Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Tom Cruise Is Telekinetic, Also Has The Power of Mind Control

A photo of Tom Cruise

Oh my gosh, it is taking all the willpower I have not to just type “LOLOLOLOLOLOL” and a link to this story about Tom Cruise. It actually might be the funniest thing I’ve ever read, but I can’t really give it a lot of thought, because I’m laughing too hard. Tom Cruise has special mind powers, you guys. This is very serious business.

From Us Weekly:

Tom Cruise may be a superstar in Hollywood, but in the Church of Scientology, he’s positively supernatural.

The 50-year-old Rock of Ages actor’s devotion to the controversial religion was one of the contributing factors in his just-settled divorce from Katie Holmes — who bitterly objected to parenting their 6-year-old daughter Suri under the unusual guidelines of Scientology.

Founded in 1954 by the late L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology (“the study of truth”) has 10 million followers worldwide in 159 countries, with more than 6,000 churches, missions and outreach groups, and with reportedly billions of dollars in holdings.

Cruise (with John Travolta landing a close second) is the most well-known followers of the faith — and, according to “Inside Scientology,” an in-depth Rolling Stone investigation from March 2006, the Oscar nominee is known as an “Operating Thetan,” or an “OT.”

Having practiced Scientology for 30 years, Cruise has traveled the so-called “Bridge to Total Freedom” to achieve, through intense “auditing” sessions and other practices, a rarefied sense of enlightenment.

Scientologists mark the path to the “Bridge” with ascending grades or stages, and, Janet Reitman’s Rolling Stone story reports, Cruise is at the very advanced “OT VII” stage. Operative Thetans, Reitman says, have “have total ‘control’ over themselves and their environment. OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behavior of, both animals and human beings.”

The more advanced Cruise and other Operating Thetans become, Reitman reports, they reach a God-like state: “At the highest levels, they are allegedly liberated from the physical universe, to the point where they can psychically control what Scientologists call MEST: Matter, Energy, Space and Time.”

So if you ever see a tiny object floating high in the sky, don’t be alarmed, it’s probably just Tom taking his evening flight. Has your dog been acting a little strange? No big deal, he probably just had a thought provoking chat with ol’ Tommy! Have you ever been in L.A. or New York and witnessed an inanimate object move all on its own? Look behind you, fool, it’s a goofin’ Tom Cruise!

I am never going to stop laughing over this. OT for life, friends. OT for life.

13 CommentsLeave a comment

  • LOLOLOL forever. It reads like total science fiction! Because it was in fact written by a science fiction writer.

    I do believe that some people are telekinetic. But the idea that such powers are in the hands of a toony tune like Tom is almost spooky. Spookier than Carrie.

    Mind control? not so much, I guess…. didn’t work so well on his wife, or her family.

    Tom Cruise, Master of the Universe!!!!!!! Mwahahaha…

  • While it is fun to laugh at poor Tommy-girl, the stuff scientology speaks about at the upper end is exactly the same stuff that most mystery traditions (GD, OTO, and others; including Yoga (did you know that?)) speak about.

    These things are nothing new.

    Paranormal beliefs (what you’re talking about above) are highly regarded (but as yet unproven, probably because of crappy studies) to be correlated with extraversion, open mindedness, and progressive belief systems.

    At the same time, religious people (most likely conservative) are most likely to hold paranormal beliefs as well.

    Some numbers from a recent study (ethesis – Chris Huntley):

    85% of subjects indicated their belief in something paranormal
    16% expressed religious beliefs (Christianity, Shinto, whatever)
    15% psionic (telepathy, mind control, etc)
    14% witchcraft
    7% superstition (likely because of the pejorative inherent)
    14% spiritualism (seances, ghost hunting, and channeling)
    5% extra-ordinary life forms (demons? angels? ufo’s? study wasn’t clear.)
    13% precognition (tarot reading, i-ching, and others)

    Women were slightly more inclined to believe (1%).

    Men believed more in precognition and extra-ordinary life forms.
    Women believed more in traditional religious beliefs and witchcraft.

    None were significant differences.

    A national Gallup poll showed radically higher beliefs, such as 45% believe UFOs have visited earth.

    ALL of these things (in fact, the paranormal gamut) are contained within scientology. One of the major gripes is LRH took all of this stuff and clambaked it with his own ham-handedness without crediting his original sources. NOTHING in scientology is original from LRH.

    In fact, if you were to study traditional western mysticism, you’d find most groups have a grade system where the applicant is purified through several steps before reaching a zenith. All of the western orders, to my knowledge, have this.

    Almost all of the ends of the western mysticism chains have ALL of the above powers attributed to them.

    Again, scientology is no different. Xenu and the Thetans thing is what makes them a laughing stock (along with LRH’s weird digressions and massive arrogance).

    The actual method of removing engrams (if you study scientology, and I have) would be psychologically equivalent to psychotherapy-with-a-hammer, but it is ham-handedly implemented and poorly understood. That is, if we re-frame engrams as psychological trauma. LRH had this really weird habit of ascribing trauma to pre-birth sex (ie sex during pregnancy). It is just … odd. (Past-life trauma falls under paranormal beliefs and is a big part of scientology.)

    Scientologist’s method of removing trauma is to use prolonged exposure therapy. Basically, you relive painful incidents over, and over, and over, and over until you’ve burned out what trauma was left. They objectively view the parts of the trauma to alleviate them as well. They might describe it differently, but this is the mechanism. Anyway, there is more to it, but the actual METHOD is sound.

    Anyway, where I was going with this is make fun all you like, but realize that you’d be in the minority.

    I’m pointedly not going to pound you on tolerance, as:

    1) This IS a gossip blog after all! :)
    2) You probably don’t study much alternative stuff, so you wouldn’t know.
    3) Most paranormal beliefs fall under Occultism. Occult is from occultus (hidden from view). This means you generally have to go looking for it or search. You probably haven’t.

    Did you also know there are (fairly decently sized) groups of people that believe they are vampires? I have a book on my desktop, drawn from esoteric sources, describing how to drain energy from people. Is it real? *shrug* I like talking to them though.

    There are people that believe they are studying the Force to become real-life Jedi.

    There are people that believe they are half-fairy (or whole, I guess).

    Humanity is absolutely thrilling in its diversity and it’d be a shame to miss out on all that. It’d be like refusing to eat ANYTHING but crackers for the rest of your life.

    *sigh* I wrote a book again, but the subject’s fairly deep and spans, oh, all of humanity’s time on earth?

  • Sigh, indeed, Angry Pirate. Sorry we’re all a bunch of SP’s (isn’t that what you folks call us?), but we’ve had enough of the alien bulls**t. I do admire your ability to write, or copy and paste, such a long, detailed missive. I’m glad you are following the “Church’s” instructions to flood websites with defensive statements. You’re a good little robot, yes you are!

    • You didn’t read any of it though? Angry Pirate is a well-read person on lots of topics, that’s what he or she displayed. You’re paranoid and defensive.

    • LOL!

      Reading comprehension for the loss.

      Oh but I do love irony cupcakes (with sprinkles!).

      You get a hug. *Hugs StO*

      *gives CranAppleSnapple a cupcake*


      • Forget the cupcakes…I’ve got some nice Kool-Aid for you. Trust me, it will make you waaaaaaay less defensive!

    • Come on, even if he’s trying to defend “strange beliefs” (and why not), it’s clear Angry Pirate ain’t a Scientology undercover agent. No Scientologists would ever say “LRH stole every single idea without giving credit”, it would be like spitting on the pope for a catholic ! Scientologists believe LRH is the single greatest genius that ever walked this Earth – while (to them) people like Jesus were just frauds (see the famous LRH “There was no Christ” speech, recorded on tape)

  • Ok, if Tommy could “leave his body at will,” why wouldn’t he leave his body and inhabit a taller one?

    • That’s hilarious! 8)p

      Just in case it was a serious (or semi-serious) question, though:

      Traveling in the “body of light” or an OOBE (out of body experience) doesn’t entail actually severing the spirit (or mind, depending on point of view) from the body. It is a projection (as in Astral Projection) of the consciousness at a distance. Some traditions hold that this is your aura. Scientology also speaks of aura reading, so my guess is they subscribe to the aura shifting theory.

      In this regard, it is akin to clairsentience (clairaudience or clairvoyance are two sub-types, being hearing and sight at a distance).

      To inhabit another body with a soul, you would have to drive the current soul out; possession; or swap it at time of death; serial immortality or a form thereof.

      Also, embodied or enfleshed spirits can’t actually vacate their vessels (or mortal coil from Catholicism) without kicking the bucket. The tether that affixes them here is the aforementioned mortal coil.

      Possession and serial immortality are much different levels than astral projection. You can learn how to produce OOBE phenomena in a few weeks. That is what scientology is talking about.

      And that, young Neophyte, is your Occult lesson for today.

      • I do apologize then.

        I’m really like a cat and questions are like a ball of yarn or nice fresh roll of toilet paper.

        I’m glad you aren’t offended and have a wonderful day! :)

        *Gives bondbabe a left-over irony cupcake (with Sprinkles!) (unless she’s Christmas Jones)*