Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I Seriously Thought Ashton Kutcher Was Surrendering his Twitter. I Was Wrong.

photo of twitter ashton kutcher with a cow in the country pics
See that photo? That was posted on Ashton‘s Twitter page, complete with the caption “Country Giving,” whatever the hell that means. What’s he giving? Is he secluding himself in the sticks and giving up cheap, sell-out vadge for the upcoming Lenten season? Is he giving the cow in the background a rectal? Is he giving himself time to grow out that stupid, pube-looking beard?

What the hell, Ashton?

Courtney Stodden Talks About her Grandpa Husband and Other Important Things Like Mochas

Aw, now, isn’t that sweet? The life of a princess. Sleeping ’til noon, sexy outfits, hair and makeup done like what, mochas? She’s totally industrious, too, with that whole making-her-own-coffee thing. That’s pretty impressive. I have a damn hard time foaming my own milk, but Courtney here has apparently got the gig down pat. I see I have some stuff to catch up on, criminy.

Oh, also, I apologize profusely for the “two Courtney Stodden posts in one day” thing. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself, and folks, this is one of them. I simply couldn’t deprive you of the goodness and entertainment that is girlfriend’s whole-body facial tic.

Jessica Simpson is Sweating Like a Pig

photo of jessica simpson pregnant pictures photos
To look at her, though, you for sure wouldn’t think so. Jess says to People:

“People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death. I think they just tell pregnant women they’re glowing to make them feel good about themselves, because everything makes them a little bit emotional.”

I hear you, girlfriend, but I don’t think you should be worrying – you’re gorgeous. Also, your baby bump is very apparently real, and it doesn’t fold up when you do simple, everyday things like walking around. I’m also glad that you’re not strangling the poor kid to death, wearing tight-ass clothing and trying to look as non-pregnant as possible. Bonus points for you there, girl. Your willingness to carry a fetus and experience all that goes with it might be the most refreshing part of this whole entire thing, you know?

Some Photos of Anne Hathaway’s Engagement Ring!

photo of anne hathaway engagement ring pictures photos
Woo! Don’t you bet she’s just so excited? What, with that loser extortionist ex-fiance of hers being all locked up in jail for the rest of his life or something (I mean, wasn’t he stealing from the Vatican? How does one even pull that off?). She’s got to be completely thrilled that more options have opened up to her, and really, why not? Why not Anne? She’s as good as six Kardashians put together, and look how excited everyone got when Kim recycled her self-bought “engagement ring” from Reggie Bush! I don’t know about you guys, but Anne’s had a big, big year – and I think she’s got this whole A-list thing on lockdown.

Congrats, girl!

Oh Good, Kourtney Kardashian is Pregnant Again

photo of pregnant kourtney kardashian pictures photos 2011 pics
Sit back, swallow that, and tell me this isn’t some kind of warped damage control.

According to Us Weekly:

Get ready for one more member of the extended Kardashian family to keep up with! Kourtney Kardashian and beau Scott Disick are expecting their second child together, they tell the new Us Weekly in an exclusive cover story.

The E! reality star, 32, took a pregnancy test about five weeks ago — and woke up Disick, 28 (not a morning person!), around 7.a.m. to tell him the positive results.

“Now I’m nine weeks along,” Kardashian tells Us. “You’re supposed to wait 12 weeks to tell people, but I feel confident.”

The son or daughter-to-be will be the second child for the couple of five years, whose son Mason, nearly 2, was a bit of a surprise.

Not so much for baby number two, the happy couple tells Us.

“It wasn’t like we weren’t trying,” Disick, 28, says. “We kind of just said, ‘If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.’”

Oh boy. Let’s just hope that Kourtney doesn’t put on more than six pounds during her pregnancy, or it might make Scott Disick relapse again. Good luck … to the poor kid.

Quotables: Daniel Craig REALLY Doesn’t Like the Kardashians

Photo: Daniel Craig at the UK premiere of Tintin

“Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f—king idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?’ …I’m not judging it. Well, I am, obviously.”

Daniel Craig explains that he is a very private person in the January issue of British GQ. He might even dislike the Kardashians more than Michael Bublé does!

Daniel Craig goes on to describe his marriage which is, of course, shrouded in total secrecy. I could almost applaud Daniel Craig’s wooing and wedding of Rachel Weisz in near-clandestineness, except that A) I have been in shouting-from-the-rooftops love before, which kind of defies the principle of the whole “privacy” thing, but B) I also think secret marriages are kind of weird. (Then again, maybe Craig and Weisz have really overbearing mothers. In that case, I can dig it. To Vegas!)

But Craig isn’t finished:

“I think there’s a lot to be said for keeping your own counsel. …It’s not about being afraid to be public with your emotions or about who you are and what you stand for. But if you sell it off it’s gone. You can’t buy it back—you can’t buy your privacy back. ‘Ooh I want to be alone.’ F—k you! We’ve been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta and now you want some privacy?”

Now that I’ve witnessed Daniel Craig going apeballs with righteous indignation over the Kardashian family, I can absolutely see why Rachel Weisz is in love with him. There is nothing more charming (to some of us, anyway) than a smart little man completely losing his mind over traffic jams, bad manners, and reality TV. Ah! I love it.

Rumor: Detective Stabler to Join Cast of ‘True Blood’?

Photo: Christopher Meloni at the Radio City Christmas SPECTACULAR!!!!!!!

I’ve never quite gotten “into” True Blood—although I am pretty sure I can name the television show’s creator and stars offhand. But! If producers have their way, that might be about to change! (The part about actually watching True Blood, I mean.)

The-powers-that-be are apparently rallying hard to add Christopher Meloni to the HBO vampire drama’s cast. MY HEAD JUST BLEW UP. Can you even imagine? “Count Stabler”—that has such a nice ring to it.

Ooh! What if…

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