This is what Tom Brady looked like last night at the Met Gala. For real. This is how he styled his hair, on purpose, and this is how he walked out of his house and into public. On purpose. That’s the part that I can’t get over. Tom Brady did this to himself and his hair intentionally. That much is obvious. Just think: he, or more likely Gisele (I refuse to believe that a professional approved this mess), spent actual time fixing his hair like this. “Let’s but a bunch of gel in it and then just swoop it to the side, it’ll be like the dumbass inbred brother of the faux-hawk.” “Sounds great, honey!”
Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. It is Tom Brady, after all. He’s not exactly known for his stylish mane. Remember this?
How could you forget?
Also, you have to consider that in a certain way, Tom Brady’s penchant for absolutely ridiculous hair is an asset. Before his bout of Bieber hair, do you know what I knew Tom Brady for? Nothing. Not a thing at all. I had no clue whatsoever who Tom Brady was, and thanks to his stupid hair, I’ll never forget.
So that’s the question: is it better to have been ridiculous and remembered, or to have never been ridiculous at all?
Image courtesy of TMZ
I don’t know about you guys, but these lists always intrigue the crap out of me. These celebrity “power couples,” as they’re often referred to, bring in, like, unbelievable wads of cash annually. Jaw-dropping amounts.
I mean, this kind of money is money that I can’t even fathom having, and the craziest part is that there are people out there – both single and partnered up – who earn, like, quadruple this.
Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady topped the list this year, bringing in just around $76 million bucks. And that’s just the reported income. You can’t tell me that there isn’t some under-the-table stuff going on somewhere there.
The rest of the list is as follows:
2. Jay-Z and Beyonce – $72 million
3. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – $50 million
Jump in for the rest of the list –
These are the first up-close pictures I’ve seen of Benjamin Brady (in Miami yesterday with his nanny) since he was like, fresh out that womb and wrinkly as hell, and I have to say, he’s a pretty good-looking baby. He’s like a chill, subtle hottie. He has sensitive eyes. Is he sexy? No. I wouldn’t use that word. But he has time.
Because no, according to her reps, she was not. The man in the above photo, the one who Gisele is apparently kissing, or about to kiss, is a lifelong friend by the name of Helly Nahmad.
The photo surfaced a few days ago, and naturally the speculation began swirling: ‘Was Gisele cheating on Tom Brady?’ ‘Is this Tom’s boyfriend that Bundchen’s kissing?’ — you name it, it was talked about. However, reps for the supermodel have come forward to, uh, Us magazine and refute all claims that Gisele would ever pucker up for anyone other than a popular American footballer:
Last Thursday, Gisele Bundchen was photographed kissing a man — not her husband, Tom Brady — at the Vogue 90th Anniversary party in Paris. Bundchen’s mystery party companion: NYC art dealer Helly Nahmad.
A rep for the supermodel, 30, tells UsMagazine.com: “This is her friend of 15 years, Helly. Her first New York friend when she moved here.”
Nahmad — who once dated another Brazilian model, Ana Beatriz Barros — is fluent in Portugese and was “the only one [Gisele] could speak to [when] she spoke no English,” the rep continues.
“He is very much part of her close circle of friends. No worries there!”
So there you have it. Not to mention, would you be puckering up in a wanton way with this Helly dude when you could go home and bang Tom Brady? Despite his dirty-looking Justin Bieber hair, Tom’s still definitely top notch in this case.
You know, I haven’t eaten yet this morning. And while I was scouring the internet for stuff to talk to you guys about, I came across this photo of Tom Brady in attendance at a Celtics-Lakers game earlier in the week. Though I haven’t put a thing in my mouth just yet, I threw up a little bit. In my mouth. I was going to make coffee; I just hadn’t yet. And I’m thankful. Because there’s nothing quite as bad as spitting up coffee-tinged bile on an empty stomach.
Bieber Brady and his ridick hair. Please, please don’t tell me that there’s actually anyone out there who digs it. Really. Unless you’re under the age of thirteen, you have positively no excuse to fawn all over Tom’s abomination of a hairstyle.
OK. Now that the storm has passed, I’m going to go and make some coffee. I think it’s safe, and the time is right.
He looks like some kind of low-brow serial killer, especially in the gallery photos. I had, like, the biggest “celebrity crush” on Tom a few years back, but now? Goddamn.
Guess this is what fatherhood — and being married to Gisele Bündchen does to some.
Just weeks after thrusting a living thing out of her nether regions, Gisele Bundchen takes the cover of April’s Vogue and looks as if she never experienced the horrors of pregnancy. Ever.
Bundchen gave one of those water-births where you peacefully soak in a lukewarm tub in a dimmed room and it’s all peaceful and zen and shit and she didn’t “give birth”, her son “came through her body”, which sounds what like any delicate, virginal supermodel would go through during birth, naturally. Bundchen claimed to only gain thirty pounds during her
podding pregnancy and claimed to feel spiritual and empowered throughout the entire ordeal.
What Vogue didn’t tell you was that her Boston penthouse tub was probably filled with diamond-encrusted rose petals and Tom Brady was the one who gave birth instead.
Congrats on looking so post-pregnancy fabulous to the beautiful, peaceful, empowered Gisele who doesn’t even remotely look like she’s endured the rigors of ruptured facial veins due to eighty hours of pushing on a cold steel table or episiotomies and shitting all over yourself while screaming “You lousy fuck!” at your husband.
I have never had a kid, but you would have to be an idiot to try and tell me that it wouldn’t hurt to squeeze something that weighs more than a pound and has a head out of my vagina (OH WAIT.) Still, that’s what Gisele Bündchen is saying about her experience giving birth to her son with Tom Brady, Benjamin. And get this! She’s saying she did the whole thing drug-free. OK, now I know she’s gotta be lying about the pain. I know that can’t be true.
“The whole time, my head was so focused – every contraction, the baby is closer, the baby is closer. So, it wasn’t like, ‘Oh, what pain.’ It was, ‘With every contraction, he is getting closer to me,’ ” the gorgeous liar told People. She continued on to say “The second day, I was walking, I was washing dishes, I was making pancakes in the kitchen.”
Perhaps the fact that she did a water birth made the process a little bit easier, but painless? Pancakes? Who are you trying to play, Bündchen?