“It’s so hard for me to share my feelings. I’ve actually never told a guy that I loved him. I’ve felt them; I just can’t say them. My friend recently convinced me how important it is for guys to know that. I wound up writing letters to all the men I’ve been with, telling them that I did feel that for them. Well, except for the one guy who I wrote and was like, ‘You’re a f*cking c*nt.'”
– Adele tells Cosmopolitan details about her seemingly sordid love life.
Poor Adele. Girl has some issues that are made painfully obvious in her music (and not “painfully obvious” like “OMG, please,” but “painfully obvious” like “ow, Adele, I can honestly feel your pain”), but it’s good that she seems to be working things out, right?
They airbrushed the hell out of that picture. Looks like they blotted out about 40 -50 pounds off her.
Why can’t I read Cosmo? I mean, it might as well be gibberish.
I guess I’m just male and we aren’t meant to read it or something. The things inside are straight out of some weird horror novel.
Just take that cover: “When he shouldn’t see you naked.” Well, never. He should always see you naked if he’s seen you at all. If he thinks less of you if you’ve gained a few pounds, leave. He’s a douche. Most men love to see women naked. It overrides every other form of beauty.
Or: the “Shit my guy says”: Look, men ARE dogs. Just roll up a newspaper and spat him on the nose. (even literally) He’ll get the idea or … he’s a douche and you should give him the boot.
Or: “His secret marriage checklist.” Well, that’d be that you make him more happy than now and not less. That the coolness you bring to his life is greater than bitching, nagging, and costing him money, friends, and prestige. That he is more confident with you than now. (More on that later.)
Or: “Is being nice holding you back.” Well, that’d be yes if you’re out to bag a dickhead or a mouse. Dickheads usually won’t respond unless you show up in a trenchcoat and flash them. Then they treat you like crap. Mice are generally the same way except they curl up in a little ball at the threat. Real men like the _ILLUSION_ that they’ve done the conquering, or won something. It makes the _PRIZE_ that much more valuable. Some do have the confidence to respond to a more aggressive woman, but most won’t treat you well. Sometimes you get two shallow people and it works. (Brad & Angie I’m lookin’ at you.)
That isn’t to say that a confident, aggressive woman couldn’t be effective, but they have to remember to give the fish some slack before sinking the hook. Remember subtlety is your best asset. 99% of all men are so lunk-headed they’ll miss it, but enjoy it all the same.
Remember the golden rule: All men are almost retardedly simple creatures. Women SHOULD have us wrapped around their fingers, but most’ve lost (or never had) that ability. Men operate on a _SINGLE_ currency that women can dish out for free: confidence. Make a man feel confident and you’ve gained a slave. With a gentle (and subtle) bit of tweaking you can make him into a prince.
Jesus. I think I just made myself sick, but there you go. I just can’t get Cosmo.
what angry pirate said