Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Ryan Gosling

5 Couples We Wish Would Split Up

photo of vanessa paradis and johnny depp breaking up pics
No, no – we don’t wish that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis would snap it off (generally). But in light of all of the lost love in the world, we decided to compile a list of 5 couples that we wish the ultimate demise upon: the big breakup. What with Seal and Heidi Klum calling it quits, and Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis (and, of course, you can’t forget – sniff, sniff – Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries), we thought it prudent to really stick it to those who deserve it, rather than those who should just be together for the rest of their lives for the public’s sake.

In no particular order, The List:

#5 – Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison
photo of courtney stodden and doug hutchison pictures photos breakup
OK, no one’s going to disagree with me on this one, right? Their relationship, frankly speaking, is weird and unnatural and honestly, pretty damn gross. Not that I, you know, sit around and fantasize about celebrities having sex (I do have other things to do, my friends), but even trying to think about these two in the sack takes my appetite away. And that’s a hard, hard thing to do these days, guys.

#4 – Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes
photo of ryan gosling and eva mendes breakup pics
Because, duh. Who wants to continue seeing these two sucking face all over chic European countries and West Coast bistros? Not this girl, that’s for damn sure. Ryan needs to go back to his roots of down-home sweetness and women with genteel manners and … I don’t know, f-cking hoop skirts or something. Eva Mendes is just not where all that is at.

#3 – Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
photo of jennifer aniston and justin theroux breakup pics
I don’t know about you guys, but it seems to me that Jennifer only dates a high-ish profile man is when she’s in the throes of promoting one of her films. As far as I know, she doesn’t have anything important coming down the line as of yet, so I fully expect these two to completely drop off the radar sometime in 2012. Plus, Jennifer Aniston is just (more) annoying (than usual) when she’s dating anyone, really. Sorry, girl, but some people just aren’t meant to be.
*Image courtesy of Celebuzz

#2 – Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart
photo of jennifer lopez and casper smart dating pictures photos breakup
Again, I don’t want to wish ill upon anyone and their, you know, “true love that transcends age, generation, and backup dancer syndrome,” but this is just silly. I realize that J. Lo is a big girl and can string along a young kid if she wants, throwing money at him all the while like she’s the female P. Diddy, but they’ve only been dating for something like weeks now and I’m already sick of hearing about them. Go and celebrate and get married and disappear forever, guys, or break the hell up and get off my mind.

#1 – Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick
photo of kourtney kardashian and scott disick pictures photos breakup pic
I don’t know, is it in poor taste to wish relational demise upon a woman who’s expecting a child? I don’t think so, considering who she’s with. I’m not a big Kardashian-lover as it is, but if there’s anyone who’s bad news, it’s the American Psycho-looking Scott Disick, who always seems to be just one mildly angry outburst away from relapsing into full-blown alcoholism and mirror-smashing. You wanna raise your kiddos around a ticking time-bomb, Kourt? I sure wouldn’t.

What about you guys – anyone in Hollywood you’d like to see cut their ties this year? Anyone on this list you hope lasts, you know, forever and ever?

Your Daily Gosling and Eva Mendes’ New Movie

photo of ryan gosling pictures your daily gosling photos pics
Look, it’s Ryan Gosling, and he’s barefoot again! Although that’s kind of gross, I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed. Even if those big feet were covered in asphalt seeds and bits of broken glass that somehow came dislodged from the calluses of his heels, he could stay in my bed forever. Honestly. Even if he accidentally stepped in a puddle of God-knows-what, all he’d have to do is put some clean socks on and hop in.

It’s actually kind of amazing what clean socks can do for otherwise nasty feet. I was at the 2005 Mardi Gras and good GOD you should have seen my feet after an entire eighteen hours straight on Bourbon Street and the surrounding area. I’d unwisely worn open-toed sandals (it was my first MG, cut me a break) and by the time I’d gotten back to the hotel, I was so drunk and tired and full of jambalaya that instead of hopping in the shower like a good girl, I threw on a pair of socks and hit the sack. It’s not as if I was in the bed long enough to really gum things up – I think I only slept a total of three hours that particular night, ’til it was time to get up, shower, head to breakfast and do it all over again. And again.

So yeah. Right. Ryan Gosling could totally pull that sock trick with me, and I guarantee that I wouldn’t ever judge him for it. He’s too cute, and the pictures just make my heart so happy.

But then, it’s like, oh, look, Eva Mendes did another movie, and it’s called Girl in Progress. Is that anything like Girl, Interrupted? But no, I suppose it’s not. Here’s the official synopsis:

Grace (Eva Mendes) is a single mom. She is too busy juggling work, bills, and the very married Dr. Hartford (Matthew Modine), to give her daughter, Ansiedad (Cierra Ramirez) the attention she desperately needs. When Ansiedad’s English teacher, Ms. Armstrong (Patricia Arquette), introduces her students to classic coming-of-age stories, Ansiedad is inspired to skip adolescence and jump-start her life without mom. While Grace becomes preoccupied with the increasing affections of her co-worker (Eugenio Derbez), Ansiedad enlists the help of her loyal friend, Tavita (Raini Rodriguez), to plot her shortcut to “adulthood”. But as her misguided plan unravels, Ansiedad and Grace must learn that sometimes growing-up means acting your age.

The trailer’s down below, but don’t worry – I’ve followed it immediately with another few photos of Ryan Gosling coming out from training. That should wash the bad taste out of your mouth. A little bit, anyway.

Your Daily Gosling

photo of eva mendes and ryan gosling pics 2012 relationship photos
You hardcore, teeth-gnashing-over-Eva-Mendes Ryan Gosling-lovers aren’t going to be happy about today’s installment of YDG. Why, you ask? Well, because it features photos of the two of them embarking on a late-night tryst while Ryan takes a break from filming one of his many current movies. Sigh.

Ugh, Eva, though, can you blame her? No. Not really. She’s only seeing what we all see, but unlike us, she gets the option to ACT on it. We’d all be at the back door of his set, waiting for him to come out for even thirty-five seconds as he pretends to “go to the bathroom,” because for most of us, that’s all we’d need. No, we can place the blame solely on Ryan here. He’s encouraging this behavior on Eva’s part – you know, allowing her to visit him on set, dressed like she’s an undercover Russian spy who’s actually wearing nothing but NOTHING underneath that camel-colored coat. Making it seem like he’s actually into her and not … I don’t know, someone else. Yes, I’m afraid that our Ryan here is completely at fault for allowing all of this crazy business to continue, and guys, I don’t know how much more of it I can stand.

Poor Eva. She’s going to get hurt one of these times, and I’m really just looking out for her welfare here. It’d probably be best if she just took the initiative and backed off, because I’ve seen it happen a dozen times or more. Girl gets involved with hot guy, girl gets dumped by hot guy. Sadness ensues. I think it’s just that I love Eva so much that I’d be willing to help her do anything to avoid heartache, you know? And isn’t that just so selfless of me?

Your Daily Gosling

photo of eva mendes and ryan gosling traveling 2012 pics photos your daily gosling pics
Oh snap, guys, two days in a row. Why do I have a feeling that Gosling and Mendes are on a publicity spree, allowing themselves to be photographed day in and day out? Why do I suddenly believe that this might all be a publicity stunt in order to drum up even more love for Ryan and “respect” for “serious actresses” like Eva Mendes?

Here’s the most recent photos of the couple, embarking on some whirlwind trip that’ll probably result in even more photos. Hey, maybe if we’re lucky enough, we’ll catch some full-frontal on-window sex from these two. Seems that way from the road they’re traveling, no? I mean, why not? It’s not like people haven’t seen Eva Mendes’ tits splashed all over the place, so it won’t be a huge surprise to see her getting it from behind, even if it is from someone who’s way too good (or is he?) for her.

Lastly, I just love how Eva’s all covering her shit-eating grin all like, “Teehee, I’m with Ryan Gosling, bitches, eat it.” That’s some hardcore class right there, guys. Gag a maggot.

Image courtesy of Celebuzz

Your Daily Gosling

photo of ryan gosling pictures photos hot 2012 first pics movie theater photo
You asked for it, so we’re going to deliver: the first official (kind of second, though, I guess) ‘Your Daily Gosling’ post. I mean, it might not actually be daily, so the title might be a little misleading, but come on. I know we love Ryan Gosling, but not enough to facilitate an entire post, every single day, dedicated to running photos of Ryan doing something mildly yawn-inducing, like sauntering around Paris with his girlyfriend who probably can’t string two words of French together aside from “bathroom, please?”

[Sidebar - Ahem, I'm almost sort of fluent in conversational French, Ryan, did you know that?]

Anyway. So today’s Daily Gosling is brought to you by amazingly hot dudes who take their mothers and their stupid pillow-lipped girlfriends to the movies at the same time. Isn’t that sweet? He probably bought their tickets, too, with his own money. Know what, though? I wonder if the two main ladies in his life can stand one another. I mean, I know if I were Ryan Gosling’s mom, I’d be all like, “Ryan, sweetie, how about dating a nice, girl-next-door type that isn’t latching onto you because you’re a big, big famous movie star that’s had a lot of exposure over the last year and won’t dump you should someone like George Clooney or Brad Pitt came along because they’re way more famous than you are at this moment and who actually has done decent movies, not things like Ghost Rider and Urban Legends: Final Cut.”

Why do I feel this way? Well, it probably has a little to do with the fact that I’m a bitter harpie that thinks Ryan Gosling should only date girls who appear to be average and pretty and down-to-earth, and not sultry sex-kittens who aren’t afraid to show their tits to the world because they know that practically everyone wants to see anyway.

You know, come to think of it, I’ll bet Ryan Gosling’s mom can’t stand her just on that premise alone. Wasn’t Eva Mendes the one who said, “It’s fun to be a woman. It’s fun to flirt and wear makeup and have boobs.” Deep, right? Isn’t that totally the kind of woman you’d want your only son settling down with and being photographed with and sharing your long-term movie dates with?

Lastly, if I was Ryan Gosling’s mom, it’d be really weird, because I think it’s pretty much frowned upon to have sexually-charged feelings about your son, but hey. I suppose I’ve heard weirder things today. Like that thing Eva said one time about her career:

“I know I walk a fine line between being a respected actor and being what they call a sex symbol. It’s a hard one to walk if you want to be known as a real, credible actor. But I’ve never felt objectified. Nothing you see me do is an accident. I might act like it’s an accident, but the opposite is true. I’m incredibly calculated when it comes to my career.”

So, um. How about we talk about that Ghost Rider thing one more time, huh, girl?

Your Daily Gosling

photo of ryan gosling karate mma practice pictures 2011 photos pics
I think it’s going to be a thing around here, maybe, right? Should we do a “Your Daily Gosling”? Does he have enough of a fanbase around here to warrant his own daily post (at least for a little while)? Because honestly, I’m kind of torn these days.

See, way back when Ryan Gosling wasn’t such a thing, I was totally into him. TOTALLY. Back when he was dating a pink-haired Rachel McAdams, and back when his movie repertoire was comprised of a small role in Remember the Titans and a “real” role in Murder by Numbers (which was back when he was hooking up with Sandra Bullock, crazy, right?). That’s when I first sank my hooks into him.

Lately, though, this whole “dating Eva Mendes” thing and doing ‘Funny or Die‘ commercials and ripping …

Read More

“‘Twas The Night Before Christmas” with Ryan Gosling, Jim Carrey, And Whiskey

Oh, and Eva Mendes. Because Eva Mendes is dating Ryan Gosling and she’s definitely sleeping with him because they’re serious enough that she shows up for a quick appearance in this video with him. Oh no, I didn’t just ruin this, did I?

I highly doubt it. Because few things are as lovable as Funny or Die’s Drunk History series, few works of Christmas art are as well known as “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas,” and few things are as creepy as the thought of Jim Carrey dressed as Santa Claus and breaking into your house. This video has everything.