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2But Karl Lagerfeld, What Do You Do All Day?

A photo of Karl Lagerfeld

Do you dye your hair white? Do you practice looking as surly as possible? Do you set aside approximately four hours to think of shitty and obnoxious things to say about other people? I NEED TO KNOW.

Luckily, Karl Lagerfeld has, for whatever reason, disclosed his entire day’s schedule with Harper’s Bazaar. I don’t understand why he did it, and I don’t understand why it was published, and I’m not going to pretend to understand it. All I need to do is accept this for the precious gift that it is, and then share it with you in the hopes that it will tickle some of you as much as it tickled me.

I’m going to break this down for you guys so you can see the most important parts of Karl’s schedule, all right? I think it’ll be easier for us to analyze that way, and I so want to analyze this with you. Are you ready?

- Karl Lagerfeld always wakes up exactly seven hours after he went to sleep, because “the house can fall apart, but I sleep for seven hours.” He wears a full length white nightgown that he had specially made after he saw a design from the 17th century in a museum. He doesn’t mention if he wears one of those adorable matching caps

- For breakfast, Karl Lagerfeld has two chocolate protein shakes and steamed apples. He also notes that he drinks Diet Coke “from the minute I get up to the minute I go to bed.” He says that he drinks nothing else besides Diet Coke.

- After breakfast, Karl Lagerfeld reads, sketches, and daydreams.

- At 11:00 AM, Karl Lagerfeld has his hair done. His natural color is “kind of grayish,” but he doesn’t like that so he keeps it white with a dry shampoo. And no, I don’t understand how that’s supposed to work.

- At noon, Karl Lagerfeld gets dressed and bathes. He likes to soak in the bathtub, “if you really want to know.” He uses a hundred-year-old bath product to soften the water. After his bath, he doesn’t exercise, because if you exercise when you’re younger you get to stop after you grow up because “all you do when you’re young stays.” If you don’t believe him, he assures that he’s “very flexible,” and that he doesn’t have any problems.

- When he gets dressed, Karl Lagerfeld’s nightgown, sheets, and robes go to the laundry because he likes to have everything changed daily. He has “antique lace, antique sheets, beautiful quilted covers, but everything is white” because “in white you can hide nothing,” which is a really important quality in bedclothes.

- One of Karl Lagerfeld’s favorite things to wear is a pair of jeans: “they are dark gray with my face, my profile, printed in black on them.”

- He rarely eats lunch, but when he does, he has it brought to his first house. He has two houses, right next to each other. One is “only for sleeping and sketching,” and the other house is where he has meals and guests and the help.

- From 5:00 PM to 8:00 PM, Karl Lagerfeld is in the studio. It doesn’t take him long because “I’m not in there in the studio draping – I don’t do those things.”

- At 9:00 PM, Karl Lagerfeld has dinner. He doesn’t like going out a lot because “I’m so busy and so pleased with what I’m doing that I’m not really ready for a social evening.” He also mentions that all the people he used to go out with “are dead or don’t exist anymore.”

- When the day is over, Karl Lagerfeld unwinds by reading or playing with his cat, Choupette, who he calls his “spoiled princess.” He didn’t elaborate any further, but I like to think that he had a nightgown made for the kitty, and they lie in his pristine bed together, sipping Diet Coke and cuddling.

What a day. What a life. What an entertainingly pompous douchebag.

March 17, 2012 at 9:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Karl Lagerfeld

7Bobbi Kristina Is Now Engaged to Her Brother

A photo of Bobbi Kristina and Nick Gordon

Oh, to be young and in love! How sweet it is to feel the gentle kiss and tender embrace of your lover! How wonderfully, beautifully freeing it is to meet your soulmate! Who’s also your brother. Oh, wait.

Yes, we’re still talking about Bobbi Kristina and her blooming relationship with her adopted brother, Nick Gordon. And why wouldn’t we be? As you can see in that picture up there, Bobbi Kristina is sporting a rather large diamond on That Finger, and as you’re about to hear from me, it’s because she’s getting married. To her brother.

From Radar:

Whitney Houston’s teenage daughter, Bobbi Kristina, has told her grandmother, Cissy Houston, she will marry Nick Gordon, a longtime friend who’s known as her ‘adopted’ brother, even though the matriarch of the family is vehemently opposed to the relationship, is exclusively reporting.

As Star magazine exclusively reported in this week’s issue, just one month after Whitney’s death, Bobbi Kristina, 19, secretly got engaged to Nick, 22, and she’s recently been spotted wearing a diamond engagement ring.

Cissy Houston is “absolutely heartsick that Bobbi Kristina has gotten engaged. This reminds her of when Whitney married Bobby Brown, whom Cissy has never approved of. Cissy has conveyed to Krissy how upset she is, and has urged her to have a prolonged engagement. Krissy has told her grandmother that she doesn’t need her blessing to marry Nick, and the more Cissy objects to the relationship, well that only cements Krissy’s decision. It’s just a very sad situation. Clearly, Krissy loves Nick, but she has just lost her mother, and her entire world has been turned upside down. Krissy doesn’t think she needs to wait, and points to her mom’s sudden death as the reason to marry Nick,” a source close to the situation tells us.

“Nick proposed to Krissy on March 10, and she said yes,” a family friend told Star. “Krissy said Nick is the only person she trusts in the world. They have a very deep connection,” a family insider told Star via

Bobbi Kristina lives with Nick in Whitney’s $1.2 million Atlanta townhouse, and they call each other “brother” and “sister,” says the source.

Although he was never adopted by Whitney, she took Nick in several years ago after his father went to prison and his mother was unable to care for him.

“Nick took care of Whitney and Kristina,” his grandmother Maxine Gordon tells Star. “He’s always been extremely protective of Kristina.”

Bobbi Kristina has had several heated arguments with Cissy about the engagement, and the 19 year old has said “my mother would have approved of me marrying Nick, and I’m going to do it,” the source says.

Ok, I know, this news is from Radar and Star and therefore a little questionable. But you guys, you know who else has this story? People. And you know People makes it real.

Man, this story is just way too … I’m not sure of the right word. Icky? Yucky? Flowers in the Attic-y? Apparently Bobbi is defending herself by saying that this relationship is totally ok because Nick isn’t her brother by blood, and she “can’t please everyone,” which just makes this worse. I mean, I know it’s her life and all, but can someone get this girl an intervention, stat?

March 17, 2012 at 7:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: Bobbi Kristina

9Watch This: The Trailer for Dark Shadows!

Back in January, Sarah told you guys all about this movie, Dark Shadows: it stars Johnny Depp as a vampire named Barnabus Collins, it’s based on the old television show of the same name, it’s directed by Tim Burton, and so of course it will also feature Helena Bonham Carter.

Also, doesn’t it look so good?

Ok, I know that a lot of people aren’t nearly as excited for this latest gem from Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, and that’s fair. I get that. I’ve never seen the original series, and I’d never even heard about it until I read about this movie, but I know it can be really upsetting when it feels like something you love so much gets stolen and twisted and soiled by someone else trying to celebrate it, so I won’t begrudge any haters for hatin’ on this movie I’m actually pretty excited about.

Another reason I want to see this film? Because it features Eva Green. You know who Eva Green is, right? She’s the actress who Johnny allegedly fell in love with, or at least slept with, which is what caused all those separation rumors about Johnny and his longtime lady love, Vanessa Paradis. Allegedly. And no, I haven’t heard anything about that split in a while.

But forget all the real life talk, there are vampires! And Michelle Pfeiffer, who’s always glorious! And the eternal love that is shared between Tim Burton and Johnny Depp! Everyone’s going to see this movie when it comes out in May, right?

March 16, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Johnny Depp, Tim Burton

0Apparently Being a Musician Runs in the Willis Family, Huh?

photo of scout willis pictures photos pics
Did you guys know that Scout here is in a band thing? Yeah. Its name is Gus + Scout, and they mostly do covers, from what I can see. These photos were taken of Scout (and, of course, Gus) last night at Rockwood Music Hall in Manhattan. I like this girl, you know. Actually, I like all of the Willis girls. They’re all pretty awesome in their own ways. See, Scout here is awesome because she’s got a decent singing voice. Remember the clip she filmed with Ashton back in the day? This?

Also, she’s got that filthy Twitter account. And even if it’s not her, it’s still pretty bad-ass that someone cares enough about her to want to drag her name through the mud with Tweets like “Once my mom dragged me to Cartier when i was hungover so she could get ring cleaned, I threw up all over bathroom…take that #newhighnewlow”. That’s classic right there, folks, and someone awesome like Scout Willis can only pull it off.

Rumer’s just as cool in her I-don’t-give-two-f-cks way, and even though lots of people think she’s completely fug because of her “man-jaw,” I think she’s actually smoking hot and pretty damn fierce, too.

Tallulah’s got a ways to go, but she’s still young, guys. The height of her doings lately has been cigarette-smoking and tattoo-getting, but there’s still so much promise there, and I greatly look forward to what girl’s going to do in the coming years. Especially with all that white wine she drinks.

No, I’ve got a good feeling about these girls – Scout, Rumer, and Tallulah. They’re going to be pretty big in the coming days, and I’m saying right now that these are three chicks we’re going to want to watch – closely.

Who’s your favorite Willis girl?

View Results
March 16, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Scout Willis

26Leonardo DiCaprio’s Girlfriend Is Sad That He Doesn’t Bathe

A photo of Leonardo DiCaprio

And yes, I went all the way back to July of last year to find a good photo of Leo looking like he needed a good scrubbing. What of it?

Ok, here’s the story. Leonardo DiCaprio has a new girlfriend. She’s a Victoria’s Secret model (surprise!) named Erin Heatherton, who is gorgeous and also enjoys bathing frequently. Leonardo DiCapro, on the other hand, is not a Victoria’s Secret model who is ok looking and would rather just not when it comes to taking a shower. You can see where the issues would arise, right?

From The National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend is making a huge stink over his hygiene! Leo avoids underarm deodorant and daily showers in his bid to help save the planet – but his personal environment has completely turned off his gorgeous galpal, model Erin Heatherton, say sources.

Erin is nauseated by his abbreviated bathing schedule, not to mention the rancid recyclables that pile up at his house, according to insiders.

“Leo has let his love for the environment take over his whole world, and it’s killing his love life,” a friend told The Enquirer. “He only showers a couple of days a week to conserve water, and he considers deodorant to be ‘unnatural’.”

Leo is also an avid recycler, but sources say he often misses the pickup days, and the rotting refuse results in a funky-smelling kitchen. Leo went “green” years ago, but his environmental obsession is giving Erin that sinking feeling. And that’s bad news for Leo, because it’s said he’s finally ready to settle down.

“Erin loves him dearly, but she’s starting to feel like Leo loves the environment more than her!” noted the friend. “Eric has warned him to clean up his act and his hygiene… if not, he may wind up chasing off the woman of his dreams.”

Ok, I’m going to take a moment to be completely real and say that sometimes I only shower every other day. Those times include the time that I was too depressed to do anything but sleep, watch Roseanne reruns and eat ice cream, and the time that I hurt my back and literally the only way I got out of bed was by my boyfriend picking me up while I was screaming and crying. But also, sometimes I just don’t leave the house. Sometimes all I do during an entire day is talk to you guys, play with my guinea pigs, and watch Lifetime movies, and I don’t feel bad about skipping a shower then.

But this isn’t about me, this is about Leonardo DiCaprio and about how our situations are not the same. There’s a difference between letting a day go by without bathing and letting rotting garbage pile up in your house, right? One is like “whatever, get off your ass and get in the shower,” and the other is more like “you have a problem, and also you have a desperate need for cologne.” And I don’t think it’s totally shallow for that last one to be a deal breaker for Leo’s girlfriend, do you?

March 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Leonardo DiCaprio

8Of Course Taylor Momsen Makes Out With Female Pornstars

You know, I’ve never seen Taylor perform with her band, The Pretty Reckless. Then again, I’ve never seen Taylor Momsen do anything in public in person, so maybe that’s a little extra-why this video surprised me, but at the same time, didn’t surprise me at all. At the :23 mark, you have Taylor whipping her extra-long, extra-stringy, extra-blonde hair around like she’s riding the wrong side of a stripper pole (but really, is there ever really a wrong side?) and from there, the video only gets worse. No, really: it gets worse.

At the :32 mark, Taylor turns around to face the crowd and has a sloppy, lazy, smeared-lipstick smile on that positively screams “HEROIN!” That, and who cut her bangs? Girlfriend’s probably got a fair amount of money that she hasn’t frittered away on trying to look like an albino Marilyn Manson, and she’s cutting her own damn bangs? It’s obvious. I’ve been there. But I have an excuse. I’m a reclusive writer. I’m paranoid about people bringing scissors to my face. OK, that’s a lie. I’m actually too lazy to make a damn hair appointment, alright? That’s the truth.

At :49. The dude in the audience waving around the Devil Horns. Or is that the Shocker? I don’t know. Maybe it’s a lady with sausages for fingers maybe. Whatever.

After that it gets pretty boring and I may have dozed off until the : mark. That, or the heavy-duty pain meds are making me zone out. Please don’t make me watch it again; I just can’t do it. Anyway, somewhere around the three-minute mark, Taylor’s friend, Jenna Haze (AKA “female pornstar”) makes a stage appearance and does a standing lapdance for Taylor, which might have actually been kind of hot-ish if she weren’t wearing a big, baggy t-shirt. At one point, they kiss. Gross. Doesn’t Taylor know what kind of stuff was in that chick’s mouth?

In short? This video makes me want to die, and if Taylor’s intention was … well, that, when composing the same-name song, then it was a total f-cking win, alright? GIRL WHO F-CKS FOR SATAN, 1; SARAH, 0.

March 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Taylor Momsen