Today's Evil Beet Gossip

But Snooki, Why Won’t You Go in The Ocean?

A photo of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

Magic happens in the ocean! There are fun waves and cute critters and as long as you play it safe, there’s a pretty good chance you won’t drown or get attacked by sharks! What’s not to love? Sure, the salt water can take a little getting used to, but hey, it’s just salt, right?

Wrong. According to darling Snooki, the water just seems salty because of all the whale sperm! See, Snooki swears up and down that “if you Google it,” you can see that whales ejaculate “like two thousand million sperms” into the water (you might think that whales typically only ejaculate during sexy times, but Snooki explains that sometimes it leaks), which explains the salty taste of ocean water, and also the reason why she refuses to go in the ocean. And now you know! Come on, would Snooki lie to you?*

*She would, you guys, Google doesn’t say that.

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