Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The Best Movie Of All Time Is Finally Getting Its Third Installment

So, I am obsessed with the Three Men and a Baby movies. If you don’t get it, fuck you. I don’t have time to explain awesomeness to you. You’re either in or you’re out.

Now, there’s been a rumor going around that there’s going to be a third movie in the series starring all of the original cast and it will be called Three Men and a Bride. Tom Selleck even confirmed it in an interview with MTV. I am making a public declaration: If this is true and the movie is made, I will attend the opening night and then commit suicide in the bathroom of the movie theater immediately after the screening. I will murder myself. Because you wanna know why? Life can’t go anywhere after sweet baby Mary is walked down the aisle by Tom, Steve and Ted. There’s really nothing left for me to experience. Perhaps this is why I should have held on to my virginity all these years. Then and only then would I have something to continue holding out for.

So let’s do this, guys! Let’s get my life over with!

21 CommentsLeave a comment

  • You’re in or out right? Well, in this case I’m in, but this post freaks me out. I’m not one to lurk on blogs to make nasty comments, but I don’t think dangling suicide out there as a carrot for this movie to be made is clever or funny or entertaining. It’s creepy. I hope they make the movie too, but I hope you take back that comment and promise to do almost anything but that.

  • Contrary to the comments above, I thought this post was hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh out loud. Jeez people molls is funny if you don’t take what she says verbatim!

  • Have a sense of humor losers, My dad committed suicide when I was a child and even I know this is funny. Molls- I visit this site almost everyday and you never fail to make me giggle.

  • We have all grown up with this PC crap and it has dire-ly effected our senses of humor! This post is funny. I also loved those movies when I was younger. I used to love Steve… he’s been my fave since he was Carey Mahoney in Police Academy. Anyway, bring on the Men!

  • molls you are a fucking retard. Kill yourself. Really. Do the world a favor. Do your parents a favor. Do God a favor. Do us all a favor.
    Your life cannot possibly consist of anything of fucking value. If all that you must possess is trumped by this shit, truly you should just put a fucking bullet in your head.

  • movies, with the exception of movies inspired by books, don’t do so well with sequels, we all want them, but they never deliver :/ i loved the first movie, but 2 was stupid and so will 3 be. that’s just, science.

  • It’s not the idea of Molls committing suicide that bugs me… it’s how the post sounds like it was written by a tween, aimed at a tween audience.

    I’m sure all the Bieber fans are going “Fuck yeah, Molls, ur so da coolest! Hey mom, did you hear that? I said fuck!”

  • so yeah that opening line right there made me my out into an in on you Molls, but the rest of it is a little extreme. I’m hoping you were just on a sugar rush writing this, but that first sentence is fucking hilarious.