Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Why Is Kelly Clarkson So Mad?


A wonderful little news bite from AP has just come down the pike regarding our gal pal Kelly Clarkson. Let’s break this thing down because you’re going to dig it, I promise.

NEW YORK (AP) — Kelly Clarkson, who rails against a former flame in her new song “Never Again,” says she’s never been in love.

Fair enough. I guess. No, wait a sec here, she’s 25 right? Hmmm. Something seems off. I mean, did she go to high school? Shouldn’t she have exchanged cheesy poems or furtive probing glances in AP U.S. History with someone? Perhaps I’m giving away too much of my youth here so let’s just move on.

“I love my friends and family,” the Grammy-winning singer and original “American Idol” tells Elle magazine in its July issue. “But I have never said the words ‘I love you’ to anyone in a romantic relationship. Ever.”

Yowsers. Is she a machine? Is she a cyborg? I mean, later, after the relationship is all over because he/she was caught with your best friend/ brother in the bathroom/porn studio that’s when you question whether or not you were ever actually in love. But when you’re in the relationship you’ve got to throw out an L bomb every once in awhile, right? Am I crazy here? And where do you get off writing about anything if you ain’t never been in love? It’s the damn focal point of all art the whole world ’round! Whew. I don’t know why I’m shouting. Sorry. I’ll simmer.

More after the break!

Clarkson, 25, doesn’t take romance lightly. “I am very old-school, conservative in my thinking when it comes to relationships,” she says.

Not to split hairs here but waiting this long to fall in love is not “old school.” Kids were routinely getting married in their teens only 100 years ago. And don’t give me the old “but they weren’t in love, their parents made them do it” nonsense. They loved each other because having kids means you’re in love. My pastor told me so. She continues:

“My point of view is that I shouldn’t be a mother at all, because I’d be horrible,” she says. “I’m not willing to be that selfless.”

Admirable. Too many people rush into parenthood that aren’t ready. Point goes to Kelly “the unfeeling” Clarkson!

“I’ve sold more than 15 million records worldwide, and still nobody listens to what I have to say. Because I’m 25 and a woman.”

What? I’m listening to what you have to say. Hell, I’ve spent the last half an hour pondering how to make fun of it. We all listen, it’s just that occasionally you say silly things. Don’t sweat it sister, that makes you human. It means you have a heart. It means you’re capable of lo… oh wait. Strike that last part.

“I am a good singer, so I can’t possibly be a good writer,” she continues. “Women can’t possibly be good at two things.”

Kelly said this sarcastically but it’s still frighteningly stupid. Please examine the following list:

Tori Amos
Aimee Mann
Carole King
Kate Bush
EmmyLou Harris
Fiona Apple
Joni Mitchell
Carly Simon

And these are just off the top of my fucking head. These women are all singer/songwriters and no one ever said they couldn’t do both. Making a statement like Kelly did is just made up criticism, like me saying “Everyone says you can’t be hot and a blogger too!” That’s fool talk. Beet and T are hot and they write. Recognize that my friends. Respect.

So let’s talk about what’s really going on with Kelly here, why she’s so damn angry at the world. Either

a) She’s been in love, gotten screwed over, and turned into a pathological liar


b) She’s never been in love, is incapable, and has turned into someone who says “You looking at me? You LOOKING AT ME????”

Whatever the case is I’m hoping she calls. Who doesn’t need a project?

11 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I have been re-experiencing my Kate Bush phase lately. I love her.

    And thanks for saying I’m hot. ;)

  • Kelly Clarkson just talks way too DAMN much. She’s an idiot. I posted her entire interview on my site last Friday because it was so interesting.

    I think she’s a closet lesbian. And furthermore never saying ‘I love you’ is sad. Plus the bitch proclaimed she doesn’t have any tits, really Kelly. I thought you were a double D?!

    * Beet is hawt. :)

    My post: Kelly’s dumb

  • Hear, hear, lolly. Quality writing. I would, however, like to point out to SL that you don’t have to be a cyborg to be careful about tossing around the L-bombs willy-nilly; it’s entirely possible she’s spent her romantic life in the company of people she enjoys and cares for without undergoing the whole harps-and-angels experience. Most of the time, even great people are just great people. And I certainly don’t think this means she’s out of line writing about anything. There are nine muses for a reason, brother. Frankly, it’s refreshing that there’s at least one (ostensibly) heterosexual woman out there for whom the L-word (no, not that one) has some gravity.

  • Quality writing, indeed. :) I sure do know how to pick ’em.

    And, Babs, I’m surprised you offered no confirmation as to my hotness. I recall you dropping the L-bomb once upon a time, somewhere around the same time you were so drunk you broke my lamp and passed out in my bathroom. But you said it nonetheless.

  • Whoa, whoa, whoa. Getting a little personal, aren’t we? At the risk of elongating this cringe-worthy conversation: (a) I never said I hadn’t tossed out an ill-advised L-bomb or two; I just voiced my appreciation for a young lady who claims to have been more careful, (b) to give fair context, the “once upon a time” in question happens to have been the night of my 21st birthday, and (c) I don’t confirm anything gratis these days.

  • I have my suspicions that she may be a lesbutant as well.
    I think Justin Guarini may have had something to do with it. :)

  • SD – wow, that nine muses feint was a beautiful thing.. I stand somewhat shamed. Perhaps Hallmark got to me.

    However, it’s in my nature to mount a defense so let me just say this: At 25 you need to have had harps and angels at least once. I’m not saying anyone really knows what they are doing, and I’m not saying some people aren’t monsters who can’t feel love – I’m just saying the words should escape your lips at some point. Otherwise you’re just spinning on this puppy for no good reason. Being that controlled isn’t a gift, it’s an anchor.

    Now, if you don’t mind me I’m off to go worship at the altar of Thalia.

  • What’s wrong with being 25 and never in love? At least she’s not saying she’s falling in love with a different guy each week like a ton of the other celebs. I myself am turning 21 in a month and I’ve never been in love. It takes a lot for me to love someone, they aren’t words that I will just throw around. Some people can love (or at least say they do) quickly. One of my friends will decide she loves someone in only a few weeks. I think that is ridiculous, but hey if that is what you do then fine. Some people just go about loving others in a different way and take time to fall in love. It will happen for her eventually I hope, she just has to find the right guy. Me too, damnit!

  • Well, in light of it all, it’s like they say though – better to have love and lost. I have only truly been in love twice, and unfortunately, my wife isn’t one of them. However, despite it all, I do love my wife a lot.

    In Kelly’s case, as much as I have a deep fondness of her. Well, she’s definitely “special”… Personally, I think she just really needs to be laid. Of course, I’ll envy that guy who gets to lay her, hah hah. Yet, I think that is just it – she needs a good lay to “lay things right”.

    Kelly a lesbian…hmmm, that would only be my wet dream! I would love to see that action!

    At any rate, I am sure when she’s ready, you know – 50, old and decrepid and a has been that no one wants, she’ll find someone she went to school with to settle down with and be content, or, live her life as a cat lady.

  • LESBUTANT Coming thru out of the way please . My I introduce you to Miss Kelly Clarkson… This is what I see… Maybe she should just open up and well be heard for what she is. To never have said I love you so a person of her choice IS sad and she should just be herself and be heard.