Today's Evil Beet Gossip

CONTEST: Write Me a Single!

I totally wasn’t kidding.

I think I should record a single.

Granted, the Maloof Brothers probably won’t offer me their Vegas recording studio, but I think I can work something out. I know how to work an 8-track.

I took singing lessons as a little kid, and I was in my share of community musical theater productions. I know that doesn’t exactly make me an accomplished vocalist, but I think I can give Paris Hilton a run for her money. Hey, it’s better than releasing a fashion line through Hot Topic, right?

So I’m dead serious: write me a single, people. All the cool kids have singles these days. I need a single.

If someone submits something that doesn’t suck, I swear to you I will record it and try to get it played anywhere I can. My PR people have nothing better to do. I’ll make them spend all day every day trying to get my single on the radio.

So if you’re an aspiring songwriter with absolutely no other options, send your track to

I’m gonna be a star!!!

17 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I’m working on a religious gangster rap for you!
    Think “The Boyz in the Kotel.”
    It’s gonna be great. :-)

  • If I had any talent whatsoever I would do it, but, I don’t. I think the christian gangster rap is the way to go though. Yo, Jesus, your my homie these bitches want to bone me. See? hah I need to go back to sleep

  • @ woohoo… Evil Beet is self-proclaimed “full fledged Jew…” :-) (

    The Kotel is Jerusalem’s Western Wall… I was thinking more like:

    “Cruising with my girls by HaKotel HaMa’aravi
    Laying down the law like the Jewish Hammurabi
    Headed to the shuk to check out da shoes
    Instead I bought a purse and a bottle of booze
    Kosher? Lo tov, I bought myself a spritzer
    Then I posted pics of Eliot Spitzer…”

    That’s just a start though… Kinda slow going because I’m not Jewish… or musically inclined. Ha ha! :-) I’m sure I can work “nip slips” and Sienna Miller somehow though.

  • HAHA I forgot shes jewish, I like that better anyway. I went to catholic school but Im agnostic now so I don’t know enough about jewish practices to rap. hah your doing good=)

  • Wow, too bad I only do instrumentals, and too bad you moved out of LA, I have a home recording studio!!!!!! ; p

  • You know, that Dr. Pepper commercial from way back in the day had some good harmony. “Your a part of me, that’s the heart of me….” You should really think about incorporating those beats!!!!! :)

  • Inky pinky ponky
    daddy had a donkey
    donkey died
    daddy cried
    inky pinky ponky

    oh wait…that’s been done already.

    How about doing a DJ Shadow and amalgamating samples to make a track, except they’d be samples of things such as Leo barking, the blender, the TV, your mom on the phone? You could call it avant guarde musique!

  • > daddy had a donkey, donkey died

    It started off okay but the last line made me cry.