Beyonce is untouchable, Solange is totally accessible. She got pregnant early in life, she’s not too into high fashion, she likes cool music, she’s kinda funny on Twitter. And she’s got the bomb style. Just check out these photos from her recent shoot with Honey.

Ashton Kutcher just updated his Twitter with a note about his ex-love and Just Married co-star, Brittany Murphy. The two dated around the time they made the movie and at what seemed to be the peak of both of their careers.

Beyonce’s sister Solange doesn’t seem to be taking the news particularly well herself, but is unable to to muster up much more than the fact that she’s shocked.

And some loser with a face that resembles a honey ham decides to take this moment to warn Lindsay Lohan that if she doesn’t clean up, she’ll be six feet under, too.

However, Sara Gilbert aka Darlene from Roseanne, chimed in with a kind word.

Dita Von Teese has a drink named after her, now that she’s the new face of Cointreau:  The Cointreau Teese.  It’s made with Cointreau, apple juice, lemon juice and violet syrup — looks super pretty, sounds super gross.  You know that you’ve officially arrived when a hospital wing, a Marc Jacobs handbag or a cocktail has been named after you.  It’s really the hallmark confirmation of fame.  

Last night was the launch party, and Dita was there in her trademark burlesque look.  Also there, Jewel in a maxi dress, Perez Hilton looking like the asshat that he is, and Solange Knowles who offended a bunch of people this afternoon by Tweeting “Salute to the vagina power!  Dita Von Teese is haute!”  The use of the term “vagina” is really upsetting to people in 2009?  

Totally unrelated to Dita, but now Solange is typing All. her. tweets. like. this.  Do you think she got that from me?  She’s ranting about something — the most I can gather is that she thinks black women are imprisoned by their hair.  I’ve been sending her Tweets back like: “What. the. hell. are. you. talking. about?” and “Are. you. crazy?”

Tommy Chong was there looking like he had the munchies, as was Margaret Cho who was looking great.  Wilmer Valderrama showed up wondering if anyone had seen his “career” run by and the incredibly hot Mayte Garcia — she was married to Prince for four years, but somehow managed to have her marriage annulled — made an appearance as well.

The. End.