Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Pirates Of The Caribbean

Turns Out People Still Care About Jack Sparrow

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides opened this past Friday, and now it’s official: it’s not just Michael Bolton, everybody in the whole world is still interested by those wacky pirates and their crazy adventures. Entertainment Weekly has all the box office info:

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, the fourth movie in Disney’s hugely successful franchise, opened to $35 million on Friday according to early estimates. If the estimate holds, it will just barely beat Fast Five‘s $34.4 million gross to score the year’s biggest opening day. Compared to prior Pirates films, there’s a definite downward trend, at least domestically. The second film, Dead Man’s Chest, plundered $55.8 million its first day, while the third movie, At World’s End, took in $42.9 million. Still, On Stranger Tides‘ smaller debut is no cause for mutiny, as the 3-D adventure film is headed for an opening weekend of around $88 million, which would be the year’s best so far. And Johnny Depp and company are doing gangbusters overseas, where the movie has already earned $92.1 million in three days.

Did you catch that it beat out the fifth Fast and the Furious movie?  That is a Huge Deal.

If you don’t care about box office earnings and numbers and so on and so forth, let me talk straight with you:  I went to see this movie last night.  I didn’t love it.  I thought the mermaids were really well done, and it’s always nice to look at Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz, but, just like I did with the third Pirates movie, I fell asleep in the middle.  So I’m sorry that I can’t give you a really accurate review, but, um, I did have a really good nap, so there’s that silver lining.

Did you guys see it?  What are your thoughts?  Should I do some meth and try again or what?

So Many People I Love Were At The Pirates of the Caribbean Premiere Last Night!

A photo of Steven Tyler and Mickey Mouse

Maybe it was an exaggeration to say “so many people I love” were there, but there was a good handful.  There was the eternally beautiful Johnny Depp, the always sexy Eliza Dushku, the constantly hilarious Martin Short, and the all around magical Mickey Mouse!  There were some other people there too, like Ashley Tisdale, Vanessa Hudgens, and Teri Hatcher and whatever she did to her face.  All of those people of varying wondrousness are just detracting from the main story though: why did they insist on making another movie about these damn pirates?

The New Pirates of the Caribbean Trailer is Here

And though I’m pretty excited, I’m also kind of nervous at the moment because my garbage collectors literally just arrived, on this windy, windy day, and they’e gonna be so ticked when they see all of the packing peanuts in my trash receptacle. WINDY.

Anyway, the trailer for the long-awaited fourth installation of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is here, and a lot of people have mixed reviews about it. Me, I think Johnny Depp (and Geoffrey Rush, of course) are totally the faces of the Pirates movies, but there are a shit ton of fans out there who refuse to see the movie a) because the Keira Knightley/Orlando Bloom love story won’t be addressed, or b) they can’t stand to listen to Penelope Cruz’s God-awful accent for two-and-a-half-plus hours (you know these movies are always well over 150 minutes).

I’m excited about it anyway. I love the movies, I’ve loved the ride in Disney World since I first went on it over seventeen years ago, and I think Penelope Cruz is actually rather pleasing (unlike the really awful looks I’m getting from my trashmen as I sit here on the front porch, trying to make myself smaller and smaller).

What about you guys, are you over the Pirates saga, or will you be queueing up on May 20th when it’s finally released?

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Jack Sparrow Attempts to Aid A Young Pirate in Mutiny

A photo of Johnny Depp

Photo via People

All right, see that picture?  That’s Jack Sparrow (I know that I should say that it’s Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow, but no, I’m going to stick with character names, you’ll see why momentarily) and a couple of his pirate buddies, and that little girl is nine-year-old Beatrice Delap, pirate-in-training.  Beatrice, in need of some assistance, wrote a letter to Captain Jack Sparrow, one of the best pirates ever, and said that “”We are a bunch of budding young pirates. Normally we’re a right handful, but we’re having trouble mutinying against the teachers. We’d love it if you could come and help.”  And back on Wednesday, Beatrice became the most popular girl at her school:

To gasps and a “wow” from little Beatrice, he surprised the children by strolling into a hastily-convened assembly (the school was only given ten minute’s notice). Depp proffered the letter, which she’d written after visiting the film set.

“He asked where I was in the audience. I put my hand up and then I had to go up and he gave me a hug,” Beatrice told London Tonight TV news. “He said, ‘Maybe we shouldn’t mutiny today because there are police outside monitoring me.’ ”

She concurred: “I said, ‘Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.’ “

I’m trying to think of something that would have been on this level when I was nine, but I’m having trouble with that.  I mean, I try not to throw this word around, but this sounds like a pretty epic event.  And seriously, as if Johnny Depp needed to give the world another reason to love him.

Ready For Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides?

So! The first teaser trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides emerges, and it first debuted at Comic-Con, believe it or not.

I’m really stoked about this movie. Yeah, Orlando Bloom won’t be in it as he’ll be raising a baby Bloom on a solar-powered farm somewhere, and Keira Knightley is probably off shagging Rupert Friend in black satin sheets somewhere in the most uber-chic districts of London, but I’m alright with Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz. That’ll definitely sate my appetite for more Pirates.

I’ve been crazy about Pirates since the first time I ever rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride in Disney World, like twenty years ago or something. Fecking awesome, it was, and I never forgot about it. So when I heard that they were going to build an entire franchise around my most favorite ride ever, I was equally stoked. So stoked, in fact, and so hardcore about Pirates, that I spent an entire day locked away in a cabana in the Dominican Republic with a man who loved Pirates as much as I did to watch a three-movie Pirates marathon, complete with three rounds of room service.

Sunning yourself on the beaches of the Caribbean is definitely not greater than watching a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon in the Caribbean.

May 2011 can’t come fast enough.