I hate Dane Cook. I know, he’s the most easily hated person in the history of people who aren’t Hitler, but I honestly can’t stand the guy. It’s so multilayered. He’s unfunny. This took a couple years for me to figure out because I was young and impressionable (maybe 14?) when he hit the scene and he’s from my part of Massachusetts. I probably do feel extra pissed because it admittedly took me a couple years to figure out that the guy never tells jokes. He says things that sound like jokes in a joke telling fashion, but name-checking a product from the 80s while throwing yourself across the stage is not a joke. It’s not. Don’t be fooled. It might make you laugh, and laughter is an important element of a comedy show, but jokes are an even more important element of a comedy show. Also, he was rude to me once. People never forget how you make them feel, Dane.
Anyway, I’m sure you know how I feel about the rumors that Dane is dating that really adorable Mormon chick from Dancing With the Stars who thinks she’s a singer now or something. Julianne Hough? She seems sweet, right? Like a nice Mormon girl just trying to do it big in Hollywood, substance-free and with a love of Christ, kind of.
The two of them, who I guess who have been pals for awhile, were seen getting cozy at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood on Saturday night where Dane did a surprise show. The two sat alone in a private booth, and after awhile, Dane smooched her and they took off quickly together. Probably to have really unfunny, sinful sex.
Dane Cook ruins everything, you guys. Fine, I’ll say one nice thing about him: He’s really good at MySpace.
You are so jealous of this guy, it’s ridiculous. I would never say that in terms of someone’s hate… But it’s so apparent!
Geeez so he doesn’t tell jokes, big deal. He’s an entertainer! He entertains people through his interpretations of everyday life.
Holy crap, get your panties out of a bunch.
WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY MOLLS IS JEALOUS when she is just stating opinions (or in this case, FACTS)?!?!
On almost every post, someone says Molls is jealous.
Doubtful.
Haven’t you ever just not liked someone and it was just because you didn’t like them or didn’t agree with them or they were just total d-bags?! … or were you just jealous of them?! probably not jealous.
Godwin’s Law was invoked in the second sentence of this post. Where shall we go from here?
Oh, and I, too, dislike Dane Cook. (My favorite Cook is Rachael Lee)
Excellent catch.
I despise Dane Cook as well. But, nope, definintely not jealous of him. Definitely not jealous of his douchey hair, crappy stand-up show or horrible acting “skills.” Kit-Kat, move along.
I hate when people get offended when something negative is said about a celebrity on this site. If you can’t handle snarkiness or someone voicing hatred for a douchey celebrity, you really shouldn’t be reading gossip sites!
I don’t think he’s remotely funny. And I am always getting him confused with the equally unfunny Dax Shepard. I find the charge of jealousy kinda ridiculous. Are we not allowed to not think people are funny without it being a deep seeded jealousy? I don’t think Will Ferrell is funny. Am I jealous of him, too? Or Carrot Top? Or Andy Dick? Sarah Silverman is only so-so funny so I must be half jealous of her?
However, I find Dmitri Martin to be one of the funniest people on the planet.
I too hate it when people associate hating someone with being jelaous of them. If we used this logic for everything it would mean I’m jealous of EBD. Hahahahahahaha!
Stalker. I have a restraining order, you know.
This is the most upset you’ve ever been in your life? Wow, you must have a really awesome life.
Dane Cook is lame, I’ll agree with that.
You obviously have great comprehension when it comes to satire. Kudos.
Thanks! I appreciate it!
Do you blow as much as your name implies?
someone was rude to you? i can’t imagine why.
what exactly is he ruining? if she is such a great mormon, she will have said no to sex. if she said yes? then whats the big deal, she ruined it for herself, not him.
sorry i didnt mean to make that a reply to you : /
Yah, me neither…..hmmmmm….lol
I have obviously missed something important. That entire first paragraph has absolutely no meaning to me. Except the last two sentences. It’s almost like reading another language. One I don’t know how to read.
The fact that you were maybe 14 when he came on the scene explains so much for me now in regards to your writing skills.
hahahaha…..That is funny….thanks for the great laugh!!
When I heard Dane’s brother in law/ manager ripped him off for millions I was really happy, Dane is a creep. I hope his brother in law is found innocent by a jury who also hates Dane Cook, that would be funny.
Julieanna Hough is a well known hobag who is trying to sleep her way to a career other than getting her feet stepped on, Dane is not the way to a career he’s a downgrade. Her brother is as mercenary as she is.
hobag, LOL You gotta let a ho be a ho (h/t geto boys)
What did this guy do to deserve your hatred?
I feel like I’m missing something. Do you hate him because he’s not funny? Or because he’s dating that chick from DWTS? Or is it because he made out with the chick that he’s dating at the Laugh Factory?
Swarmy isn’t funny..
i like Dane cook… i think he is funny when he does stand up… he entertains me… i don’t like him in movies though… perhaps only in Mr Brooks…
Anyone who doesn’t think Dane Cook is funny, obviously doesn’t have a sense of humor.
I really enjoy Dane Cook in movies and stand up. I actually considered buying his dvd, and I don’t buy dvd’s =/ I get people have different opinions, and it’s perfectly ordinary for people to not like him, but honestly, this level of dislike is unreal to me. He must have been a real dick to you.
Dane cook is funny, hence the laughter he causes you. The definition of , comedy isn’t jokes you moron, it’s humorous entertainment. If saying things in a joke like fashion and throwing yourself across the stage entertains people and makes them laugh, then it’s comedy…
Aww were you the kid licking an ice cream cone when Dane went up and smashed it in your face?