Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Quotables: Christina Hendricks Was an Awkward Teenager

Photo: Christina Hendricks yearbook photo

I was a bit of a goth with purple hair and I was also part of the drama group, so my friends and I were all weird theatre people and everyone just hated us. There was a long corridor with lockers on either side and kids would sit on top of them and spit on you. It was like something out of Lord of the Flies.

Christina Hendricks talks to The Mirror about feeling “ugly, awkward, and horrible” after moving to Virginia from Idaho.

And then there’s this part, with which I super duper identify:

A natural blonde, she began dying her hair red aged 10—to be like the heroine of children’s book Anne of Green Gables.

Now, in a twist of dramatic irony—and I would be remiss if I did not point this out—in the book, Anne actually tries to bleach her red hair blonde. (She ends up with green hair instead.)

Hendricks goes on to say:

I was a goth kid. I dyed my hair about 42 different colors, shaved it at the back and wore black make-up. Kids can be pretty judgmental about people who are different.

But instead of breaking down and conforming, I stood firm. That is also probably why I was unhappy.

Dude, this makes total sense to me, though. Like, of course Christina Hendricks was a theater nerd. Her husband, Geoffrey Arend (whom I adore) probably reminds her of some long-lost teenaged nice-guy nerd crush.

Finally,

If I could go back and tell my 14-year-old self anything it would be, ‘Don’t worry. You’re going to be doing exactly what you want to be doing and those people who are a—holes now are still going to be a—holes in 20 years. So let it go!’”

Watch This: Granny Wants to Dance With Somebody, She Wants to Feel the Heat With Somebody

I’m so not going to lie: I cried through the first minute of this video, because this was my favorite song when I was four. Just ask my mom. She’ll tell you how I used to spin around the room, all ungainly and non-rhythmic, bumping into the walls – much like the granny in this video. Funny thing is that I love this song just as much as I did twenty-five years ago and I’m just as ungainly and non-rhythmic as I was back then, too. It’s good to know that, while some things are constantly changing, some things just … don’t.

You guys better enjoy all two minutes and ten seconds of this, because it’s fabulous, and granny’s heartfelt words about Whitney‘s performances are spot-on.

Quotables: Kevin Costner’s Sad Whitney Houston Eulogy

photo of kevin costner whitney houston eulogy pictures photos funeral pic
“I would like to thank Cissy and Dionne for the honour of being here. Everyone treating my wife and I so gracefully. The song ‘I Will Always Love You’ almost wasn’t. She was meant to sing ‘What Becomes of the Broken Hearted’. So what becomes our broken hearts. For a moment we should dry our tears, suspend our sorrow and anger. Never forget that Cissy and Bobbi Kristina are sitting among us. Your mother and I had a lot in common [he said to Bobbi Kristina]. He’s a boy, she’s a girl. I’m white, she’s black. You’d think we had nothing in common but we did. We both grew up in a Baptist church. My grandmother led the choir and played the piano. I can see her as a skinny girl running around this place, using her smile to get out of trouble and Cissy having enough of it. As I’m sure of Whitney’s place in musical history. I’m also sure of how she felt about her mother. ‘Was I good enough. Could I have done better. Did they really like me or were they just being polite because they’re scared of you Cissy?’

[As for The Bodyguard] , Whitney was nervous and scared that she wasn’t good enough for the role. But I told her I would be with her every step of the way. I wanted to tell her that the fame was rigged. That I didn’t care how the test went, that she could fall down and start speaking in tongues. That somehow it was a kind of acting method. The Whitney I knew despite her worldwide fame always worried. ‘Am I good enough. Am I pretty enough. Will they like me’. The part that made her great and the part that made her great was also the part that made her stumble. A lot of men could have played my role. But you, Whitney, were the only person who could have played Rachel Marron. People didn’t just like you, Whitney. They loved you. I was your pretend bodyguard once. And now you’re gone too soon. What you did was the rarest of achievements. You set the bar so high that your colleagues don’t even sing that little country song. What’s the point.

I think Whitney would tell you, little girls wanting to become singers: guard your bodies and guard the precious miracle you have.’ Off you go Whitney, off you go. Escorted by an army of angels to your heavenly father. When you sing before him, don’t you worry. You will be good enough.”

Jeez. Talk about rip my heart out and shove it to me over a table full of sad things. And what’s equally sad is that this is probably the first and only post on Evil Beet that’s ever been categorized in both Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston. Maybe if things didn’t turn out the way they did with Whitney and her drug issues, this mutual categorization could have been better used for something like, I don’t know, a Bodyguard reunion or something.

Hey. A lady who was a little girl in the eighties and nineties can dream, can’t she?

You can check out the full speech below.

Love It or Leave It: Zooey Deschanel’s Plaid Mess

photo of zooey deschanel pictures writers guild awards pics photos
Don’t get me wrong – I love Zooey, and it’s not because some of you think I have to love her, being that I write for her website, Hello Giggles, as well, you’re wrong. I adore Zooey because I think she’s cute and quirky and relatable, and I think there are two groups of people when it comes to loving Zooey – those who do, and those who, well … don’t. I’m among the ones who do, but this dress? Oh dear Lord. Don’t even get me started.

See, I’m a big fan of plaid, despite the fact that everyone in my inner circle of family and friends absolutely abhor it. I like plaid shirts, plaid shorts, plaid skirts … plaid pajama pants, plaid socks, plaid panties … whatever. I love plaid and I’m unashamed to admit it. But this particular plaid? In this particular form? Is bad. Bad, bad, bad. It reminds me of a lightweight spring nightie, and while that’d normally be OK, it’s definitely not something you wear to an awards ceremony. Or at least, I wouldn’t, despite my love of plaid. Girlfriend’s hair and makeup are, as always, on par, but this dress is better left to those who’d wear it to bed instead. You know. Someone like me.

Hook a sister up, Zooey, and send me your cast-offs. I promise not to get egg yolk on it whilst eating breakfast in bed.

Morning Wood

photo of kobe bryant pictures photos pics
More on Adele‘s “sex tape.” [The Superficial]

Kate Bosworth‘s nude Twitter photo. [Lainey Gossip]

Kobe promises to never cheat on Vanessa again, OK? [Bossip]

Rihanna plans to ‘Shock the World’ with Chris Brown. [Starpulse]

Rooney Mara and Emma Stone? [theBERRY]

Kate Moss is recovering from temporary paralysis. [Cele|bitchy]

Miley drives with her fly unbuttoned. [The Superficial]

Kim Kardashian‘s ass got bigger somehow. [Amy Grindhouse]

16 Celebrities photobombing other celebrities. [The Frisky]

How Bobbi Kristina is holding up. [Socialite Life]

Kristin Cavallari’s baby bump is showing. [ICYDK]

Cash Warren‘s bright pink nail polish. [Celebslam]

Whitney Houston‘s funeral videos. [Hollywood Dame]

Whitney predicted her own death. [IDLYITW]

Nicki Minaj needs her teeth cleaned. [The Blemish]

By The Way, Chris Brown Still Has That Girlfriend

A photo of Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran

Do you remember this girl? Last year, way back in March, we told you guys about Karrueche Tran, the lucky woman who got to call Chris Brown her very own. And now, almost a year later, those two kids are still together.

Does that surprise any of you? Because I’m a little surprised. Mostly because we’ve spent the past year hearing all about the supposed reconciliation between Chris and Rihanna. They’ve definitely been talking, and not too long ago Chris went to Rihanna’s birthday party, and he’s even recording a song with her. And really, I’m not one of those crazy jealous girls, but if my boyfriend was this involved with his ex, not to mention picking up girls with horrible lines, I don’t know if I’d be that cool with it.

Chris Brown’s girlfriend, though? Way more chill. She’s totally “whatever” about it all:

Lost in all the Chris Brown/Rihanna possible reunion madness is the fact that CB has a serious girlfriend — and sources close to her tell TMZ the two of them are doing quite well in their relationship …. thank you very much!

Sources close to Karrueche Tran tell TMZ she is unfazed by the recent rash of RiRi rumors. In fact, we’re told CB and KT are now actually living together.

As for CB showing up to Rihanna’s birthday party, we’re told that didn’t bother Karrueche either … because he came home to her that night and whisked her to Miami the next day to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

According to our sources, Chris professes his love to Karrueche daily and he has no plans to leave her for Rihanna.

Almost makes you say, “Awwww” … until you remember …

Now, not that any of us would ever date Chris Brown (right? Please?), but would this sort of thing fly with you? If your fella was reportedly all over his ex and then came home and was all “no, baby, shhh, it’s nothing,” and then took you to Miami, would that be ok? Because I think I’d be like “Chris, you need to check yourself because you’re real close to wrecking yourself. And also, we’re over, because I can’t even tolerate this momentary imaginary relationship with you. I hate your stupid tattoos and I hope you crash your stupid jet ski next time.” Right?

There’s No Hope of Reconciliation for Heidi and Seal

A photo of Heidi Klum and Seal

Move along, friends! Nothing to see here! Nope, nothing much happening at all, I just lost every piece of faith I ever had in anything, no big deal! Really, it’s fine, haven’t you ever seen a girl who just had everything she ever believed in proven wrong?

From People:

Multiple sources tell PEOPLE that although the couple originally hoped to reconcile, a reunion might not be in their future after all.

“They had both been wearing their wedding rings and had mutually thought they might be able to work it out,” one source says. “But it doesn’t look like it’s going that way.”

In fact, less than a month after the couple confirmed they were separatingafter nearly seven years of marriage, Seal was spotted sans wedding ringe arlier this week in Australia – a contrast from his earlier sentiment that he had “no intention of taking [his ring] off anytime soon.” Klum has been spotted out without her ring as well.

The couple also spent Valentine’s Day in different countries, as Seal worked on The Voice in Australia. Klum, 38, kept close company with her friends in Los Angeles at the Soho House.

Earlier in the month, it was business as usual for the supermodel mom and their brood: Leni, 7, Henry, 6, Johan, 5, and Lou, 2.

Between karate and ballet classes, “Heidi was in a good mood,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She seemed happy to be back to her regular Saturday routine with her kids.”

Although Seal returned to the States to see his children before he jetted Down Under, he did not spend much time with Klum, the source adds.

“They have had very little contact and Heidi wants to keep it this way,” the source says. “She feels less stressed out now and feels it’s best to be away from Seal, so she doesn’t get confused about her feelings.”

The source adds: “She is moving forward with the divorce.”

This news made me so sad that I actually almost put a frowny face in the headline. In case you don’t understand what I’m saying, a frowny face always denotes unspeakable tragedy and sorrow. And that’s precisely what the divorce of Heidi Klum and Seal is, and it’s not in me anymore to pretend that things are going to be all right. Because sometimes things aren’t all right. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes true love dies. Sometimes someone goes out for cocktails in her pajamas at 10:00 in the morning because sometimes everything is awful and horrible and wrong in the entire world.

But how are you guys holding up through all this?