Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kim Kardashian

British man spends $150,000 to look like Kim Kardashian

kim kardashian

I suppose I owe you all an apology, as I know you’re going to have this image burned into your retinas for all eternity. This 23-year-old old British man, whose name is Jordan James Parke, apparently spent upwards of $150,000 to look more like Kim Kardashian. The resemblance is uncanny, don’t you think?

“I love everything about Kim,” he told The Sun. “She’s the most gorgeous woman ever. Her skin is perfect, her hair, everything about her.”

Apparently he’s had “lip and cheek fillers, laser hair removal, Botox, eyebrow tattoos and veneers”. God help us all. This is such a sad state of affairs on so many levels. I hope this guy spends his next $150k on some professional mental health counseling.

Also, shame on plastic surgeons who are so money hungry and unprofessional that they willingly cater to people like this, who are clearly not mentally stable. This goes above and beyond helping someone feel more confident. This is just ridiculous.


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Kim Kardashian cropped North West out of her selfie and the internet went crazy

kim kardashian north west

I don’t know why anyone on God’s green earth would be surprised that Kim Kardashian is vain and self-centered enough to crop her own child out of her selfie because it was harshing her duck lips vibe, but apparently they were because that’s exactly what happened yesterday.

Kim posted the above photo on Instagram yesterday, where you can clearly see a little sliver of North West. Her followers went INSANE, calling her selfish, saying how this is a sign that Kim has lost her last grip on reality, etc. I mean, she is and she has, but are any of us HONESTLY, seriously shocked that a woman who’s dumb enough to think it’s totally fine to sit on your phone taking pictures of yourself all night when you’re supposed to be on a date wouldn’t crop her kid out of her pictures to preserve her ~sexiness~? COME ON.

Here’s Kim’s response to the drama:

kim kardashian twitter

Well, that says it all – we can’t have accessory children get in the way of our vanity when we’re really feeling ourselves!

I mean, look, I don’t think it’s some cardinal sin or anything that her kid isn’t in a selfie, but I just think her total indignation over this thing is laughable. She honestly has no idea why people would think there’s an issue with it – which, let’s be honest, is more an issue in principal than in reality, but whatever – and it’s yet another display of her utter cluelessness.

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Kim Kardashian reveals Kanye West’s rules for dating

kim kardashian kanye west

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West‘s marriage has lasted far longer than anyone ever thought (and longer than her made-for-TV marriage to the oafish football player guy whose name I can’t even remember), so they must be in a great position to share their secrets to a healthy and happy relationship, right? It all goes back to their dating days, when Kanye set some serious rules for their time together.

“When we first started dating it was rude if we brought our phones with us out, so I learned from him not to bring my phone.”

“We have rules at the table. If we are eating at a restaurant, we’ll wait to do it (take pictures) when we are done eating.” She even praised Yeezus for the rule. “He’s taught me to take a little time for myself and I’ve taught him stop a little more to take time and take pictures and stuff.”

Question – and a serious one: Is Kim Kardashian really that stupid that she honestly had no idea that it was rude to sit staring at your phone all night when you’re out with someone you’re in a relationship with? Is she that self-absorbed that she WANTED to be staring at her phone all night when she was out with someone she was supposedly falling in love with? I’m almost afraid to know the answer (though I think I already do).

Anyhow, here’s video of Kim talking about this, and performing the infamous “Meep meep, get out of me car” Vine, which she’s apparently obsessed with:

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Pippa Middleton And Kim Kardashian Talk About Butts

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Kim Kardashian broke the Internet with her major butt, and Pippa Middleton is a bit confused as to why that happened. She doesn’t understand America’s obsession with butts, and she wrote about it in a column for The Spectator‘s Christmas Special, via E!:

No year is complete without a bottom story, and the ‘Rear of 2014′ award undoubtedly goes to Kim Kardashian, after her posterior exploded all over the internet last month. I must say that mine—though it has enjoyed fleeting fame—is not comparable.

But the Kim butt story did make me pause. What is it with this American booty culture? It seems to me to be a form of obsession. Kim’s aim, apparently, was to break the Internet, but I’m not sure she’s going the right way about it.

(Polite) shots fired! Frankly, Pippa, I don’t get it either. And I doubt Kim’s “business tactics” as well. I don’t think there’s an American out there who doesn’t. We accept her butt the way we accept a crazy old uncle at a family event; we’re not totally thrilled about it, but we know he’s not going away, so we may as well take photos of him and hashtag the hell out of it. I think that metaphor may have gotten away from me there; that’s okay.

Kim has something to say about Pippa’s butt. She told E!:

I love her. She has an amazing booty. She’s beautiful.

That’s kind of Kim. I think she may have overshot it a bit though.

What do you think? Let’s talk butts. Who really has the best butt in Hollywood?

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Kim Kardashian blames God for her pregnancy weight gain

kim kardashian

Kim Kardashian gave birth to daughter North West over a year ago, but she’s still yammering on about the experience like she’s the first woman to ever be pregnant on earth. I can’t with her, especially since she’s actually claimed that all that pregnancy weight she put on was a punishment from God and was all his (His?) doing.

From Elle UK:

“I’d think God was doing this for a reason. He was saying: ‘Kim, you think you’re so hot, but look what I can do to you.’”

“My body just went crazy. After five months I swore I’d never get pregnant again. I got so huge and it felt like someone had taken over my body.”

Change the record, lady. Women have been having babies with much less pomp and circumstance for thousands of years, so enough already. Don’t worry, though, guys – she’s totally into herself NOW and claims that her body (which is all completely and utterly natural and the way God made her, of course – AHEM) is something she’s grown to really love because OTHER people love it.

“It’s taken me a long time to be happy with my body and for my confidence to grow to what it is today,” she admits. “I grew up when the body to have was the tall, slim, supermodel one, like Cindy Crawford’s. No one looked like me. It’s good to break the mould and recreate one.

“I’m an Armenian girl, I have shape, and it turned out people liked that. That makes me feel good about myself and about other women for being so supportive. I am a confident woman, but I didn’t just arrive confident – it has built over the years and that is a big part of who I am now.”

“When I was 13 my father wrote me a letter. I was unhappy with my body – I developed really early. Every night I would sit in the bath and cry, I prayed my boobs would stop growing. He told me I had a body not many girls have, that later it would lead to attention from men, but that the most important thing was that I was a wonderful girl and I had to understand my self worth.”

Great ideals her father taught her, there. “Love your big boobs – men certainly will!” I seriously wish this woman would stop talking for a while. Or, you know, forever.

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Kim Kardashian gets the cover of ‘Elle’ UK

kim kardashian

Kim Kardashian is on the cover of Elle UK’s January 2015 issue, and she’s surprisingly clothed in these shots! There are three different covers, all shot by French photographer Jean-Baptiste Mondino, and they’re all pretty decent… albeit EXTREMELY Photoshopped. I mean, come on – they’ve literally shaved off 60% of her hips/ass! What world do we live in that someone thinks we’re going to buy that this is Kim Kardashian’s real body? No thanks.

Anyhoo, here are the other shots…



It’s kinda funny she’s covering the “confidence” issue. How can you have confidence in something that only exists digitally? Aye carumba.

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Kim Kardashian wants to adopt Thai girl, but girl says ‘No, thanks!’

kim kardashian pink

Leave it to Kim Kardashian to head to Thailand to film Keeping Up with the Kardashians and fall in love with a teen girl she met at an orphanage because she was “pretty” and had a “nice personality”. The girl, called Pink, became the apple of Kim’s eye to the point where Kim wanted to adopt her… a tempting offer, but not one that Pink was really into. She very politely declined Kim’s offer. ICE COLD!

From The Daily Mail:

A teenager from a children’s home in a poverty-stricken region of Thailand made an astonishing decision to turn down an offer from reality TV star Kim Kardashian to adopt her into a life of wealth and glamour overseas.

The level-headed 13-year-old called Pink said she shook with excitement when she heard the multi-millionaire wanted to adopt her, but insisted she wanted to study in Thailand instead then help her impoverished homeland and the orphans she has grown up with.

The girl with a sunny smile stole Kim’s heart when she visited the ramshackle children’s home in Thailand’s Phang Nga province, a region where more than 4,000 people perished in the 2004 tsunami.

Pink, an outstanding scholar whose mother sent her to the home because she was too poor to care for her and fund her education, immediately bonded with Kim and gave her a bracelet in a visit in April filmed for her hit show Keeping Up with The Kardashians.

But after being told the reality TV star wanted to adopt her, Pink said: ‘Everyone wants to have a different or a better life, I suppose. But when I thought about it I realised it wouldn’t be good for me, because I would have to leave so much behind. I wasn’t ready for that.’

After the visit, Kim declared on camera: ‘When you meet someone that you really connect to like this, you can’t help but think like how you could change their life. And I think that looking into adoption would be amazing.

‘I literally cannot stop thinking about her. I told (husband) Kanye, I was like, honestly, this girl is so sweet and so cute, like, I would honestly adopt her.’

She then appeared to abandon the idea after being chided by her mother for treating adoption like a shopping trip and then told by her resort manager that adopting children from Thailand is ‘very, very difficult’.

But Mail Online found that Pink was taken aside and told by the home’s supervisors about Kim’s adoption wish in the show which went out in August and, although delighted at the offer, immediately said a polite but firm ‘no’.

Good for you, Pink! It would be one of the worst decisions in your life to move in with Kim Kardashian. Keep up the good school work and you’ll do just fine. Also, of course Kim Kardashian wants to adopt a kid because she’s “pretty”, and she thinks adopting someone is something you just do on a whim because it strikes your fancy that day. Christ almighty. Someone save North West before it’s too late.