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Tom Brady

Tom Brady & The Patriots Cheated On Purpose

tom brady deflategate

Admittedly, I’m not really a sports fan – particularly not a fan of American football – but regardless, you’d have to have been living under a rock to have avoided the whole Deflategate controversy that cropped up during the AFC Championship game right before the Super Bowl. Basically, Tom Brady was using footballs that had been deflated slightly (therefore making them easier to handle and control, I imagine) and he claimed he had no idea that they were deflated or who was behind it. The NFL was NOT happy and they hired investigators to look into it and – surprise! – turns out both Brady and the New England Patriots bigwigs knew all about it.

From TMZ:

The NFL just released the results of Ted Wells’ investigation into Deflategate … which says it is “more probable than not that New England Patriots personnel participated in violations of the NFL Playing Rules and were involved in a deliberate attempt to circumvent those rules.”

The report also says, “We also have concluded that it is more probable than not that Tom Brady was at least generally aware of the inappropriate activities of [the locker room attendants] involving the release of air from Patriots game balls.”

The report says … when people began to get suspicious about the balls, the locker room guys began communicating with Brady by phone and text messages with “significantly increased frequency.”

Investigators also say the men who deflated the footballs “received valuable items autographed by Tom Brady the week before the AFC Champsionship game.”

As for Robert Kraft and Bill Belichick … Wells says the investigation shows there was NO evidence to support theories that they were involved in Deflategate.

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft issued a statement saying, “To say we are disappointed in its findings, which do not include any incontrovertible or hard evidence of deliberate deflation of footballs at the AFC Championship game, would be a gross understatement.”

Kraft added, “We will accept the findings of the report and take the appropriate actions based on those findings as well as any discipline levied by the league.”

Yikes. Gotta love cheaters, I guess? Except, you know, not. Disgusting. For those of you more in the know about these matters, can you explain to me what happens next? As in, since it was basically proven that Brady and the team knowingly cheated, are there repercussions? Will Brady’s contract be terminated/will the Patriots face any kind of penalty?

If there’s nothing more than a wrist slap that comes next, what was the point? What’s to stop this kinda shit from continuing in football? Nothing at all.

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Is Tom Brady Serious with This Hair?

A photo of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen

This is what Tom Brady looked like last night at the Met Gala. For real. This is how he styled his hair, on purpose, and this is how he walked out of his house and into public. On purpose. That’s the part that I can’t get over. Tom Brady did this to himself and his hair intentionally. That much is obvious. Just think: he, or more likely Gisele (I refuse to believe that a professional approved this mess), spent actual time fixing his hair like this. “Let’s but a bunch of gel in it and then just swoop it to the side, it’ll be like the dumbass inbred brother of the faux-hawk.” “Sounds great, honey!”

Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. It is Tom Brady, after all. He’s not exactly known for his stylish mane. Remember this?

A photo of Tom Brady

How could you forget?

Also, you have to consider that in a certain way, Tom Brady’s penchant for absolutely ridiculous hair is an asset. Before his bout of Bieber hair, do you know what I knew Tom Brady for? Nothing. Not a thing at all. I had no clue whatsoever who Tom Brady was, and thanks to his stupid hair, I’ll never forget.

So that’s the question: is it better to have been ridiculous and remembered, or to have never been ridiculous at all?

Image courtesy of TMZ

Forbes Releases Top-Earning Celebrity Couples List

photo of forbes highest paid couple 2011 pictures photos tom brady and gisele bundchen pics

I don’t know about you guys, but these lists always intrigue the crap out of me. These celebrity “power couples,” as they’re often referred to, bring in, like, unbelievable wads of cash annually. Jaw-dropping amounts.

I mean, this kind of money is money that I can’t even fathom having, and the craziest part is that there are people out there – both single and partnered up – who earn, like, quadruple this.

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady topped the list this year, bringing in just around $76 million bucks. And that’s just the reported income. You can’t tell me that there isn’t some under-the-table stuff going on somewhere there.

The rest of the list is as follows:

2. Jay-Z and Beyonce – $72 million

photo of jay z and beyonce forbes highest paid list pics

3. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – $50 million

photo of angelina jolie and brad pitt pictures photos forbes highest paid list

Jump in for the rest of the list –

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Y’all Want To See What Kind of Baby Tom Brady and Gisele Made?

These are the first up-close pictures I’ve seen of Benjamin Brady (in Miami yesterday with his nanny) since he was like, fresh out that womb and wrinkly as hell, and I have to say, he’s a pretty good-looking baby. He’s like a chill, subtle hottie. He has sensitive eyes. Is he sexy? No. I wouldn’t use that word. But he has time.

So Do You Still Think Gisele Was Cheating on Tom Brady With This Dude?

photo of gisele bundchen kissing friend helly nahmad pictures

Because no, according to her reps, she was not. The man in the above photo, the one who Gisele is apparently kissing, or about to kiss, is a lifelong friend by the name of Helly Nahmad.

The photo surfaced a few days ago, and naturally the speculation began swirling: ‘Was Gisele cheating on Tom Brady?’ ‘Is this Tom’s boyfriend that Bundchen’s kissing?’ — you name it, it was talked about. However, reps for the supermodel have come forward to, uh, Us magazine and refute all claims that Gisele would ever pucker up for anyone other than a popular American footballer:

Last Thursday, Gisele Bundchen was photographed kissing a man — not her husband, Tom Brady — at the Vogue 90th Anniversary party in Paris. Bundchen’s mystery party companion: NYC art dealer Helly Nahmad.

A rep for the supermodel, 30, tells “This is her friend of 15 years, Helly. Her first New York friend when she moved here.”

Nahmad — who once dated another Brazilian model, Ana Beatriz Barros — is fluent in Portugese and was “the only one [Gisele] could speak to [when] she spoke no English,” the rep continues.

“He is very much part of her close circle of friends. No worries there!”

So there you have it.  Not to mention, would you be puckering up in a wanton way with this Helly dude when you could go home and bang Tom Brady? Despite his dirty-looking Justin Bieber hair, Tom’s still definitely top notch in this case.

Sorry, Hellz.

Love It Or Leave It: Tom Brady’s Justin Bieber Hair

photo of tom brady with a new haircut at a basketball game

You know, I haven’t eaten yet this morning. And while I was scouring the internet for stuff to talk to you guys about, I came across this photo of Tom Brady in attendance at a Celtics-Lakers game earlier in the week. Though I haven’t put a thing in my mouth just yet, I threw up a little bit. In my mouth. I was going to make coffee; I just hadn’t yet. And I’m thankful. Because there’s nothing quite as bad as spitting up coffee-tinged bile on an empty stomach.

Anyway, Tom Bieber Brady and his ridick hair. Please, please don’t tell me that there’s actually anyone out there who digs it. Really. Unless you’re under the age of thirteen, you have positively no excuse to fawn all over Tom’s abomination of a hairstyle.

OK. Now that the storm has passed, I’m going to go and make some coffee. I think it’s safe, and the time is right.

He looks like some kind of low-brow serial killer, especially in the gallery photos. I had, like, the biggest “celebrity crush” on Tom a few years back, but now? Goddamn.

Guess this is what fatherhood — and being married to Gisele Bündchen does to some.

Gisele Bundchen is More Perfect Than You’ll Ever Know

Just weeks after thrusting a living thing out of her nether regions, Gisele Bundchen takes the cover of April’s Vogue and looks as if she never experienced the horrors of pregnancy.  Ever.

Bundchen gave one of those water-births where you peacefully soak in a lukewarm tub in a dimmed room and it’s all peaceful and zen and shit and she didn’t “give birth”, her son “came through her body”, which sounds what like any delicate, virginal supermodel would go through during birth, naturally.  Bundchen claimed to only gain thirty pounds during her podding pregnancy and claimed to feel spiritual and empowered throughout the entire ordeal.

What Vogue didn’t tell you was that her Boston penthouse tub was probably filled with diamond-encrusted rose petals and Tom Brady was the one who gave birth instead.

Congrats on looking so post-pregnancy fabulous to the beautiful, peaceful, empowered Gisele who doesn’t even remotely look like she’s endured the rigors of ruptured facial veins due to eighty hours of pushing on a cold steel table or episiotomies and shitting all over yourself while screaming “You lousy fuck!” at your husband.