Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Viral Video: Alicia Silverstone Chews Up Kid’s Food, Regurgitates It Into Its Mouth

OK, this shit is nasty. For the last g-ddamned time, we are not animals, we should not eat each other, and we should definitely not chew our cud and feed our kids like f-cking birds. Or cows. Because? All together now: WE ARE NOT F-CKING ANIMALS.

Alicia Silverstone is under fire for posting this video of her, obviously, chewing up her food and spitting it into her son’s mouth. Doctors have immediately responded, saying that she’s gross and f-cked in the head and people should never, ever feed another person from their mouths:

Dr. Jennifer Landa, M.D Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD, told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column, “There are those who think that a mom chewing a baby’s food provides helpful enzymes from her mouth but it doesn’t seem like a hygienic practice. Various viruses and bacteria, but especially herpes virus, may be passed from mother to baby.”

Alicia had this to say, as if this business is normal in most worlds:

“I just had a delicious breakfast of miso soup, collards and radish steamed and drizzled with flax oil, cast iron mochi with nori wrapped outside, and some grated daikon. Yum! I fed Bear the mochi and a tiny bit of veggies from the soup…from my mouth to his. It’s his favorite…and mine. He literally crawls across the room to attack my mouth if I’m eating. This video was taken about a month or 2 ago when he was a bit wobbly. Now he is grabbing my mouth to get the food!”

First of all, I don’t even know what half of that food shit is. Second? Is this something we really want to be teaching a new generation, because I’m telling you right now – if some young shithead runs clear across a restaurant to attack my mouth while I’m eating because something I’ve got in there looks good, I don’t care who’s kid it is – they’re getting punched, dude.

But honestly. Messed up or not messed up? Does this chick have perfect teeth? No open sores in her mouth? No cavities, no chance that there could be any kind of infection or bacteria or disease breeding in there? Damn. Because if so, she’s got a leg to stand on (unless she wants to chew that up and spit it out, too), even though … never mind. No she doesn’t. This is flat-out disgusting and I just cannot wait to hear what the general response is going to be to this. Is this supposed to be part of her “famed” Kind Diet?

So much for dinner.

Madonna Responds to Deadmau5, is Still a Frigging Moron

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Oh, she’s also completely full of shit, too. Thought you knew.

This was Madonna’s response to Deadmau5′s Facebook blitz yesterday, calling her out for being a f-cking fame troll and for glamorizing drug use in club music lovers. Madonna, if you were unaware, asked the crowd at a music festival, “How many people in this crowd have seen molly?”, which is a reference to the drug ecstasy. Deadmau5 blasted girlfriend for condoning – and promoting – drug use, and this was her random-assed, far-out, wicked hard-to-believe response. Of course.

Deadmau5 responded to the Tweet:

“Fair enough, I was just voicing my concerns as I usually do. +1 respect for clearing it up personally … regardless, just be a little more aware of what you should represent at EDM events, and I’ll watch my mouth.”

To which Madonna, “taking the high road,” said:

“Communication is always best. You should have called me first, we could have cleared it up ‘privately.’ ;) See you on the road.”

And Deadmau5 closed out the conversation by saying:

“well there you have it kids. i’ve said what i needed to say, which ill still stand by, and so did she. life goes on. no more talk of that.”

So more or less, Deadmau5 is no stupid mau5, and knows that Madonna’s completely full of shit and fillers. Much like we all thought to begin with, but you know, sometimes it’s just nice to have other people reinforce your thoughts, no matter how unpopular they can be at times.

Afternoon Delight

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Jeremy Piven sucks at oral sex. [The Superficial]

You watching ‘DWTS’? Here’s a recap. [Bitten and Bound]

Octomom says she’s a good mom. [Starpulse]

Kate Winslet didn’t get a facelift? [Socialite Life]

Justin Bieber‘s joke backfires in a big way. [Hollywood PQ]

Why Mario Lopez is a big a-hole. [Celebslam]

Megan Fox did a magazine shoot! It’s shit! [Yeeeah]

Christie Brinkley cries on TV, talks about marriage. [Cele|bitchy]

Bobby Brown update: he’s not dead. [IDLYITW]

The 10 Best Shows in Fox’s 25-Year History. [Pajiba]

PHOTOS: Eva Mendes is Ryan Gosling’s maid now. [Lainey Gossip]

Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles suck. [OMGBlog]

Oh, now Rihanna‘s going to be an ‘X-Factor’ judge. [Hollywood Dame]

If Gerard Butler Hooked Up With Lindsay Lohan, He’s Dead to Me

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Not that he’s ever really been “alive” to me, or more than a blip on my radar because of 300 and being pursued by the ever-persistent Jessica Biel, but I’ve always wanted to say that – “dead to me.” It sounds just so dramatic and final. “You’re dead to me.” I wish I could have tons and tons of money and draw up a huge will and write someone random into it, only to pull the rug out from underneath them later in life, cutting them out of the will while screaming, “You’re dead to me!” as spittle flies from the corners of my mouth. Great, right?

Anyway, People reports that Gerard Butler is probably strapping on the old radioactive-resistant, flame-retardant cod piece and sticking it in Lindsay:

It was a (typically) star-studded night at West Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont.

Lindsay Lohan may have (mostly) been preoccupied with her cell phone during her evening out with friends – she was glued to it, constantly texting, as were her pals – but that didn’t stop her entirely from taking notice of fellow celebs. The starlet jumped out of her chair and ran to give Emily Blunt a hug when she saw the British actress approaching. They shared some pleasant small talk – and smiles – before Blunt headed away with her friend [Ed. Note: Ran away to find some sanitizer is probably more like it.]

Soon, though, Lohan had another visitor: Gerard Butler, who arrived on the patio after midnight and sauntered over to the garden bar near where Lindsay and her friends were seated. The two were laughing and telling jokes, and Butler kept his hands on both sides of her chair as he leaned in close to talk. She was soaking up the attention and even asked him to come closer so she could whisper in his ear.

Oh my God. It’s finally happening. Lindsay Lohan “is coming back.” She’s getting all sorts of “attention from ‘A-listers’.” She’s frequenting the Chateau Marmont again. This is business, guys. Serious business.

As for Butler? Stick a fork in ‘im, he’s done. Looks like he should have latched back onto Jessica Biel when he had the chance. Back when he was still maybe bankable. And semi-bangable.

PETA Backs Courtney Stodden While Courtney Stodden Backs PETA

And my IQ just dropped a whole thirty points lower because I wrote that headline. Yes, Courtney Stodden has been contracted by PETA to push their anti-animal cruelty agenda, and who better to accommodate young, impressionable audiences than a seventeen-year-old girl who’s married to a dude that’s about to collect social security? Right on! Maybe there should be a foundation out there to protect young women out there from making stupid-ass decisions and marrying sexual T-Rexes who should actually have the last name “Hutchinson” because it’s way easier to type than “Hutchison.” I f-ck it up every time, man.

Anyway, the best part of the clip is when Courtney says “I switched to a vegetarian.” What does that even mean? And what does it have to do with tits? Because the only message I’m getting from this video is that the science behind plastic surgery is, though disturbing and often misused, unbelievable.

The video gets pretty graphic at the 1:26 mark (don’t say I didn’t warn you, because the cow head spurting blood didn’t make me very happy, because I love animals despite the fact that I eat meat), so tune out or skip past it or close your eyes for a few seconds, because guys, it’s not pretty, but that’s PETA for you. They make a living off of promoting brutal videos of animal slaughter in an attempt to scare people into “switching to a vegetarian,” and not to open Pandora’s box or anything, but how is that any different than the uber-conservative, uber-graphic anti-abortion videos that show babies in utero … well, you know what I mean. Disturbing. And I don’t like it. I had a hard time watching the rest of the video because of it, for fear that there’d be more animal cruelty that’d scar my psyche for the rest of my life and really f-ck up being able to sate my hamburger cravings for a while.

Also? Here’s a little Courtney tidbit in case you were interested, or not in the VIP club on girlfriend’s new website – her dog’s name is Bizarre. Bizarre. The dog. It’s name is BIZARRE.

What? It’s appropriate, and way better than ‘Don’t Put It On Me, Girl’.

… Or IS IT?

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian are Bringing a Third Party Into Their Relationship

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Bwahahahah! What, you actually thought that I meant Eddie and LeAnn were going to have a baby? And ruin that fine-ass figure? Hell-to-the-no! Eddie wouldn’t touch that snatch with a ten-foot pole if it got all stretched out and gummy because some dumb fetus might have to pass through on its way out to the world. And a c-section? God, what’s worse? A ripped up birth canal, or having to look at a nasty scar each and every time you tried to get your rocks off? There’s just no good choices there.

No, the third party I’m talking about is LeAnn’s friend, Lizzy, who was being molested by LeAnn in all of these photos, much to the sheer enjoyment of Eddie and some dude.

And also, I checked LeAnn’s Twitter account today to see if she had made some kind of statement about how she doesn’t condone lesbianism and only has eyes for her douchebag husband, but I didn’t find anything. Actually, no, that’s not entirely correct – the only things I found were a bunch of auto-generated Virgo horoscopes and … and, well, she changed her handle to ‘LeAnn Rimes Cibrian’. Now, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t follow LeAnn on Twitter (you can follow us too, you know), because I do, so I’m the first to admit that I had not yet seen that she changed her last name via addendum. LeAnn Rimes Cibrian? My goodness. Someone’s trying awfully hard, now, aren’t they? How long has this been going on, anyhow?

But back to the faux-lesbianism. Come on. Does she really think this is the ticket? Is poor LeAnn that deluded that she’s willing to do absolutely anything in her power to keep her ill-gotten gains? And is Eddie actually enjoying this? And if not, what more can LeAnn do to ensure that the fires of their marriage don’t peter out? Because nothing says, “I love you forever, baby” like stimulating your husband’s desire for girl-on-girl action once he starts getting bored with just you and your crap implants.

Jeez.

Nadya Suleman’s Bellybutton Still Looks Like Voldemort Incarnate

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… But not the hot Ralph Fiennes-Voldemort, I’m talking about the scary, creepy CGI Voldemort from back during the early Harry Potter movies, to be sure.

So from the magazine cover there, can you guess what Nadya‘s been doing? Yeah, she’s been posing in her skivvies, obviously, but for what purpose? Why, for the same damned purpose she’s had time and time again – looking for something to pay her rent, because who wants to babysit *fourteen demonic children who everyone hates while Nadya has to, I don’t know, go out and get an actual job? No, because there’s still apparently an audience out there who want to see this woman flaunting all of the piss-poor plastic surgery that could have paid for years’ worth of rent someplace that isn’t going to cost $2500 a month.

From TMZ:

Nadya Suleman is days away from being homeless … the house she owns that has been in and out of foreclosure for more than a year will be sold at an auction Thursday … so Octo needs a new crib for her brood … stat.

The dilemma — getting first and last month’s rent together, so Octo has gone naked. She posed for the European magazine, “Closer.”

Sources tell TMZ … Octo got $10,000 for the shoot, which is what she needs to rent a new place.

Octo is being very up front now about some misgivings about having 14 kids, saying, “I’m doing that (posing nude) because I need to feed my kids. I need to pay the bills. And I’m still very cognizant of the repercussions of my choices.”

Amazing what some people can be reduced to all in the name of love for their children, you know?

*Her words, guys, not mine.