You know, I’ve never seen Taylor perform with her band, The Pretty Reckless. Then again, I’ve never seen Taylor Momsen do anything in public in person, so maybe that’s a little extra-why this video surprised me, but at the same time, didn’t surprise me at all. At the :23 mark, you have Taylor whipping her extra-long, extra-stringy, extra-blonde hair around like she’s riding the wrong side of a stripper pole (but really, is there ever really a wrong side?) and from there, the video only gets worse. No, really: it gets worse.
At the :32 mark, Taylor turns around to face the crowd and has a sloppy, lazy, smeared-lipstick smile on that positively screams “HEROIN!” That, and who cut her bangs? Girlfriend’s probably got a fair amount of money that she hasn’t frittered away on trying to look like an albino Marilyn Manson, and she’s cutting her own damn bangs? It’s obvious. I’ve been there. But I have an excuse. I’m a reclusive writer. I’m paranoid about people bringing scissors to my face. OK, that’s a lie. I’m actually too lazy to make a damn hair appointment, alright? That’s the truth.
At :49. The dude in the audience waving around the Devil Horns. Or is that the Shocker? I don’t know. Maybe it’s a lady with sausages for fingers maybe. Whatever.
After that it gets pretty boring and I may have dozed off until the : mark. That, or the heavy-duty pain meds are making me zone out. Please don’t make me watch it again; I just can’t do it. Anyway, somewhere around the three-minute mark, Taylor’s friend, Jenna Haze (AKA “female pornstar”) makes a stage appearance and does a standing lapdance for Taylor, which might have actually been kind of hot-ish if she weren’t wearing a big, baggy t-shirt. At one point, they kiss. Gross. Doesn’t Taylor know what kind of stuff was in that chick’s mouth?
In short? This video makes me want to die, and if Taylor’s intention was … well, that, when composing the same-name song, then it was a total f-cking win, alright? GIRL WHO F-CKS FOR SATAN, 1; SARAH, 0.