Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Madonna’s Sorry About That Whole Hydrangea Mess

Ha, ha! Just kidding! She isn’t sorry at all!

So one time, Madonna sat down with a bouquet of hydrangeas—to apologize to them, to stroke them affectionately, maybe to make them breakfast later.

“You have no idea how many nights I have lost,” Madonna mouths to the bouquet (it’s, uh, a silent movie), “thinking how I hurt you.” She coddles the hydrangeas a while longer, whispering sweet nothings into their delicate purple petals.

Suddenly, a twist! The music turns violent! So, you think Madonna is some kind of monster? Cast her as a villainess, will you? She’ll show you “monster”! A monster you want? A MONSTER YE SHALL RECEIVE! (That’s how I interpreted the music, anyway.) Madonna addresses the camera: “I still hate hydrangeas!” she pantomimes. “And I will always hate them!”

Madonna, in her best impersonation of “no wire hangers,” hurls the hydrangeas to the floor, cruelly tramples them, and storms off—visibly giggling.

She’s a cheeky little brat, isn’t she? Madge! Are you sure your publicist is doing his job?

No, no, don’t get up. Everything’s fine, Madge. Vitalii Sediuk, the self-described “Ukrainian TV person” you insulted, says he forgives you.

Boy, today sure has been weird.

3 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Only Madonna could be caught being an utterly pretentious bitch, then instead of apologizing, make a mini movie basically saying that anyone offended by her bitchiness is an ass, and score a lot of publicity along the way.
    I can’t stand Madonna, but she sure knows how to turn things her way. Or to hire people who do it for her.