Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Fake Couple Jake and Reese Fake Break-Up, Jake is Fake Heartbroken

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal

Aw, well, that was a fun little game while it lasted, wasn’t it?

I am hesitant to even report on this “break-up” because I think we all knew that the whole “Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are dating” thing was a massive ruse dreamed up by some managers or PR people somewhere to give their clients a sense of normalcy in the press. I don’t know if you are all as in to the whole blind item scene as much as I am, but just in case, scroll through the archives of “Toothy Tile” on Blind Items Exposed and catch up for a second. Toothy Tile has been rumored to be Jake forever and pretty much everyone beside Jake has been eliminated by E! gossip gal Ted Casablanca at some point or another (please note how he refers to them as “cute-in-public”.)

Reese was Jake’s temporary beard, if you believe these sorts of things (and I very much do.) He’ll get set up with another KiKi Dunst or Reese just like he’s always been in a couple months and he and his boyfriend can continue to live life privately and at their own pace. However, if you buy the hot pile of crap that Us Weekly is selling this week, you’ll see that Jake’s not dealing so well with the seperation from the woman he’s probably never even seen naked:

After nearly three years together, Reese Witherspoonand Jake Gyllenhaal called it quits in early December. “It broke his heart,” an insider reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly.

A source close to Gyllenhaal, 29, explains that the once-golden couple “fought constantly in the past few months,” and that the relationship concluded over a series of phone calls.

Adds another source, “No one cheated. There was no drama.”

Here’s where I’d normally make a statement about how this probably sucks for them but it sounds like they’re handling it maturely and I hope that this doesn’t take any toll on Reese’s kids, who were supposedly close to Jake. HOWEVER! I don’t believe a word of it! Never have! They’re just two good-looking people linked up by Hollywood to have their photos taken. If you’re attractive, famous and you can stand the person you’re supposed to hang out with, you’d be stupid not to do this unless you’re George Clooney. Then you just fuck whatever walks your way, especially if it’s me that’s walking his way. Wait, what?

Point is: I’m pretty sure Jake, his boyfriend, Reese and the kids are all going to come away from this just fine and having received exactly the right amount of press to make it worth it.

68 CommentsLeave a comment

  • So, does this mean that Jen Aniston and Vince Vaughn were fake? Plus, all the other supposed rumors of her dates and boyfriends … hmm, she has not really had a serious romance with Brad. Is she still hurt over Brad, or is she gay, or is she bi? Inquiring minds want to know.

  • Why does everyone think he is gay?
    Is it just because he was in Broke Back Mountain? If that’s the only reason, that is ridiculous.

  • i don’t get it… why should someone who’s been in a movie like brokeback mountain hide the fact that he’s gay?

  • And why would Reese agree to be someones “beard”? She doesn’t seem like one who would play that game.

    • Here is why Reese would agree to be this man’s beard: Jennifer Aniston. When Brad Pitt left her, she couldn’t shake the Sad Lonely Jen stuff, and has been all over the tabloids playing that character whether she wants to or not. Reese broke off with her man, and she needed to NOT BE THAT GUY, so her people hook her up with Jake who is a nice guy, maybe already friends with her, and they start raising these kids together to keep the tabloids off her back. She’s o the news stands as HAPPY REESE AND JAKE and Jake gets to pretend he’s not Toothy Tile, which he is.

      • Plus Reese and Jake used the fauxmance to get publicity for their movie Rendition plus they share a manager – Evelyn O’Neill.

  • Molls, what happened? I liked you because you weren’t unnecessarily mean. That’s the reason I hated Wendy so much. She didn’t have to be so mean. I understand making fun of celebrities, but you don’t have to be mean. And now you’re being unnecessarily mean. Why are you so sure that Jake is gay? And I believed that Jake and Reese were really dating. I thought they were cute together.

    • just curious, why do you put so much stock into this that you take this so personally? fine, you really thought they were dating… but other people disagree, and other people speculate about jake’s sexuality… welcome to celebrity gossip.

      • Wendie, this one is for you. I’m going to get a lot of backlash for saying this, but I’ll take one for the team. You and Beet are what made the site. I can barely read Moll’s posts. I have to digest them slowly and try not to focus on the constant spelling errors in nearly every post (some readers don’t see them until after someone points them out and they’re corrected). I miss you. We miss you. Come back to us.

      • Gah! I know – when someone uses “your” instead of “you’re” I lose the whole plot and have to start over. It’s infuriating. I demand integrity, kindness and immaculate spelling in my celebrity gossip or I’m just not alright. /end sarcasm

        Wendy – that comment was HILARIOUS. :)

      • Wendie this ones for you. I hate you and I’m glad you’re gone, I was tired of hearing you complain and talk about your dumb children.

  • Who is Molls? I’ve been gone for a little while and the first post I see upon my return is this? This is the crap that Beet lets fill up her space? She should hire someone that doesn’t share their brain w/ E!’s bloggers….one with their very own thoughts.

  • I am always amazed at how many people want him to be gay to fit their own ideas. The press goes gaga over a photo of him looking “adoringly” at his buddy and ignores the 50 other shots that look like 2 guys watching a BB gang. This stuff sells. I really don’t give a damn what his sexuality is but from his interviews it seems that if he is gay he wouldn’t live his life in the closet. I just think people should remember that the gossip rags sell what people want just like every other business on the face of the planet. Blogs like this are far more about the people who write them than the people who are being written about.

  • OMG, I love you for even bringing up Toothy Tile! Ive been following it forever.

    I think Reese is mostly adorable (sans that crazy ass chin of hers) – but she does seem to be the frigid one. Brr.

  • Wow. That was the worst post I have ever read on this site. And I thought Kelly was bad for long winded righteous rants. So boring! At least Wendy was funny…

    • I miss Wendie!! I agree, she was funny…much unlike these others that Beet let write for her. I have been a fan of this site for well over a year now, and I have never seen more crappity written crap since Molls came on board. Sorry, just telling it how I see it.

  • anyone else notice the decline of the quality of both this site and zelda lily? not that celebrity gossip really has quality, haha but at least i liked the writers. now it’s just…. bitchy and catty. way to go beet…..

  • i didnt understand that post at all, even when i re-read it twice. Jake has a boyfriend? Him and reese split up or not? Confusing…

  • Wow…mean AND unnecessary. Double threat today. This is what passes for “gossip” on this site now? God, you’re awful. Reese Witherspoon is a very successful, very wealthy actress; please explain what she would gain from spending two years of her life as a gay man’s “beard.” If you’re going to insist on making crap up, at least try to involve facts in some fashion.

    • Reese didn’t fake a relationship to help Jake, she did it for herself:

      1. Reese didn’t look like a loser when Ryan left her for Abbie Cornish, she “moved on”.
      2. Reese used fauxmance to get publicity for her serious role in Rendition, they thought the movie has Oscar potential
      3. Jake and Reese have the same manager, Evelyn O’Neill, they did not meet at the Rendition movie set
      4. Reese used Jake to get tons of publicity – very important if you sell Avon perfumes and romcoms.

  • Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that “Molls” was being a bitch. Molly, give it up. It ISN’T funny. And this doesn’t even make sense. Reese Witherspoon hardly seems the type to involve her kids in a media-mindfuck just for the hell of it. Even if she didn’t have kids, she STILL doesn’t seem the type to be part of that (bullshit) Gossip Girl plotline. She is successful enough on her own. She doesn’t need a man who is less famous than she is.
    This site used to be so awesome. It has gone WAY downhill. Thank god Wendie has her own amazing site now, that isn’t filled with this garbage.

  • Lighten up people. There are still many closeted gays in Hollywood.
    It’s long been speculated Reese has had a long-term relationship with
    her business partner. Believe or don’t believe, but Molls is just
    reporting what’s pretty well taken for granted here in Los Angeles.

  • I guess it shows where we are socially that people are acting like Molls stating that Jake Gyllenhaal is gay is just oh my GOD, the MEANEST thing in the world. He’s probably gay. So the frick what? She’s talking about him being GAY, not that he’s a serial child molesting cat murderer. If he’s not gay, he probably could give two shits about anyone CALLING him gay.. considering his choice of Brokeback Mountain as a movie role. I’m pretty sure if he’s not gay (he is though. and it’s cool. he likes dudes. that’s not mean. it’s just who he is) that’s he’s totally cool with people that are.

    There are many gay actors in Hollywood who for publicity reasons have beards and lead an outwardly heterosexual lifestyle. It makes him relatable to a wider audience and able to play more roles without being pigeonholed. If you know for sure he’s gay, there’s a big possibility that you might not really buy into him in a straight romantic lead role. It’s not really that difficult of a concept. I just don’t get why it’s such an insult to you people. She wasn’t saying it to be a bitch. GAY does not equal an insult.

    • People are not freaking out about Molls saying that Jake is gay. We are saying that her whole post was ridiculous and unnecessarily snide.

  • um…this makes no sense. why would jake be afraid to come out if he wasn’t afraid to boink heath ledger on a big screen in front of millions of people? and making reese and jake maintain a fake relationship for three years seems a bit ridiculous, even for hollywood.

    • Because that was playing a part and this is his life. people aren’t necessarily going to shun him at the box office because he played a gay role once, but I’m sure there are a lot of people who would if they knew he was actually gay. If not, I’m sure there are a lot of Hollywood execs uncomfortable putting an openly gay man in leading, straight roles in romantic movies. Sad, but true.

      There’s a big difference between having people see you playing a gay part on screen for 2 hours and having them know you’re gay every time they see you in anything. He got an Oscar nomination for “playing gay” but when have we ever seen an openly gay actor get one for playing straight? rare.

  • I’ve always come Evil Beet hardly writes on this site anymore? She’s really funny, she’s the reason why I stopped reading Perez.

    • She’s getting too big to write here, it seems. Perez Hilton has ghost writers, and Beet is just being more up front about doing the same thing.

      • That’s like comparing a steaming pile of donkey shit to a day old pile of donkey shit. One of them is a little bit cooler, but they’re actually the same thing.

  • I don’t buy any of this and I agree with an earlier poster. I think, even in this day in age, it takes a fair amount of guts to be in a movie like Brokeback Mountain.

    If he wasn’t afraid of being in Brokeback then I really don’t see why he would be afraid of coming out. It would be a good move actually in order to advocate for the movie.

    And honestly who cares even if he is or not? I mean, really. He and Reese broke up but I’m not exactly DYING to get to the bottom of it…now Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise on the other hand, I mean they have fascinated me from day one. they’re the perfect example of a fake relationship.

  • The same people who claim that Jake is gay, are the same ones who say that Tom Cruise is gay..with absolutely no proof at all..And why would Reese be a beard for anyone????

  • If anyone can make heads or tails out of those blind items, then they have a lot of valuable time that could be used to better the world, instead of trying to guess who all these people are.

  • Now no covered parking lot, public john, park or OUT! in open space is safe from his dangerous, one-time-stand, “cottaging” trysts.

  • Speaking of Toothy Tile via Ted Casablanca; I think Ted is full of it sometimes. Some of his news reporting, I am sure, is the truth, but this guy makes stuff up, especially when he does not like them.

  • Plus, she ain’t getting any younger… time’s a wasting Reese – don’t throw away the good ones, they won’t be there once you grow up!

  • Some of you kids just don’t appreciate a good sarcastic post.

    This post would be welcome on any webiste that doesn’t have its head stuck in happy clappy life is peachy la la land. Well done for telling it like it is on Jake and the Beard.

    It’s about time people wised up to these stupid fauxmances. They’re costly and unnecessary.

  • Do you think Heath and Jake fell in love while filming “Broke Back Mountain” and Art imitates Life one more time, in reverse…maybe that is the real story.

  • LOL! Thank you Jana for good laugh. Don’t hold your breath tho, we have at least two years for Sauli enjoying his time with Adam lol