19. 19 girls. It blows my mind that Jesse James can land any girls at all, let alone 19. Add on the fact that Jesse landed 19 girls within one year while also in a relationship, and consider me flabbergasted.
Never have I felt so strong about True Love, than I do today. I believe in Love more than anything else, and more than ever before.
Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list of people Jesse cheated on me with during this last year.
I kept going back and forth in my mind as to what the best way would be for me to release and let go of any residual feelings remaining from that toxic relationship. All of this may sound petty or immature to some, but I assure you this is coming from a place of pure honesty and love.
There was a time when I was confident and excited at proving the world wrong, because I believed so deeply in people’s ability to change for the better. Although this was not a primary purpose in the relationship, I did feel like it would be a positive thing for those who judged Jesse solely based on what they read in tabloids, to see that change is always possible – even in the people who seem hopeless.
I still believe that, even if that change never occurs inside of him – because I see proof of change everyday – in others, and in myself.
I’m far from perfect, but am willing to examine myself, and my patterns of dysfunction, and then put in the work to better myself. It’s a daily practice, but it’s working.
Sure, its easy to tell someone, “I told you so” especially if you’re criticizing someone from the outside, but that attitude comes from a place called Ego, and not Love.
I know I deserve a big fat “I told you so,” from everyone, and wish I didn’t have to say, “You all were more right than you’ll ever know” but you were.
Not to worry, I’ve gladly paid the consequences for every mistake I’ve ever made, but learned so much from each of them.
Yes, I am pretty tired of getting mistaken for the girl who everyone believes to have broken up Jesse and Sandra’s marriage, just because I have black hair and tattoos like that other gal. That does get a quite annoying at times, and it would be nice to not be associated with her, but that’s trivial in the grand scheme of things.
I think it just made me sad today to imagine him still in that dark place – where seeking validation through the attention of women takes precedence over being a good father, a sincere friend, a better coworker, and a happy individual.
I tried my best to go through all of this without venting, or complaining, or fueling more tabloid mumbo jumbo – but this isn’t about any of that.
This is about me making peace with myself, and forgiving myself for making some bad mistakes.
I don’t want to sink into the feelings of regret, or resentment.
Because right now, for the first time in my life I have felt regret, (for someone like me, who’s never felt that before, this is hard to say out loud).
Time is something you can never get back, and what we do with this very present moment is the most real thing we have. So if that’s the lesson Jesse forced me to face and learn by all of this, than all I can say is Thank You.
It would be nice to move on now, and kindly thank you all in advance for your support, love, and positivity.
Life is far too grand to focus on the negative and put each other down.
Sending Love and Light to everyone, especially those who weren’t always so kind,
Kat Von D
I think it’s good that Kat understands what a giant “I told you so” moment this really is, and I’m glad that she’s “sending love and light to everyone,” because that’s sweet, I guess, but does this make her more sympathetic? I mean, I know she was never and can never be on Sandra Bullock‘s sympathy level, but did you guys ever feel the least bit bad for this woman?