Apparently Nick Jonas can still draw a crowd – his recent performance at a Microsoft store had tons and tons of squeeing, swooning young women, and what trendy trendsetter would be complete without his very own rendition of a popular Lady Gaga song?

What do you guys think?

Looks like Nick (the youngest Jonas I think?) has latched onto some seriously hot vadge. Delta Goodrem, who I had to Google, is an Australian performer who most famously dated some dude from some band called ‘Westlife.’ She’s apparently pretty big in Australia, and she’s really, really hot.  Anyway, these two guys are dating, and even though Nick is not even 19 yet and Delta is 26, they seem to have a whole lot in common (mainly that whole ‘pretty’ thing). You go, Nick!

I don’t know a whole lot about the Jonas brothers except that they were all on Camp Rock, which, incidentally, I LOVED, and one of them was close to Demi Lovato for a point in time, but … Wait. You say he’s NOT who everyone thought was the gay one? There’s one worse than him at trying to hide their true feelings? … Oh I have GOT to see this.

I am not going to pretend for a second that I don’t care about this. Not for one hot second.

Last night I was getting pretty deep into Twitter (I’m snowed in back east at my parents’ house, OK?) and I noticed that the Bieliebers were Tweeting something about how Nick Jonas unfollowed Jasmine V. (Bieber’s ex) and then Jasmine unfollowed Selena and then Selena unfollowed Justin and then Justin unfollowed both Selena AND Jasmine (take a minute to let all that sink in if you need to).

Basically, something hella craycray went down with that whole circle of teen royalty and I’m dying to know what it is. I’ve consulted with my friends and we’re thinking it has something to do with the rumors about Justin hooking up with Miley Cyrus, but who knows? There’s so much room for deliciously inappropriate speculation here.

For those of you who’ve had better things to do than worry about this shit, Justin and Selena are almost probably definitely an item. I’m guessing that this massive unfollow party has something to do with them breaking up. One site tried to claim that the unfollows were an attempt to calm the relationship rumors, but all parties involved must have known that unfollowing is way more dramatic and eye-catching to die hard fans than just leaving things the way they are.

The comments, you guys. I know you’ve got things to say about all of this in the comments.

Kristen Stewart is currently talking to some producers and directors about the possibility of doing some theatre on London’s West End after her whole Twilight business is wrapped up.  She hasn’t decided what play she wants to be in yet, but the producers have given her some plays to peruse.  I had trepidations about this whole affair, but then I read this illuminating quote she made to Vogue:

“Unlike movie acting, you have to deliver the whole performance there and then. You live it every night.”

And now I’m completely disgusted.

This is the same issue I had with that Jonas Brother in Les Mis. I don’t care if someone started doing theatre when he was in the fucking womb and spent his infant years doing small regional theatre gigs before being the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway at the tender age of five, the minute you become someone who makes hoards of preteens obsess over you, stay out of theatre*.  You’re just going to make people who actually want to see a play pissed off because a large portion of the audience would scream when you try try to heart-wrenchingly sing “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables,” Nick Jonas.

But Kristen Stewart in a play is so much worse than Nick Jonas in a play.  Because I know that Kristen Stewart can’t act.  Not even a little bit.

*By the way, it was cool when Daniel Radcliffe did this in Equus because there weren’t tons of parents willing to take their impressionable young daughters to see some dude getting all naked and horny over a horse.

Sorry about all the theatre updates (both of them), but this is preposterous.  Nick Jonas is going to be Marius in Les Miserables on the West End.  And if those specifics don’t mean anything to you and therefore don’t make you laugh hysterically like I did, then I’ll just say a Jonas brother is doing a musical and leave it at that, and hopefully you can have a giggle.

I’m not a big fan of the JoBros, I don’t know if you could tell.  But I am a huge fan of Les Miserables, and if I got a ticket to see this show and some stalkerish preteen fangirls were all screaming for Nick Jonas while he’s trying to sing his beautiful Marius songs in Act II, I would not be pleased.  I get pissed when people text during shows, but if there were Jonas Brothers crazies next to me?  I just shudder to think, I really do.

Keep it on the Disney channel, Nick Jonas.  Keep your shit contained.

… And with his ever-present purity ring, would you expect it any other way?

Yeah. Anyway. Joe Jonas claims that he’s going to release a solo album, so it looks like the days of the JoBros are quickly coming to a close:

“There’s nothing to hide. We’re just waiting for the right timing. There’s a lot of Jonas stuff going on this year, so once there’s a place for that record, we’ll release it. You’ll hear a lot of new music from us.”

See, when I was a much younger girl, I loved Hanson. I mean, I fucking loved Hanson. I was one of those pathetic little fangirls that’d get all crazy when I saw televised appearances of the flaxen-haired singing trio and I’d cry if I’d see them in person (which I did, many, many times). I was sick; it was a sickness. I went to their concerts, made scrapbooks of news articles that I had clipped from magazines and played their music, like, incessantly. It was bad, and it’s embarrassing now, but I can really feel for the girls who are so wrapped on the Jonas thing — it’d be like Isaac (yeah, my totally favorite dorky-assed Hanson that I so would have married at the age of thirteen) announcing that he was leaving the band back in 1995 or whatever. I’d have been devastated, so I totally feel you kids of today’s world. I feel you.