According to the National Enquirer:

“Owen wanted the freedom to do what he wanted with his friends, both male and female, while remaining a family unit with Jade and the baby,’ an insider told the National Enquirer. ‘But Jade wasn’t willing to go along with that, so Owen decided to end things with her instead of cheating behind her back.”

Of all the sleazy, disgusting things I’ve heard: Owen Wilson doesn’t want to get married because he wants the freedom to be able to sleep with other women. I mean, hey. That’s cool, Owen. I’m sure there’s a ton of women out there willing to take on your myriad emotional issues and substance abuse problems, so have at it. All you need to do is alienate the woman who took a chance on your ass and had a child with you and there you have it: pure Wedding Crashers-esque gold. Just … not as funny or entertaining.

Of course, as the sourced information is out of the Enquirer, it might be a stretch, but I can totally see it happening. A lot of people tend to forget where they came from and I definitely can see Owen Wilson getting up on his haughty horse to be one of them, don’t you?

Ah, something I can totally get behind: this movie and the pics from the Cannes photocall. And also, Rachel McAdams‘ backside. I could get behind that, too. I mean, I don’t have the equipment to really do anything back there and I wouldn’t even if I did, ’cause I don’t go that way, but since I just adore her so much I’d probably at least sniff her hair a few times. I know that probably sounds pretty weird, but I’m one of those smell-oriented people who relates pretty much every major event (and even non-major ones) to a certain scent.

Another thing I could get behind? Adrien Brody‘s massive hands. I’ve got this thing about big hands, and getting behind those of Adrien Brody’s? Sweet mother of cornbread. I’d die a fulfilled and whole girl.

Scarlett Johansson, Sean Penn and Owen Wilson went for a run together yesterday and there are several things we can take from the paparazzi photos:

1) Scar and Sean are still going strong. Gross.

2) Even one of the world’s most beautiful women can do herself a disservice by dawning workout wear that’s too tight and finger shoes.

3) Owen Wilson just can’t keep up.

Anything else worth noting?

So apparently, Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams – the love interests on gut-bustingly-funny Wedding Crashers – have reunited for a new Woody Allen movie, Midnight in Paris. The film portrays an engaged couple on holiday in Paris, who end up spending their time doing drastically different things than they planned.

The movie stars both Wilson and McAdams, and also includes Kathy Bates AND ADRIEN BRODY. I’m already totally taken with this movie – I mean, as if it didn’t already have a fucking zillion elements that would totally attract me to it: Wedding Crashers might have been one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen and Owen Wilson is fabulous; Rachel McAdams is my number one girl-crush, and ADRIEN BRODY. Well. You guys know how I feel about him – my one, unrequited, untouchable love.

I’m totally sold. Woody Allen can, generally, suck my ass (especially for not running Adrien in the trailer), but this movie? I’ll definitely be seeing. And probably owning at some point, too.

And come on, show of hands: who, like me, thought that Owen Wilson was still stuck in a seedy two-room apartment somewhere in LA, lamenting his days of better roles than those starring alongside Reese Witherspoon in crappy rom-coms, and all crazy, unshaven, and unstable?

However, unless he broke out of his emotional fugue long enough to impregnate a woman that I have never heard of just to retreat back to said bedbug-infested hovel, we are mistaken - Wilson, who has been dating Jade Duell for a year, has paid his rep to announce that the couple is having a child. Like, probably this week sometime.  It’s supposedly happening this fast.

So wow. OK.  Owen Wilson, a dad. It’s cool, I suppose I can get with it. I mean, it definitely beats the hell out of being all crazy and suicidal, you know? Plus, he didn’t get his nose fixed. And I think that counts for, like, everything.

Sorry to piss on your parade, but I’ve always said it’s better to be pissed off about something than pissed on because Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller can’t act their way out of a velvet haute couture bag.

Actually, I’m a big fan of both Wilson and Stiller, but I thought Zoolander was complete crap. All of that stupid “blue steel” business and kissy-facing … It was just brutal. And while I didn’t even think that the original would do as well as say, a sequel, it was evidently on the menu to be served up like the steaming pile of shit that it probably would have been anyway.

Ben Stiller has come forth on his Twitter, all but nixing the entire idea of a sequel:

Ron Burgundy and Derek Zoolander looking to appear in sequels. Both men destitute, without means or intellect to fund their own comebacks.

It’s alright, Ben. You’re still married to the super-hot Christine Taylor. And Owen … well, hell. You’ll always have Wedding Crashers and Vince Vaughn.