Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Shake That Booty, Miley!

Is it wrong that I’m a little obsessed with Miley Cyrus? You know what? It’s definitely wrong. You know how I know that? Because I’m a heterosexual, 27-year-old female, and I’m watching this performance and thinking, “Holy shit that girl is hot.” So, I mean, Lord only knows what the men of the world are thinking about this child. I will be way, way more comfortable with everything about Miley Cyrus when she turns 18. Here’s Miley performing “Party in the USA” at some place that isn’t America on Wednesday. She dry-humps the air around 1:07 (thanks Cady for the heads-up!). I don’t think we can be upset about the dry-humping when we can see her damn butt cheeks hanging out of the bottom of her shorts. Oh, Miley, can you be an adult already so we can all stop being upset about the enormous sexuality with which you’ve been so successfully marketed?

Do you know who I am not obsessed with? This small child named Justin Bieber who sings the “One Less Lonely Girl” song. They never played it on the radio in Seattle, but I’ve been in Scottsdale the past week and it is all anyone ever plays on the radio. The first time I heard it I was like, “Oh, this is a lesbian singing a song. How lovely. Trite, but lovely.” Then, as it continued, I began to get an inkling that this might be a male singing. Then I asked about it on Twitter and I was informed that it was this Justin Bieber person I’ve been hearing about lately. And a reader on Facebook linked me to a fan page called No Justin Bieber you don’t love that girl, you’re 12, and I think that about sums up my feelings on the subject. I watched the song’s video (above), and all I could think was that if this child approached me on the street and wanted me to hand a piece of paper that said “I will shower you with kisses” to some girl, I would call both their parents immediately.

You know why I think I’m most upset about this? It’s obviously being marketed to really young girls, and the mere implication that a pre-teen girl needs a goddamn boyfriend to keep from being lonely is downright abhorrent. Girls, this concept that you should be dating and in love in middle school to keep from being sad and alone is a LIE THE MEDIA IS SELLING TO YOU. DON’T BUY IT. You don’t need anything to do on Valentine’s Day but your fucking homework. You have the rest of your life to fall in love, so take some time to learn math while someone’s still teaching it to you for free. Oh, and you know what’s not going to help you land a quality man when you are old enough to be dating? Miley-style booty shorts and public dry-humping. That’s a lie, too. Save that shit for the bedroom. You’re welcome for all the free advice.

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  • I totally agree with you on this one!!!!!

    However, in defense of the little boy’s song…at least the lyrics aren’t demeaning towards women (or should I say girls)…you don’t hear him calling girls deragotory names or anything even sexual.

    The lyrics say : “I’m gonna put you first”, amongst other things that I, myself would love to hear from someone I love.

    I guess, the only thing that could be better is if someone OLDER was singing the song. I totally agree that this song (being sung by someone so young) could be sending the wrong message to tween girls.

  • wow, miley shaking her ass like shes in a Juvenile video just makes me neck recoil…at least shes singing live, props….

    wasnt this for the queen of england or something??

    • Ughh, this girl is such a struggle! She doesn’t even know how to shake it. It’s so forced and awkward. Not to mention her ugly voice sounds so strained trying to “sing”. I’m disappointed. Big fail =(

  • i really don’t get the big deal about justin bieber being so young. i mean, he’s fourteen, going on fifteen. how old was aaron carter when he started? ten? how old was jesse mccartney when he joined dream street – eleven?

    i mean, maybe i was too young myself to notice it, but i don’t remember there being any talk at all about how young they were.

    and dating in middle school wasn’t so big a deal, either. not everyone had a “boyfriend” back then, but plenty of people did. girls and boys definitely like each other by that age, so i don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” though it’s certainly not necessary. i mean, as long as you’re not those two fifth graders who were caught by school security tapes boinking it in the back of the classroom, whatever.

    • Justin is 15 going on 16. I just googled him and his bday is listed as March ’94 whereas Miley is November ’92…………they are less than a year and a half apart! Ahhhhh! That is so weird considering she acts like she’s 21 and he looks/sounds like a 12 year old.

  • He is a cutie. Reminds me of Jessie McCartney in his much younger days. Hope he doesn’t grow into a train wreak. Now everytime I see his face I’ll think of his as an awfully cute lesbian. Thanks Beet!

  • What exactly was Miley performing at? It seemed like some kind of formal awards show, yet she was up on stage parading around in (her usual) trashy outfits? Good God, that girl is devoid of any class.

  • GAH! Her performance was terrible! “Everyone here seems famous”–what does that even mean? It looked like she was performing for a pretty formal crowd, too, which makes this even more cringe-inducing.

    I actually liked the Justin Bieber song, though. Even though the title “one less lonely girl” is a little demeaning (all girls are just waiting around to be saved from loneliness?), and I agree with you about the math thing, it’s a pretty innocuous song. Michael Jackson was about 11 when he sang “I Want You Back” and that was cute as hell, so I can’t get upset about a 15-year-old singing love songs.

  • Although the Miley video was pretty terrible and so off-key, nothing could be worse than her clothing line they are selling at Wal-Mart!

    • Funny, I was thinking: hey she’s not doing so bad for not lip-synching. There were a couple of flat notes, but I like to know that it’s a human being singing, and not a computer fixing it for them. It gives me hope for the future of professional musicians, of which I am one.

    • Haha, nah it’s not so bad. I actually bought a really cool tank top, and two long sleeved shirts by her and I love them! Hell, I’m wearing the shirt now and it’s really cute AND it was only like $6! I’m not too proud to wear it, even though Miley herself is a little bit…trashy. I kinda feel bad about funding her classlessness, but altogether everything I got was maybe like $20 so it’s not all bad lol.

  • A couple things—-
    -Miley Cyrus can’t sing….at all.
    -She acts way too grown up for her age but then I think back to when Britney was 17 and think maybe I’m being too judgemental.
    -Who the hell is this stupid kid Justin? And why is he famous all of a sudden? He’s like 9!!!!
    -And finally-maybe I’m just an old fuddy duddy but I don’t understand the whole long swooped hair over the forehead thing with boys these days. It’s ugly. Give me the somewhat spiked gel hair.

  • Miley Cyrus was performing on the Royal Variety Performance in the UK in front of the Queen! Why would you dance like a hooker when your only in front of royalty? Bizarre

  • It’s okay, Beet. I’m a 22-year-old gay male, and I have something of a girl-crush on Miley. Admittedly, that crush is pretty much washed away when she is standing beside any of her boyfriends. Also, if she really did NOT sleep with Justin Gaston, then I am impressed. I know that everyone isn’t as easy as I am, but she must have some sort of amazing resolve. Or he might.

    Also, her dance (while -extremely- white trashy) and wardrobe make sense for the song “Party in the USA,” and though she was performing for the Queen, Lady Gaga also performed for the Queen. Also, dancing like Miley was is super fun, though, as Beet said, it will not help you find love.

    Trust me.

  • Miley looks like white-trash and just needs to accept that she does have some talent, so why she attempts to be a sex-siren and Britney Spears imitator is foolish at her age. Too many little girls look up to her, and being so sexual at 16yrs of age, could be damaging. Young girls want to be attractive to boys, and they believe if they act “sexy” they will get attention, unfortunately, that attention can change their lives negatively. My sister was attacked by two boys when she was 16. She wanted to dress sexy and was at a party when the violent attack happened. She was scarred for life.

  • Miley gives off the impression that she’s so fucking hormonal and horny that she humps everything and anything.

    Bam! Bam!

  • Ummmm… I have to say, miley should stick to never dancing… ever. Leave the dancing to the pussycat dolls who do it better…

  • It was for the Queen, at the Royal Variety show. Have you seen what she wore afterwards when she MET THE QUEEN?! A dress with a neckline that ended BELOW her breasts. I kid you not. That girl is tall, to. If you see the pictures, it looks like her rack is going to fall out of her dress and land on the Queen’s head. SERIOUSLY.

  • Miley sounded worse than a bunch of 13 year old girls singing on the bed into hairbrushes at a sleepover.
    I give her props for not lipsyncing but dear lord, practice or get a better voice or something. That hurt my ears and eyes.

  • i’m not a fan of her music, but i thought she sounded damn good for singing live and all that running around stage and pelvic thrusting.

  • Classic Beet! The last paragraph cracked me up.
    One thing I would like to point out is that at least Miley doesn’t act faux-innocent. she isn’t pretending to be twelve, and some girls really do mature at an early age. On the flip side, she is an icon (as much as it kills me to say it) and so she should take her audience into account when she chooses how to conduct herself. I know I looked up worshipfully to role models who were nice, wholesome girls with a naughty streak (Britney). That’s what draws us to Miley. we just love watching her do something borderline racy and then bitch about it. Also, her singing sucks. It always has. She sounds as if she’s been smoking since she was born.
    As for Justin Bieber, I grew up in the boy band era. I was unimpressed.

  • no, you can’t call those shorts. i think to qualify as shorts they have to cover more of your legs than your abdomen, and those def fail.

  • Miley wore THAT to perform in front of the QUEEN?!?!?! I know its not her Queen but that’s so direspectful! She might as well of turned up naked! – not quite i suppose but still very bad! She’s the Queen for crying out loud!! Its a show for HER, not every over-sexed boy/peado in the world! Douche.

  • mog, what crap, she’s singing about celebrities and dancing to a Ga Ga song? REally? how pathetic, she needs to be more creative than that!

  • Miley has the talent and voice that only exists in a studio with producers hiding her voice and directors cutting and splicing a music video to make her look good.

    Live and in person she has nothing and it show terribly. I can’t believe her dad is proud of the career he has made for her while selling her sexuality at such a young age.
    He is disgusting.

  • regarding the tortured 12 year old looking boy with a girls haircut….i kept wondering why the young girl he was crushing on was in a laundromat doing laundry???
    is she already in college?
    weird is weird and that video is slightly disturbing.

  • Both of the videos made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I couldn’t even finish watching One Less Lonely Girl.

  • I Like justin Biber a lot, i find it cool how he taught himself how to sing,dance and play instruments. I do think teenagers can love, but I’m not sure that was directed to 12 year olds, hes 15 going on 16 and I’m positive it was directed to people his age. You were young once, do you not remember feeling like shit because all your friends had a girlfriend/boyfriend and you didn’t? Or you had one but he was utter shit? He’s not saying girls NEED a boyfriend, it’s implying he was going to make her feel better, actually care for her and treat her right.

    Miley on the other hand, Can’t sing, she can’t act, she can’t dance, shes a kinder slut and needs to just Stop acting. Her career is OVER. Lady gaga and Britney spears DON’T want to be her BFF and DON’T want to be around her! its insane!! she needs to go back to nashville and stay there. Her own ‘best friend’ Mandy used her for the beach girlz, and they suck donkey dick.

  • Miley’s singing is terrible. Its just very sad, and makes me want to burn the computer. How did she even get where she is? MY GOD. Second, dont even get me started on Justin Bieber.

    • totally agree with you. He is not that bad at all. I like him, I think he is really talented he can play 4 instruments. But to tell the truth I kind of find the One Less Lonely Girl music video kinda disturbing but the song was really good.

  • Okay 1) Miley is not cute. At all. Have you actually LOOKED at her face?

    2) Miley cannot sing. Did ANY of you actually watch that video? Anybody? Where is this “talent” that everybody keeps talking about?

    3) This video almost qualifies as child pornography.

    Why does anybody like Miley Cyrus?

  • haha, ‘somewhere that isn’t america’ is actually the royal variety performance in england…quite a prestigious show to be included in i believe. i think the winner from the britain’s got talent gets to perform on it.

    love your blog :)