Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Steven Seagal Is A Major Douchebag, Also Shoots Puppies

A photo of Steven Seagal

You know, I bet no one woke up this morning and thought “man, I wonder what that Steven Seagal has been up to lately?” Justin Bieber, sure (car accident), Snooki, probably (an intense aversion to whale sperm), but Steven Seagal? Nobody really cares. Well, nobody except for the guy whose puppy got shot.

Ok, so Steven here has this reality show (seriously, are people still into this guy? Let me know) called Steven Seagal Lawman, and they apparently film some pretty hardcore stuff. For instance, there’s this guy in Arizona, right, this guy named Jesus, and he has a lot of roosters. Like over 100 roosters. And Steven Seagal, along with the local police department, had a feeling that Jesus might be into some cockfighting which, of course, isn’t cool. So Steven, the camera crew, and this tactical operations unit show up in a tank, like you do, and they slammed through Jesus’ gate, and basically all hell broke loose. Over 100 of those roosters were killed and, in all the mayhem, Jesus’ little puppy got shot.

For all his trouble, Jesus wants $100,000 and a formal apology, which is totally reasonable. If some tired old action star messed up my house and killed my puppy, I’d demand a lot more, wouldn’t you?

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