Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Pete Wentz

The Kentucky Derby Happened. Exciting Stuff.

I know there are like horses and shit at the Kentucky Derby, and that’s all great, but I really don’t care about that because EVERYONE LOOKS SO CUTE!  The Kentucky Derby could very well be my favorite red carpet event for fashion, and I don’t care what that says about me as a person, I unapologetically love it.

Above is Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz being the most adorably dressed people in the entire world.  Seriously, look at them and tell me they’re not.  You cannot do it, and if you could, it would be a lie.

Below are assorted pictures of my favorite looks, including Jesse Spencer, Rebecca Romijn, Fran Drescher, and Johnny Weir.

Bronx Wentz: Cry Baby

Pete Wentz took his son Bronx on a walk around NYC yesterday and that little muffin was crying his face off the whole time. Poor guy was probably freezing, not to mention freaked out that there were guys taking his picture so that an asshole like me could later buy those photos and then post commentary about them on the Internet. It’s either one of those things or his father’s hair smells as bad as I assume it does. I don’t hate Pete, but I hope the dude turned around and gave his kid a cookie or something. Regardless, it’s clearly hard work being one of the cutest babies in the game.

Ashlee and Pete Don’t Want to Grow Up

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz decided to throw the photogs in New York for a loop when they stepped out wearing these masks yesterday in NYC. The two went for a walk around their ‘hood in matching all black outfits and stopped in to an antique store and a costume store, where they picked up their new face gear. What do you think about the two of them as a couple? Part of me thinks they could make it work forever because they seem so similar, but another part of me is convinced that once they outgrow their childlike attitudes, they will outgrow each other.

Ashlee and Pete Celebrate Their Baby’s First Year

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz kept their baby Bronx alive for an entire year and yesterday they celebrated their glorious achievement by throwing their little boy a Sponge Bob themed birthday party.

You’d think that they’d do something Jungle Book related because the two are so obsessed with the Kipling book-turned Disney Classic that they got their son’s middle name from the main character (Mowgli– ew.), but they went with the Square Pants thing per the babies (kind of) request. “[Bronx] likes Bob and he likes guitar – which he calls ‘itar,’ so we’re going to have a SpongeBob party for him,” Pete told People. I would think that’d mean a Bob Marley themed birthday party, but I guess “special cake” would be lost on a one year old. Or kill him. I’m not suggesting people give their kids cake laced with marijuana, I’m just sayin’.

Perhaps my favorite part of this story is the nearly illiterate Tweets by the Simpson sisters made to commemorate the special day:

From Ashlee: “BX’s 1st bday tomorrow! My angel is going to be a year!! The greatest year of my life :)”

And Jessica: “Happy Birthday to my precious angel on earth!!! Bronx is 1 today!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! I can’t believe it has been a year already.”

I’m going to be really sad when I have to write up a post next summer about how that poor baby got napped from Joe and Tina Simpson’s backyard by a coyote.

Emo Swoosh: Out, Stupid Tattoos: Still In

Pete Wentz's Dumb Tattoo

Last night Pete Wentz got drunk at some Nokia event and made a bet with Cobra Starship dude, Gabriel Saporta. What the bet was is probably going to remain secret, but what we do know is this: Pete Wentz lost and had to tattoo this Gabe dude’s face on his body. Hmmm. I’m sure Ashlee is thrilled that her husband went to a cell phone party and came home with another man’s face tattooed on leg. That must really be the (literally) crazy glue that keeps their whacky union sealed.

Pete Wentz Declares The “Emo Swoosh” Dead

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Earlier today on his Tumblr, Pete Wentz let us know what’s hip: “jay-z had the death of autotune. this is the death of the emo swoosh.” With those horrid bangs finally gone and this freshly buzzed head, I gotta say that Mr. Wentz is looking kind of cute.

Personally, I welcome the death of “the emo swoosh”, a hair cut that’s been emulated by every 14 year old boy and lesbian for the last five years. Not only was the look tired, but it got to the point where it was hard to look at the greasy locks on your conversation partner and not wonder when the hell the last time they showered was. Perhaps we can also kill the super skinny jeans, plaid shirts and two sizes too small hoodies while we’re already in the fashion graveyard, Pete? Thhhhaaanks.

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson on the Streets of NYC

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I have to admit that Pete Wentz isn’t half as fun to write stories about since he stopped talking about his sex life every 20 minutes.  This new, more restrained rocker dude is a real snore.

Pete was out and about last night taking his emaciated looking wife Ashlee for a walk.  Actually, they were headed to the restaurant Angels & Kings — a hot spot that I’ve been wanting to call “Angels & Demons” every single time I’ve tried to write this story.

In a totally random and unrelated vein, the paps also took pics of Cameron Diaz on the same stretch of street.  When did she go from “cute surfer chick” to “lady who attends Botox parties”?