Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Movies

Here’s the trailer for ‘Pan’

Pan 2015 poster

You can’t beat Hugh Jackman as Blackbeard – he looks insane and I love it. Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily is a bit of a weird casting choice, but I’ll take it. Garrett Hedlund as Hook, well… whatever. Basically, what I’m saying is that I’m a sucker for special effects and kids’ stories, so I’ll watch this (i.e. torrent it when it’s out – I would never pay for this) even if it’s shit, which it probably will be. This is the movie Cara Delevingne is making her acting debut in, keep in mind.

Also, it’s kinda bizarre that they’re painting Peter Pan to be some wonderful hero – in the actual story, he was a sadistic freak who needed some serious therapy and locking up, most likely, but I guess this can be called “a twists” on the original?

Anyhow, here we go…

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The ‘Jurassic World’ trailer is here and I’m not sure how I feel about it

jurassic world

Look, Jurassic Park was an absolute CLASSIC, guys. I loved it, you loved it – I don’t know anyone who didn’t love it. So popular was the dinosaur movie that DJs even made techno remixes of the theme song! It was a glorious time to be alive.

However, like most good things, they must all come to an end. Unfortunately, studio execs are greedy as shit and don’t know when to call it quits, so they keep making sequel after sequel, each installment of which is progressively shittier, and it’s embarrassing for everyone. Is that the case with Jurassic World? Eh, I’m not sure yet.

The technology for special effects has certainly got better since Jurassic Park 3 or whatever that disaster was called, and this one has Chris Pratt, and he’s all the rage right now, so I suppose it has that going for it, but like… really? You had THREE major fucking disasters with your experiment of bringing back dinosaurs and you’re seriously opening a THEME PARK for a shit ton of adults and kids to come to and get up close and personal with these things? You’re REALLY going to create a “hybrid” dinosaur, which is OBVIOUSLY going to get out and kill everyone? REALLY? I mean, I know it’s suspension of disbelief and all, but…

really

What do you think? Will you see it? I mean, all bullshit aside, I will be on this like white on rice, despite its ridiculousness.

Here’s your new ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ trailer

fifty shades of grey trailer

Is it 50 Shades of Grey? Fifty Shades of Grey? I prefer the former but I’ve seen the latter a lot lately, so we’re going to switch things up a bit. However you prefer to stylize your numbers, one thing is for certain: that shitty Twilight fanfiction turned hit book series and now soon to be movie has released a new trailer that’s sure to get you ladies as wet as the Sahara down below. Seriously, take a look:

Okay, so let me get this right. Christian Grey is a sexual predator who is basically a total control freak and kind of an asshole, but hey, it’s okay – she likes it. She just never knew she could like it so much. Hurts so good, etc, right? I mean, this is fucking AWFUL. That’s not to say that S&M is awful, or that people can’t have whatever type of relationship they damn well want to have so long as it’s two consenting adults, but like… really? Really with this?

That being said, I will probably be forced to see this garbage, so I’d better try and warm to it now, I suppose.

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What Do We Think Of Johnny Depp’s New Look?

johnny-depp-wolf

Johnny Depp can’t seem to make a movie unless he’s wearing a stupid outfit. Case in point, his latest getup for Disney’s Into the Woods, in which he plays the Big Bad Wolf, but looks like a Big Bad Pimp (above).

I mean, honestly, what is this? It’s so ridiculous it’s making me angry. I’ve just had it with Mr. Amber Heard‘s whimsy.

ANYWAY, there are three other covers of additional Into the Woods characters, including Meryl Streep as “The Witch.” It’s just as ridiculous. She looks like the enchanted tree from Pocahontas. (Yeah yeah yeah, I’m grumpy today.) Check ‘em out below.

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‘Sex and the City 3′ might be happening, says Jennifer Hudson

jennifer hudson sex and the city

In today’s “Why, God, Why?” news, Jennifer Hudson says that we may all be tormented with a THIRD Sex and the City movie. Because the first two weren’t disastrous enough, they might somehow waste a few more million bucks by making another installment. Oh, brother.

From Dish Nation:

“I think it might be [happening],” the Oscar winner said when asked if there will be a ‘Sex and the City 3.’

“Somebody just came to me talking about that. So if it’s in the talks, it might happen. So look for it. ”

“Look for Louise from St. Louis!” Hudson told Dish Nation.

Chatter of ‘Sex and the City 3? has been circulating but all of the stars involved have stayed mum on whether or not it will happen, including Parker who said in June, “We’ve never really had real conversation about it, other than that I know there is a story. I think it’s a really lovely, wonderful story but whether or not we tell it remains to be seen.”

I hope it stays that way – remaining to be seen, never actually being seen. We do not need another movie. These women are ready to settle down, not trying to pretend they’re still hitting up the NYC singles scene. Just no. Enough is enough – and that’s saying something, because I was a big fan of the original series.

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Adam Sandler is making four new movies for Netflix

adam sandler

I’m going to say something (else) that’s probably going to be really unpopular: Adam Sandler sucks. He’s not funny, his movies are awful, and the entertainment industry would march on just fine if he decided to retire tomorrow. I actively avoid anything he’s involved in (though obviously I have seen the “classics” like Happy Gilmore and Big Daddy and the like), so I have zero interest in the four new movies he’s making for Netflix. I guess if you can’t make bank in theatres, go to VOD?

“?People love Adam’?s films on Netflix and often watch them again and again,” Netflix chief content officer Ted Sarandos said in a statement released online. “His appeal spans across viewers of all ages — everybody has a favorite movie, everyone has a favorite line — not just in the U.S. but all over the world.”

“?When these fine people came to me with an offer to make four movies for them, I immediately said ‘yes’ for one reason and one reason only?,” Sandler said in a statement released by the company. “Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks. Let the streaming begin!!!!?”

Uh…

Okay, I’ll just leave that one alone.

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