2Miley Cyrus Wants To Show Off Her Engagement Ring, Not Her Tits

Oh, sweet little Miley Cyrus. Her engagement to Liam Hemsworth is all but over, but you’ll have to pry that ring off her cold, dead hand if you think she’s taking it off. No, she’s sticking to that relationship like glue and wants you to know that Liam hasn’t officially handed her a pink slip just yet.

From Elle UK (via USWeekly): 

“We have a house together and dogs. It just seems right to be wearing this ring and to be committed,” she says. “But we keep our relationship low-key and don’t talk about it any more.”

“We were too nice to the world and gave them too much insight — into my life and my puppies and my house – and I just don’t feel they get that privilege any more,” Cyrus explains. “Like on my Twitter, I’m much more . . . not conservative, but you don’t see a picture of my dogs. You don’t get that personal stuff any more.”

Girl, there’s no sense in being committed to a relationship that’s over and foolishly thinking that there’s some way it’ll work out. It never happens. Still, she’d rather spend her time wrapping herself in Liam wedding fantasies than stripping down in order to advance her career (or so she says):

“A star is someone who doesn’t have to take her clothes off to be sexy because you naturally have star power,” Cyrus said.

“Sex does sell, but you have to find a way that’s not just showing your tits. I don’t want to be a glorified model. They just walk on stage and it’s all about their clothes – or lack of clothes.”

Let’s be honest, here – when’s the last time Miley even walked on a stage? Get it together, girl. That all being said, I actually don’t mind Miley. She’s one of the least annoying, least offensive stars in her age bracket out there right now, so do your thing.

April 29, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

4People Really Want To Believe That January Jones And Liam Hemsworth Are A Thing

Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth, and January Jones are apparently all part of one big crazy super secret love triangle. This whole thing started at an Oscar party, where January Jones and Liam Hemsworth flirted and then allegedly left the party together, though honestly that doesn’t even look like him the car, but whatever. People started saying that he and Miley were done. Then they started saying that Mr. H was flirting with someone at the party but that it was Emma Watson. Then break-up rumors start happening. Miley and Mr. Hemsworth insist that they are still getting married. Then Miley’s stupid dad says on national TV that he’s not sure if their wedding will actually happen.

I am really, really hungry.

Anyway here are some new “reports” as brought to you by Entertainmentwise:

The couple sparked rumours of a fling after they were spotted leaving a party together in February and now, two months later, have been accused of contacting each other behind the back of the Hannah Montana star.

“Miley couldn’t believe it!” a source reportedly told the National Enqurier. “As if the embarrassment over Liam’s fling with January wasn’t bad enough, to find out that he’s still in touch with her is pretty much the nail in the coffin as far as their rela­tionship is concerned.”

No way in hell any of this is true. No chance Liam Hemsworth ever texted January Jones. If he did, it went like this:

LIAM HEMSWORTH: hey
JANUARY JONES: Hi?
HEMSWORTH: sup ;)
JONES: Who is this?
HEMSWORTH: liam, yo
JONES: …who?
HEMSWORTH: wait, who is this
JONES: Who is this?
HEMSWORTH: i think i got the wrong # lol

If this rumors are true, however, I will be very entertained.

April 18, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

2Miley’s Dad Is Being A Real Downer About Her Wedding

Miley Cyrus swears that she and Liam Hemsworth are going to marry, but her dad Billy Ray has some doubts. The totally unsupportive and fame mongering father said in an interview with ABC News yesterday,

I don’t know [if they'll get married]. I know as I was writing a book, I wanted to keep that particular moment [Miley’s wedding] as open-ended as possible. I didn’t know the answer.

They’re young, they’re kids, the great news is they’re great friends, they’re really good friends.

I play it by ear, I know whatever’s meant to be that’s the way it’s going to happen.

The hell? Way to go dad. I’m sure Miley is going to be real psyched to hear that you said this on a major network, all while promoting your book. Get back to hunting UFOs and shit.

I don’t give a f-ck if they get married or not, but don’t use your daughter’s engagement to sell your shitty book no one cares about.

April 16, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

9Miley And Snoop Lion Produce Something Your Ears Hear

Miley Cyrus and Snoop Lion’s single, “Ashtrays and Heartbreaks” is online today. It hits new heights of autotune. It’s so extreme Miley sounds like Rihanna. But it’s catchy. It’s fun. It’s whatever. Sorry Miley, but it didn’t shut me up. Here are some sample lyrics:

Tonight there’s gonna be a whole lot of smoke in the air
Blow it hard for the ones who aren’t here

and

Ashtrays and heartbreaks I lost some (can’t understand any of this shit here) so (again can’t understand this shit) you’re gone but you’re never missed…fill up all those ashtrays.

I’m guessing the ashtrays are a metaphor for something.

Ms. Cyrus really wants us all to focus on her music right now and not anything else, so go for it. What do you think of “Ashtrays and Heartbreaks”?

April 3, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

4Miley Cyrus Is Pissed Off at the Idiots Who Say She’s Hanging Out With Nick Jonas

Miley Cyrus is really mad at all you idiots out there suggesting that she’s hanging out with ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas again, ‘cos she’s totally not, OKAY? In the midst of all these “Will she or won’t she marry Liam Hemsworth?” reports, she was apparently spotted with Mr. Ball Gag‘s brother out and about in Los Angeles and felt the need to hit up Twitter and tell everyone off for being wrong.

“I literally haven’t seen Nick Jonas in years. Don’t believe everything you read folks. Why are magazines allowed to publish straight bullshit. Look at my profile pic [which shows my engagement ring]. Look at my finger. Idiots.

“I couldn’t have ‘ran’ into anyone because I haven’t went to eat out in public in weeks because of the amount of paparazzi outside my house #shorthairrepunzel.”

She later deleted the messages and just left the following, but here’s my question: What the hell kind of hash tag is #shorthairrepunzel and why is she using it? If there’s one thing anyone with sense knows, it’s that you don’t try to give yourself a nickname. And also, Rapunzel is not only spelled incorrectly, but also, she’s known for her long hair and by being the “short hair” version of her, you’re… not Rapunzel at all. Anything that would have made you Rapunzel is no longer there.

I probably shouldn’t think so hard about this.

March 29, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

5Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth Are Still Getting Married, Y’All!

Just when it seemed like Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth were over, an “insider” has come out of the woodwork to assure the press that Liam’s back after f-cking off to Australia to get away from her and their wedding is back on!

From E Online:

With Hemsworth back in Los Angeles after spending most of the month in Australia, a source exclusively tells E! News that the constant media scrutiny of their relationship “has caused a lot of stress” for the couple.

“There are some serious problems going on, but seeing them together, they do genuinely love each other and they really do want to work it out,” the source assures.

I mean, on one hand, good for them for working it out. On another hand, who the hell cares? This wedding is not going to happen, and if it does, Miley and Liam will be in divorce court a year later, 18th months at most.

March 26, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer