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Kim Kardashian

2Kim Kardashian is trying to be Beyoncé again

beyonce kim kardashian

There have been so many stories in the press over the past year or two about how Beyoncé secretly hates Kim Kardashian and doesn’t approve of her even though Kim is obsessed with Bey and wants to be just like her… and so it continues. Apparently the two ran into one another at a dermatologist’s office in LA the other day, and Bey wasn’t feeling it but Kim was super stoked about seeing her new BFF and copied off of every procedure she got.

From Radar Online:

When Kardashian, 33, ran into Knowles, 32, at Dr. Harold Lancer‘s Beverly Hills office on April 11, “Kim wanted to make sure that she had the exact same procedures that Beyoncé had,” a source told Radar. “She requested Botox and fillers, which were the same treatments Beyoncé got.”

But rather than bonding over Botox, Jay Z’s wife and Kanye West’s fiancée had a seriously awkward run-in, as Radar has reported — even though Kardashian didn’t seem to notice!

Kardashian “seemed so excited to see Beyoncé and was really eagerly going over to her,” a source told Radar. “But Beyoncé looked like she wanted nothing to do with Kim and was really trying to stay away from her. Kim was basically fawning all over her … and Beyoncé looked like she could have cared less!”

LOL, okay. I love how hell-bent the press is on pitting these two against each other. Newsflash: some people – regardless of gender or affiliation – don’t get along. Or they do get along and they’re just not super close for whatever reason. It doesn’t mean there’s some rivalry or anything ill-willed. Nice try, though.

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April 18, 2014 at 12:00 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: Beyonce, Kim Kardashian

0Kris Jenner blames “pranksters” for sabotaging her family

kardashians jenners

Ooookay, wait just a rootin’ tootin’ second here. Kris Jenner claims that there’s some band of “pranksters” out there who are purposely planting false information about the Kardashian/Jenner clan in the media in an effort to sabotage the family, apparently. If that’s not self-righteous enough for you, she thinks it’s someone in that prankster group that started the whole Kris Jenner sex tape “rumour”, as well.

From TMZ:

Sources close to Kris tell us, the matriarch is convinced she and the rest of the Kardashian family are the victims in an elaborate prank plot — and she believes the people behind it are the same people who spread rumors she was in a sex tape.

We’re told the group is responsible for a string of pranks against the family — planting bogus stories about the sex tape, Kris dating a rapper, Kim’s wedding, Rob Kardashian in rehab, and more.

Even crazier … Kris believes one of the pranksters has been impersonating her to a tee, booking fake photoshoots and fancy restaurant reservations around the country.

We’re told the group booked a Kardashian reservation at every Nobu in America last week — and Kris only found out when her phone rang off the hook with requests to confirm. We’re told Kris has now given her favorite restaurants code words to verify Kardashian reservations from here out.

I mean… I guess it’s possible or something? I know people have a lot of spare time on their hands and do stupid shit, but creating fake restaurant reservations? What would be the point, honestly? Also, in re: the sex tape, she wouldn’t have been so worked up about it/continued talking about it if it didn’t exist. How can someone blackmail you over something they don’t have? Think about it, Kris – you’re your own worst “prankster”.

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April 18, 2014 at 9:00 am by Jennifer

0Apparently “Kardashian Phobia” is a real thing

mike

Well, there’s a whole new illness on the block, and this one is particularly hilarious/strange/bizarrely fitting. Apparently retail assistant Mike Amess has a severe phobia of the entire Kardashian family to the point of becoming ill whenever he so much as sees a picture of them. HAHAHA! Here’s the scoop from The Daily Mail (PLEASE read the whole thing – this is so hilarious):

He breaks out in a cold sweat whenever he sees or hears the famous family and says the sight of a semi-naked Kim even makes him vomit with disgust.

The 24-year-old from Exeter explains, ‘Just hearing the sound of the Kardashians’ nasal voices or catching a glimpse of them on screen makes me feel nauseous and shaky. My hands get clammy, my breathing gets heavier and I start sweating. Sometimes, I get teary and want to retch.’

Apparently this phobia started with having watched Kim‘s sex tape, which “repulsed” him – and not just because he’s gay.

‘I really wanted to be aroused by her so I kept watching it but she made me feel more and more upset. By the end of the tape, I had burst into tears. The experience left me terrified and I never wanted to see Kim’s face again. I have come to terms with my homosexuality now but my dread towards her has never left.’Mike says that his phobia has got worse since Kim’s fame skyrocketed and his fear now extends to the whole Kardashian family.

He explains, ‘Kim and her sisters look and sound so similar – they’re a mess. They make my stomach churn, I hate it. I dislike everything about them, especially their physical appearance. I don’t understand how anyone could find them attractive. I can’t stand their voices either. They’re so whiny and shrill – it really gets under my skin.’

LOL. He’s also really upset because he “misses out” on important celebrity gossip because he’s afraid he’ll have to see a picture of one of the Kardashians and he’ll throw up again, the way he did when he saw the ‘Bound 2′ video for the first time:

He says, ‘One day, I was lazing about on the sofa in front of the TV. I was skipping through music channels and that video came on.

Seeing Kim naked, with her boobs bouncing about like that brought back memories of that horrendous sex tape. It was like reliving that incident all over again.

‘Before I knew it, I was sweating like a pig and throwing up. When I hear ‘Bound 2′ on the radio now, I have to switch the station immediately.’

I just can’t with this guy. Also, he blames his single status on the Kardashians and even had to break-up with a former boyfriend because of his fear. Like, WHAT? Oh, and he can’t seek doctor’s help because he knows he’d get laughed out of the office. This is the best story (and the most full of bullshit story) EVER. Also, how great is it that his last name is “Amess”? He can say that shit again.

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April 17, 2014 at 11:00 am by Jennifer

14Kim Kardashian’s ass had fun in Thailand

kim kardashian ass 7

God only knows what this photoshoot Kim Kardashian did in Thailand was for, but any excuse to get her ass out is a good thing, I suppose. Indeed, Kim stripped down to a gold bikini to show off her “completely natural” cheeks as she frolicked on the beach.

I can’t hate on Kimmycakes too much – she does indeed have the best body money can buy, so good for her. I just wish we could publicly celebrate the miracles of plastic surgery instead of trying to pretend homegirl was born this way.

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April 8, 2014 at 9:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Kim Kardashian

7Kim Kardashian ran away from a blow job

kim k

Alright, I know that title was a bit crass for so early in the morning, but I couldn’t help myself. Kim Kardashian (and the entire Kardashian/Jenner clan, for that matter) are filming over in Thailand right now, and while they’re all #blessed to be experiencing the country’s beauty (yes, that’s seriously a hashtag they used), they also can’t forget to take time for some selfies.

Kim was working on what she probably thought was gonna be a pretty bad ass selfie with an elephant, but things sorta went awry when the beautiful, majestic animal blew a ton of air out of its trunk and scared the shit out of Kim. Best of all, it was all captured in a photo!

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This is just hilarious. I don’t watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians or any of their other endless spinoffs, but if this was going to be in an episode, I’d make an effort to tune in.

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April 2, 2014 at 7:00 am by Jennifer

3North West went makeup-free in ‘Vogue’

kim kardashian north west kanye west

Yes, because there was ever a question that a fucking BABY would wear make-up, it’s news that in fact North West didn’t need any cosmetic touching up at all for Kim & Kanye‘s much talked about Vogue shoot. Thank the good lord, because otherwise I’d question their sanity even more than I already do (and I don’t think that’s humanly possible).

From Cosmopolitan:

Baby North may have been the real star of the Vogue cover shoot, but she wasn’t fussy when it came to makeup. “She didn’t need it! She is such a little cutie,” Aaron de Mey, the mastermind behind Kimye’s makeup on the April issue, told Cosmopolitan.com earlier today. You heard it here first: North was NOT wearing any foundation or anything for her Vogue shoot — and she still looked that adorable.

Uhhhhhh. This is something an adult human let come out of his mouth, and something another adult human typed out with their fingers. She’s an INFANT, for crying out loud. As if a baby needs foundation? What world do these people live in?

Another hilarious part of this article is where de Mey says that they never tried any crazy looks on Kim before deciding on the theme of the shoot since she’s so “naturally gorgeous” and they wanted to highlight that. Yes, “naturally” now means “laden with plastic surgery”. No shade for cosmetic procedures, but at least own that shit.

kim kardashian

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March 28, 2014 at 10:30 am by Jennifer
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