Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Movies

The ‘Jurassic World’ trailer is here and I’m not sure how I feel about it

jurassic world

Look, Jurassic Park was an absolute CLASSIC, guys. I loved it, you loved it – I don’t know anyone who didn’t love it. So popular was the dinosaur movie that DJs even made techno remixes of the theme song! It was a glorious time to be alive.

However, like most good things, they must all come to an end. Unfortunately, studio execs are greedy as shit and don’t know when to call it quits, so they keep making sequel after sequel, each installment of which is progressively shittier, and it’s embarrassing for everyone. Is that the case with Jurassic World? Eh, I’m not sure yet.

The technology for special effects has certainly got better since Jurassic Park 3 or whatever that disaster was called, and this one has Chris Pratt, and he’s all the rage right now, so I suppose it has that going for it, but like… really? You had THREE major fucking disasters with your experiment of bringing back dinosaurs and you’re seriously opening a THEME PARK for a shit ton of adults and kids to come to and get up close and personal with these things? You’re REALLY going to create a “hybrid” dinosaur, which is OBVIOUSLY going to get out and kill everyone? REALLY? I mean, I know it’s suspension of disbelief and all, but…

really

What do you think? Will you see it? I mean, all bullshit aside, I will be on this like white on rice, despite its ridiculousness.

Here’s your new ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ trailer

fifty shades of grey trailer

Is it 50 Shades of Grey? Fifty Shades of Grey? I prefer the former but I’ve seen the latter a lot lately, so we’re going to switch things up a bit. However you prefer to stylize your numbers, one thing is for certain: that shitty Twilight fanfiction turned hit book series and now soon to be movie has released a new trailer that’s sure to get you ladies as wet as the Sahara down below. Seriously, take a look:

Okay, so let me get this right. Christian Grey is a sexual predator who is basically a total control freak and kind of an asshole, but hey, it’s okay – she likes it. She just never knew she could like it so much. Hurts so good, etc, right? I mean, this is fucking AWFUL. That’s not to say that S&M is awful, or that people can’t have whatever type of relationship they damn well want to have so long as it’s two consenting adults, but like… really? Really with this?

That being said, I will probably be forced to see this garbage, so I’d better try and warm to it now, I suppose.

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What Do We Think Of Johnny Depp’s New Look?

johnny-depp-wolf

Johnny Depp can’t seem to make a movie unless he’s wearing a stupid outfit. Case in point, his latest getup for Disney’s Into the Woods, in which he plays the Big Bad Wolf, but looks like a Big Bad Pimp (above).

I mean, honestly, what is this? It’s so ridiculous it’s making me angry. I’ve just had it with Mr. Amber Heard‘s whimsy.

ANYWAY, there are three other covers of additional Into the Woods characters, including Meryl Streep as “The Witch.” It’s just as ridiculous. She looks like the enchanted tree from Pocahontas. (Yeah yeah yeah, I’m grumpy today.) Check ‘em out below.

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‘Sex and the City 3′ might be happening, says Jennifer Hudson

jennifer hudson sex and the city

In today’s “Why, God, Why?” news, Jennifer Hudson says that we may all be tormented with a THIRD Sex and the City movie. Because the first two weren’t disastrous enough, they might somehow waste a few more million bucks by making another installment. Oh, brother.

From Dish Nation:

“I think it might be [happening],” the Oscar winner said when asked if there will be a ‘Sex and the City 3.’

“Somebody just came to me talking about that. So if it’s in the talks, it might happen. So look for it. ”

“Look for Louise from St. Louis!” Hudson told Dish Nation.

Chatter of ‘Sex and the City 3? has been circulating but all of the stars involved have stayed mum on whether or not it will happen, including Parker who said in June, “We’ve never really had real conversation about it, other than that I know there is a story. I think it’s a really lovely, wonderful story but whether or not we tell it remains to be seen.”

I hope it stays that way – remaining to be seen, never actually being seen. We do not need another movie. These women are ready to settle down, not trying to pretend they’re still hitting up the NYC singles scene. Just no. Enough is enough – and that’s saying something, because I was a big fan of the original series.

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Adam Sandler is making four new movies for Netflix

adam sandler

I’m going to say something (else) that’s probably going to be really unpopular: Adam Sandler sucks. He’s not funny, his movies are awful, and the entertainment industry would march on just fine if he decided to retire tomorrow. I actively avoid anything he’s involved in (though obviously I have seen the “classics” like Happy Gilmore and Big Daddy and the like), so I have zero interest in the four new movies he’s making for Netflix. I guess if you can’t make bank in theatres, go to VOD?

“?People love Adam’?s films on Netflix and often watch them again and again,” Netflix chief content officer Ted Sarandos said in a statement released online. “His appeal spans across viewers of all ages — everybody has a favorite movie, everyone has a favorite line — not just in the U.S. but all over the world.”

“?When these fine people came to me with an offer to make four movies for them, I immediately said ‘yes’ for one reason and one reason only?,” Sandler said in a statement released by the company. “Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks. Let the streaming begin!!!!?”

Uh…

Okay, I’ll just leave that one alone.

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Reese Witherspoon is all about the raw sex scenes

reese witherspoon vogue

Reese Witherspoon is starring in Wild, which is based on Cheryl Strayed’s memoir Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. If you haven’t read it, it’s about a woman who goes on a journey of self-discovery following her mother’s death. It can be quite a deep film at times, and it includes some more intense sex scenes that Reese wanted to be totally real and raw because she’s a Very Serious Actress.

From Vogue:

“When people underestimate me, it’s actually a comfortable place for me,” she says. “ ‘Oh, that’s what you think I am; well, no, I’m not.’ I’m a complex human being. I have many different shades.”

The film is unflinching in its portrayal of the bottom Strayed hit after the death of her mother, dabbling with heroin and embarking on a string of one-night stands as if trying to awaken her grief-numbed senses. Witherspoon knew no studio would let her go there. “I just didn’t want to hear, ‘Oh, we don’t want to see Reese have sex. . . . Oh, can we not have any profanity?’ ” says Witherspoon. “I wanted it to be truthful, I wanted it to be raw, I wanted it to be real.”

Well, okay. Apparently Reese hired a hypnotist to help her lose herself during her sex scenes, which… I don’t really get, but whatever floats your boat.

reese witherspoon

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