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Celebrity Tweets of the Day: LA Is Weird Edition

I noticed that on Fridayish a lot of celebrities tweeted about something called “Carmageddon,” and I thought it was so weird that a 1997 computer game was suddenly getting this much visibility. So I googled for answers. Turns out the LAPD actually asked celebrities to go on Twitter and announce that the 405 Freeway will be closed all weekend. Yawn.

Speaking of the freeway, this is not Kathy Griffin‘s best look:

Got mah hair did. Ladies, try hangin ur head on the window goin 55MPH

However, this is a very good look for Ricky Gervais:

Gervais, who is too lazy to tweet, sent me this pic of his obscene new toy

In spite of his technical difficulties, I still say Steve Martin is the only old man who should be allowed on Twitter:

Much as I enjoy Sarah Silverman, that was a mysterious retweet off my iPad

As for Sarah Silverman, she is so right about this next thing. She should be a theater critic!

Yeah ok great acting sometimes involves spit strings

I think Yoko Ono is trying to get all existential and meta:

Is anything lopsided in your room? Would you like more lopsided things?

(I read that and snorted, and then I looked up and stared at my off-kilter lampshade, which is always and irretrievably off-kilter, and then I sloooowly realized that maybe Yoko Ono wants me to tilt my entire living room to match my one lampshade.)

Rob Schneider hasn’t made a good movie in ages—or ever?—but his career could be worse. He definitely has his priorities straight:

Happiness is not being on Celebrity Rehab!

P.S. Jerry Seinfeld just joined Twitter. Should we tell him about Google+? Or should we let him wait five years?

Miley Cyrus is Back on Twitter, Is One of Those A-Holes Who Still Thinks Charlie Sheen is Cool

Look what we have here! After quitting Twitter last year because of her disapproving boyfriend, Miley Cyrus has decided to get back into the 140-or-less swing of things. Instead of reclaiming her old @mileycyrus handle, she’s taken over the account that was being managed to promote her next tour. She says that the decision to do so was for two reasons: 1) She wants to connect with her fans, and 2) She can’t get enough of that absolutely hilarious Charlie Sheen.

We’ve always known that Miley was a cornball who’s attracted to low-quality individuals, but Charlie Sheen? Maybe a month ago it was fine to point and laugh at the guy, but after there’s been so much discussion about his consistent abusive behavior toward women and relationship with drugs, I’m a little surprised she’s such an open supporter. It seems as if she had any idea what the hell she was talking about, she wouldn’t be a fan of his.

Hey, Billy Ray! While you’re lecturing your daughter on her bong ripping and slutty behavior, do you think you could also mention something about how women beaters are not to be praised and encouraged? Especially by your daughter and the guy who fucked your wife? Thanks!

And BTW, @CharlieSheen Isn’t Really Charlie Sheen

The over one million people that started following Charlie Sheen on Twitter within the first two days of him joining are probably going to be disappointed to learn that The Sheenius isn’t actually Tweeting himself.

From RadarOnline:

On TV Guide’s Hollywood 411, airing Friday at 8pm Eastern, 7 Central, RadarOnline.com’s Senior Executive Editor @dylanshoward tells host Chris Harrison, “I’ll let you know a secret. He doesn’t actually do the tweets himself. He has a “tweet-master” as he calls it. He calls this person on the traditional cell phone, or the house phone when I was there, and says the message that he wants out.”

Charlie’s “Tweet Master” aka ghost Tweeter is actually some dude by the name of Bob Maron, and all I know about him is that he has less Twitter followers than me and the link on his account leads to a designer knockoff watch online store. I’d also be willing to bet that Charlie has called in approximately zero of the Tweets posted to his account and is just throwing this Bob dude a couple of 8 balls and the Goddesses for a night here and there.

He’s playing us like a damn fiddle! Don’t believe the hype!

Jo Jo Has Been Twitpicing Naughty Photos Of Herself

Pop Star JoJo Takes Semi-Nudes

Taking semi-nude photos and posting them to the Internet when you’re afraid your star is fading: Is this a “new classic”? It’s like something clicks in the minds of these sorta-sexual people that they may be able to get some extra mileage out of their career if they just strip down to their bra and snap a couple cell phone pics of their goods and personally, I love it. For celebrities, that level of desperation is like an emotional milestone these days.

Anyway, I’m thinking Jo Jo is maybe worried that we don’t care about her, you guys. I care about you, Jo Jo. I’ve seen your pictures. I’ll never not love “Get Out” or the fact that you shot your Cribs episode in Foxborough, MA. Put your shirt back on. You’ve got a lot of years left in you.

If Eva Longoria’s Plan To Build Houses In Haiti Works, We’re Horrible People

I came across this video today of Eva Longoria asking celebrities to get involved with her new charity that’s helping rebuild homes in Haiti, but something about the message seemed off.

Eva, along with eBay and Kompolt, have joined forces to auction off celebrity followers and “special Tweets” to bidders. Basically, if you want Ashton Kutcher or Lady Gaga to start following you on Twitter, all you have to do is make the highest donation to aHomeinHaiti.org. The video suggests that some celebrities can offer to donate a “follow” while other celebrities can donate a personal Tweet to the oh-so-charitable person. Probably something along the lines of “Big ups to @SuperCaringHuman 4 doing all the Haitians a solid!”

In the video Eva says that they’re auctioning off these Twitter “privileges” instead of memorabilia or other typical auction items, but I dunno… something about this feels kind of dirty to me. It’s basically just underlining the fact that people are more motivated by fleeting fame than they are by genuinely helping people. Do we really live in a world where someone is more likely to pay to have a celebrity follow them on a social networking site than toss some cash in the direction of their fellow man who’s in need? Gross.

That being said, you can feel free to follow me on Twitter. I might hit you back for free and uhhhh, technically I live next to a Haitian dude. Pretty much the same thing.

John Mayer ‘Quits’ Twitter

photo of john mayer eating his phone, john mayer quits twitter

John Mayer’s Twitter account, which has been a point of contention for many people including ex-girlfriends, attractive black women who agree that Mayer is racist, and other groups that just downright despise John Mayer for being John Mayer (oh! Like me!), is officially off.

The douche’s Twitter account had over 3.7 million followers — for some reason that’s probably akin to watching a train filled with puppies derail — but Mayer recently said that he has plans to communicate with fans via his blog instead of tweeting to his heart’s content.

My thoughts?  Oh, yes.  It’s a lie, it’s a sham, it’s a total farce. John Mayer, communicate with fans via anything other than Twitter? Ha!  Nope. He’s gonna start showing up at people’s front doors now. You just wait and see.

And please start with me, John.  I have a giant wad of raw hamburger that I’d love to shove down your throat.