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Kim Kardashian Has Some Really Dumb New Year’s Resolutions

A photo of Kim Kardashian

I never bother making New Year’s resolutions. I’m always of the opinion that if there’s something that needs to be done in my life, I’m just going to do it then, you know? Like if I need to change how I’m doing something or if I want to make some new friends or whatever, unless I come to that conclusion on December 31st, I’m going to go ahead and take care of business. I know a lot of people see the new year as a fresh start and all, and I won’t begrudge you that, but these resolutions just aren’t my scene.

You know who is into making New Year’s resolutions though? Kim Kardashian. I know that you and I both could think of a number of things she could aim to do differently this year, but let’s let Kimmy speak first, all right?

From Us Magazine:

The 31-year-old reality star told Us Weekly Saturday at Tao Nightclub in Las Vegas that she’s excited about “moving forward and not looking back.”

“I think a good lesson I learned about myself is to always follow your heart, and I think I’ll never stop doing that,” she said. “[I’m looking forward to] just having a really good 2012 and soaking in all the lessons learned in 2011. That’s it. Simple.”

She also told the magazine that after her divorce, she “took off for two months” and set up shop down at Kris Jenner‘s place until things started to blow over a little. She said that she “didn’t wear a stitch of makeup” for those two months, and that she “really enjoyed that.” That’s perfectly fine, but let’s get back to Kim’s dumb ass plans for 2012.

How do you “move forward and not look back” while “soaking in all the lessons learned in 2011”? How does one possibly do that? I actually took some time to try to come up with some examples of how this is possible, because, after all, I don’t want to believe that Kim Kardashian is this stupid, but I really couldn’t come up with any. I think at this point Kim just says words. She’s the girl, you all know That Girl, who always has something really inspirational and positive and intelligent to say, and she says it so earnestly, but when she’s done, you’re just like “awww, honey, no. Thank you, but no. Reread that story from Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and try again.”

Meanwhile, I started coming up with some resolutions that I think would benefit Kim greatly. Do you want to hear them? So far, I have “develop a personality that isn’t centered around your ass,” “get some grace,” and “become Amber Portwood’s BFF.” Do you guys have any other ones you’d like to add? Or do you have any resolutions of your own that you’d like to declare? Now’s the time!

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