Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Let’s Take a Closer Look at This Hilton Petition

I just want to take some time to dissect this piece of genius bit by bit.

The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

Yes, that’s exactly what Paris Hilton is: the universe’s carrier pigeon of hope. Are you sure you don’t mean herpes?

Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic “House of Wax”. In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer.

As a writer? Are you referring to the images of her diaries that hit the Internet? Because I know you’re not talking about that piece of tripe she threw her name on without ever having even read it, probably.

As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007.

Hey, genius, she was not just charged with a DUI. She was charged with a probation violation after driving on a suspended license after the DUI.

We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn’t go to jail, either.

I think “We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges” is my favorite part of this whole thing. I’m with you, dude. I think it’s pretty bad when someone gets trashed and gets behind the wheel, endangering the lives of myself and my loved ones on the road. But I’m even less supportive of consequently charging them with a crime.

As depicted on Friday night’s episode “Nancy Grace” on Headline News (May 4, 2007), countless celebrities have been “slapped on the wrist” for similar incidents recently. Nick Nolte, Mel Gibson, Tracy Morgan, Wynonna Judd, to name a few, were arrested and never did a day in jail after their initial arrests for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges. Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the same charges as Ms. Hilton just this past week. Brandy’s California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulting in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and A WOMAN HAS BEEN KILLED most likely due to her reckless driving!
Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time.

PARIS IS NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR A DUI. PARIS IS GOING TO JAIL FOR PROBATION VIOLATION. I don’t think even Paris fully understands this. That is so sad.

This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn’t hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday.She is distraught and understandably afraid.

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT to save our Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility! Please sign to tell The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of the State of California, to think about the welfare of this young woman who has made a mortal error and deserves a second chance like so many others in our great nation have been served with after a mistake they have made . If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.

Oh. My. God. Read that again. Paris Hilton’s probation violation was just compared, in earnest, to Watergate.

Anyway, Paris supports this petition whole-heartedly, encouraging friends on her MySpace page to “please help and sihn [sic] it.”

So sihn it, guys. Paris Hilton is pillar of hope for our generation. If someone that fucking stupid can be that fucking rich, anything is possible in this world.

18 CommentsLeave a comment

  • This almost seems like a joke doesn’t it? Like I would write this in full-on sarcastic mode just to give my friends a giggle.

    Are these people for real? A pardon? For screwing up like five times in a row?

  • shes no better than anyone else…….. I have nothing against her, but I think a lesson will be learned if she does the time.,,…… look @ martha stewart….. lol its not gonna be that bad for her…… do the time, and be a woman about it

  • what a waterhead!!! makes my rain gauge blush!!! put up, shut up!
    I hope she sees I said “put up, she has enough video footage already! Excuse me, while I join my family in a moment of silence for this incredibly unfair hardship she’s going through. Everyone I know does the time, if they do the crime!!!

  • are you effin kiddin me? she needs to suck it up! is this letter some kind of joke? like this dumb bitch is some “pillar of the community” she hasnt done anything for anybody but herself, and as far as being a role model, you gotta be shittin’ me! she needs to be taught a lesson, fame and fortune does not exclude you from having to follow the laws of society, if anthing people in the media spotlight that have the kind of influence over others (especially children) and young adults need to be held to a higher example, what kind of message are we sending to young americans if the courts let her buy her way out of justice?

  • people are saying that paris hilton is being used as an explample
    she got arrested for probabtion violations, if were anyone else that wasnt rich they would have been doing alot more than 25 days. i think she thinks because shes rich the law doesnt matter to her. if she gets off shes probably just laugh if off. what will it take for her to understand that she already got two chances to kill someone before she gets punshied. ive had friends die because of drunk drivie cant she afford a driver or showfer so she doesnt kill someone next time. i think that her stutus of being rich and famous is going to get is going to get her out of trouble and that shouldnt matter when it comes to the law. u do the crime you do the time, whats so special about her. shes lives the good life now let her see what life is really about that real people go through and do her time like everyone else……p.s shes certainly not a good influence on children eighter at all face it paris money cant buy you everything in this world… stop drinking and driving before its to late.

  • I currently have to go to court mandated classes because i recieved three mips in a year. if i decided to not go to the classes (or in paris’s case, violate my stupid probation thingy) I would be charged with contempt of court and sentenced to 10 days jail time. there’s a good chance the governer of my state wouldn’t make an exception for me even tho i’m a wonderful person at heart. i wouldn’t want to do time either, but if the law says 45 days in jail she should do it. hey u never know, it might even be a good lesson for her to find out what normal people have to go through when they break the law.

  • You have got to be kidding me. I read all the articles, and the appeal, and let me just say, That had to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. I bet you anything Paris was the one who originally wrote the appeal, slapped some fake name on it and got people to sign it. I don’t believe she is a pillar of hope for this world. If that were the case, then why doesn’t she do something better with her money than buy a new car every month and wreck it? If you want to be a pillar of hope for the community, why don’t you show that anyone can live their dream, become a somebody (like a teacher, doctor, police officer etc) instead of a spoiled, snotty little heiress? I don’t think people in other countries look at Paris and say “I want our little girls to grow up and be like her”, instead they are using her as an example of what NOT to become. I will lose respect for the Govenor of CA if he appeals it. So far, I believe Paris has been given light sentences for everything she’s done. She couldn’t obey the law, and therefore, she should be punished like any other normal human being would in her case (actually I think any normal human being would’ve learned the first 10 times they made the same repeated mistake). I agree, no one is perfect, but that’s no excuse for breaking the law. Sure, she didn’t “hurt anyone”, but what does that matter? Is it excusable to be punished for breaking one law but not another? People don’t understand…it’s not WHAT you did, but the fact you did it. Get over it Paris. She has enough legal advice, family lawyer, etc. I’m sure if she didn’t understand her ruling in the past, she could’ve easily asked someone. (I don’t believe she didn’t understand…just another lie from another publicity craved limelight demanding celebrity). I’ve done my rants for the day. And why I work with celebrities, I’ll never know. Maybe to remind me I’m human and in the end, we all get what we deserve.

  • OMG! To the people who actually feel as if they share some kind of bond with people like this self-important, clueless, spoiled, complete waste-of-space, “Paris”, who wouldn’t stop to piss on you if you were on fire! Get real. Find someone who makes the world better by being here. Perhaps you could start to look to the people around you, and not the media? Yes, we’re all so jealous of celebraties! Especially the one’s who do so much because they have so much. I really hope that our children and young adults model their every step after people like Paris! What a society of fools we’ve become if we can’t see how much people like paris actually do to enrich our lives! I know I feel foolish! How dumb to think that there could possibly be any heroes among the men and women, working everyday, in a job which doesn’t pay enough, facing each day with dignity, love, happiness, and a willingness to help others. What idiots these people are! Don’t they know their time could be better spent with at least a little bit of me, me, and more me? I bet if someone would explain to Paris what the word tragedy means, and then explain to her that there really are places and people who experience such things, she would certainly do something to help out. And what an impact she could have on so many people in a hopeless situation. Just imagine that massive storms had destroyed all you had in the world, and people you knew and saw everyday, were suddenly killed. But wait, up in the sky, is that a plane? Things are being dropped from the plane. Is it water, food, clothing, medical supplies? Oh thank the heavens, it’s 8x 10’s of Paris and her dog!!!
    Aren’t we all so lucky to have such true heroes living in our time???
    Money doesn’t change a turd into a rose!!

  • I am so glad that the majority of the people see that these people we put on a pedestal are just that, people. We should make more use of our time and put our focus on those that make a differance in the world. What do people like this REALLY do for us? Is it money? Do we envy the money they have? Are we glad when we see people of this stature fall? What examples do we want our children to see even our examples as parents? Do we want them to see that if we have money even power in this world we can do as we please, perhaps even murder? We should cover our eyes and the eyes of our children from these kinds of things because it just clouds our vision of what truth is all about. ” What profit is it of a man to gain the whole world and loses his soul.” It is confirmation that the world is returning to the days of Noah and judgement will fall on us if we don’t turn from this kind of thinking. Hopefully Paris will become a better person out of this. But who among us has not made mistakes? Should it be public? How would WE feel if our mistakes made the front page. ” Those who are without sin (or mistakes) cast the first stone”. Lets stop putting these people we see on TV and movies that are just like you and me on some kind of IDOL list and focus on what really matters.

  • What I want to know is where is the petition to have her jail time increased? That’s one I would sign or “sihn” in the Paris Hilton universe.

  • I am currently going through the same thing! I violated probation and they are giving me 30 days in jail, if the pardon Paris for this I will begin to write letters to every govenor, senate, legislate. Paris is no better than anyone else! She had her 2nd chance! She Violated it! Therefore she must pay the consequences.

  • When millions of people are obviously buying trash tabloids which help create these herds of Einsteins, what do we expect? So many of these young people who are in music, movies, papparazi fodder, are lavished beyond imagination, and told by everyone around them how great they are. And seemingly, in the emotionally retarded stage they are stuck in, these I.Q. giants belive it. So of course it’s understandable that they struggle through 2 hours of a 30 day rehab, and then run, and we feel their pain! I know that if the shit ever really hit the fan, and through natural disaster or war, we all found ourselves back to simply trying to survive day to day, I want someone like Paris in my group! That is if Britney or Ashley weren’t available! I know this sounds shitty, but like millions of people, i just got home from work, tired, fairly broke, very grateful to have my family, and a small home to come to. So, I guess that’s what this kind of nonsense does to most people, it just pisses them off! For someone to have so many opportunities bestowed upon them, and be so frickin lame, it’s hard to imagine that depth of selfishness and conceit! Are we jealous of someone like her? Hell no! Wishful perhaps for all her wasted opportunities to be given to someone else. Imagine the lives you could touch and change? Even though the sixties had many unforeseen negative effects down the road, it still had some of the best mindsets in history. Jump from 1967 & the summer of love and peace, to 2007 and the summer of Paris crying for attention! Excuse me, time to go puke now!!!

  • Is it wrong to wish her to get buttf*#ked by a grizzly bear? Or is that cruelty to animals?

  • Captains log stardate whatever Final entry: As much as I’d like to avoid sarcasm when referring to Paris hilton, it’s impossible. I don’t even think that she could be used as parody. How can you parody someone who is more of a parody to themselves, every time they open their mouth? She is undeniably the champion of dumbasses. The only way she could possibly lose her title as reigning queen of idiocy, is for some other dumbass to step forward and want to claim ownership of the phrase, “that’s cool.” Who knows, maybe it’ll be our beloved Paris who will go for that one next!