I shouldn’t say this—I shouldn’t!—but in my everyday life, I make constant, consistent jokes at Zooey Deschanel‘s expense.
I don’t know! Recently I tripped over a toy piano and crashed into a tower of yet-unfiled CDs, and I joked I was the “Zooey of Dick Van Dykes.”
Maybe I joke about her because I was a huge Matt Ward fan back in college and now I feel wistful about She and Him. Maybe it’s because I am a natural blonde with dark-dyed hair who dreams of playing the uke and having great bangs. Maybe it’s because I really do play a lap zither and not-on-purpose talk out the corner of my mouth. Maybe it’s because I’m sort of infantilized (not in the adult-diaper way, jerks), you know, just generally and unattractively helpless when it comes to changing lightbulbs on high ceilings. This sort of thing is not totally adorable unless you are a famous actress and singer, unfortunately.
I also know that if I ever say to my friend Robyn “You’re like a Zooey!” she’ll start yelling in public angrily. Especially if I specify, “Your singing sounds a little like the Zooey cotton commercial.” Oooh, poor Robyn. She hates when I say things like that, but for real, Robyn has great dyed-dark bangs.
Yeah, OK, I know we love Zooey around here, but it’s still a lot of fun to make up Zooey Zingers, particularly when I am sitting anywhere near my friend Robyn. But why am I so mean? Why, when Zooey played one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite movies?
Anyway, this time I can’t crack wise about Zooey at all. It’s very frustrating. Here she is with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and they make beautiful music together. Seriously.
I mean, I want to be cruelly dismissive and apathetic; I really do want to act like quirky, winning charm has zero effect on my stone heart. It’s all lies. You’ll love this.