Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The Guy May Hate His Daughter… but He Loves Sea Cows!!

Alec Baldwin wants to save you, provided you’re a manatee.

Honestly this is a huge cheapshot… but what the hell, I haven’t written for the Beet in weeks and I know everyone misses my particular brand of spite. How do I know? Letters… telegrams.. and that one airplane skywriting message that truly went above and beyond.

ENGLEWOOD, Fla. (AP) — Alec Baldwin wants Floridians to be more aware of the plight of manatees. The actor and producer has recorded two 30-second public service announcements for the Save the Manatee Club. The animals are on the federal endangered species list and at risk of being seriously injured or killed by boat strikes.

I really don’t have a joke other than to say that Manatees have done their level best, via evolution, to go extinct. They swim around two miles per hour, on the surface of the water, and they weigh a jillion pounds each. So motor boats pick them off like deer on a highway. Also, they are also called “sea cows” – I think, so this is totally not a jab at the Manatee by this guy. If it were up to me I’d ban motor boats and the beer guzzling yahoos that pilot them.

It’s actually all kind of sad, and I imagine if the manatee were cuter it would get starlets excited about saving it. As it stands it only gets a gravelly voice guy who occasionally loses his temper on the phone.

6 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I so want one. I think they are terribly cute. Fatty rolling in the water all in its own little world. I still have dreams that I adopted a manatee and kept it in the bath tub until it grew to big and I had to build it a pool. I love them!!!!!!!

  • I’m just glad this clown is trying to do something positive. These are some of the most gentle cretures on earth. He called his own daughter a “pig” so the manatees better watch out. He looks like he would beat their asses too. “DIDJA POOP IN THE WATER? I’LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, YA PIG!”

  • Manatees r wiked! I learned bout dem on da TV how did every 1 else? Der such odd creatures but so magestic an cool SAVE THE MANETEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • I think I might be a manatee, I am so fat and so slow and would do well to just wallow around in water all day!! how do I get help to transform into one (If I havent already) ?