Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Tori Amos Will Release Holiday Album, Is Also Totally Pregnant


Tori Amos, who continues to insist that she is not pregnant despite the fact that she is obviously pregnant, will be releasing her very first holiday album this year. Says Billboard:

The holidays are shaping up to be rather bright for Tori Amos fans, as the singer-songwriter is set to release “Midwinter Graces,” her first collection of holiday music. Due November 10 on Universal Republic, the twelve song set features holiday standards such as “What Child, Nowell” and “Star of Wonder,” as well as original compositions such as “Pink and Glitter” and “Our New Year.” Amos recruited longtime collaborators Matt Chamberlain on drums, Jon Evans on bass, Mac Aladdin on guitars and arranger John Philip Shenale.

I just think this paragraph is funny, because, like, wait, isn’t “Pink and Glitter” a traditional holiday standard? I remember caroling to that song as a child. There was a line in there about dildos roasting on an open fire and Jack Nicholson nipping at your clitoris. And we’d all have to slither around the front porches and occasionally spread our legs as we sang it. It was one of my faves.

Sheesh. The full track listing is below.

“What Child, Nowell”
“Star of Wonder”
“A Silent Night With You”
“Candle: Coventry Carol”
“Holy, Ivy, and Rose”
“Harps of Gold”
“Snow Angel”
“Jeanette, Isabelle”
“Pink and Glitter”
“Winter’s Carol”
“Our New Year”

The photos here we taken at Tori’s concert in Amsterdam on September 17. I have no idea why she maintains she’s not pregnant. Maybe because she lost a baby once and she’s concerned it’s going to happen again? Or maybe in her Tori mind she’s not “pregnant,” she’s just “hosting a life form in her body.” I don’t know. Anyway, congrats on everything, Tori. I love you and I can’t wait for your holiday album.

32 CommentsLeave a comment

    • Yeah, you’re right. She should sit all fucking ladylike, huh? How dare she sit comfortably or express her sexuality? Fuck you.

    • She sits like that at least partially to facilitate moving between two instruments on either side of her and to steady herself in doing so. It’s not all just to be controversial, since she doesn’t sit like that when a song requires her to only play one instrument.

    • um, she’s not a hooker, she’s a musician, and a damn talented one at that. she always sits that way when she plays the piano because she has more than one keyboard. she moves around alot when she plays, that’s all. jeez.

      • and also, she doesn’t look preggers to me. she’s had a little tummy for a while now, the last two times she toured i noticed it.

    • I’m just joking. I get she has to do that to play, and believe me i’m not one to keep my legs crossed…it’s just an awkward photo. Since when does opening your legs express sexuality?

    • She may always seem to have her legs spread, but she is still ladylike. I cant ever recall seeing her vag in any pics…so…FU

  • Beet you may be right but I’m a guy and I know that it took me exactly two “hey, when are you expecting?” followed by a dipped in ice “I…am… not…. pregnant!” to never, ever, ever make that assumption again unless it was offered up.

    Even if they’re 8 months pregnant I just stand my ground and wait.

    But since you and Tori seem to have had this mystical bond over the years, maybe you know….

  • Um. Did you even bother READING the press release?

    It there will be some holiday standards AS WELL AS SOME ORIGINAL COMPOSITIONS.

    Take your meds, go back and read it.

    P.S. Keep your dildos and clit-munching to yourself.

    • LOL You are so fucking pathetic, it’s barely entertaining. However, being that it IS slightly amusing that you’re such a social retard, I felt the compulsion to comment on your asinine comments. CLEARLY, you stupid fuck, if you’re even vaguely familiar with Christmas “standards”, you’ll realize that the aforementioned song list above includes some songs that are CLEARLY not Christmas standards. Talk about being a redundant fucking moron. Go take about six pounds of meds and chill the fuck out you pompous prick.

      • LOLOL

        Again… let’s be CLEAR.

        The press release clearly states that she is doing a holiday album that will include BOTH

        ~ Holiday Standards
        ~Original Compositions

        Apparently You can’t read EITHER.

        Hopefully, you CAN die in a fire, though.

    • The thing about fat is that it doesn’t sit on one specific place on your body. When every part of you is skinny except for your stomach, you’re either pregnant or you have a serious medical condition that shouldn’t be ignored.

  • She didn’t lose a baby once. She lost three babies.
    If I’d lost three babies I wouldn’t admit to being pregnant until the baby was born. I wouldn’t want to answer even one more question about how I was doing, feeling, holding up, etc.

      • Scout, what is your frightening obsession with willing complete strangers who have never harmed you to “Go die in a fire”? That is so disturbing, have you heard of karma at all?

  • Well, she left Oslo wondering as well after introducing her band, touching her stomach and delivering a cryptic remark along the lines of “…and the mermade is safe in here, with her tail intact”…


    You be the judge…

  • Ha ha – totally pregnant (as opposed to a little bit pregnant, only mostly pregnant, a touch pregnant, a tiny bit pregnant).

    • Really? No one’s ever explained the birds and the bees to you? Okay, it goes a little something like this:

      Tab (A) goes into slot (B) and makes baby (C).

  • Ugh, Beet, I think Tori looks terrible lately. It scares me, this rail thin frame with a protruding abdomen? If she isn’t pregnant or if she is— is she OK? I’m worried she’s ill…

    And I’m a lifer Tori fan, but Abnormally Attracted to Sin was terrible. Sigh. It’s so weird, it’s like she was one person and now she’s an entirely different person.

  • She did lose three babies, she has a medical condition that makes it difficult for her to carry a baby to full term. It’s a protein deficiency that causes her to blood to clot, which is why she had three miscarriages, and she’s 46! There is no way she’s pregnant at 46 with her condition. and there is no way she would tour if she was pregnant considering the above point; she didn’t even travel when she was pregnant with Tash.

  • Erin: What protein deficiency does she have and how did you become aware of it? Just curious because I also have one.

  • So, what’s wrong with a woman spreading her legs like that? Yes, it is kind of sexual (and sexy), but again, what’s wrong with that? I can enjoy nice music and look at her thighs at the same time. Doubly entertaining and pleasurable. More women should sit like that.

  • Wow, how embarrased are you for – after years of fans having to hear “she’s pregnant! no she’s not” drivel year after year – for “outing” a slightly poochy belly? Ha! Or did she have the baby in secret and hide it, is that your theory?

    Seriously, Blogger Girl. People have been doing this for years. It’s time to stop.