Well, I know this is a couple days old, but I was waiting for more hell to break loose and it hasn’t, really. Anyway, it looks like there might be trouble in paradise for Miley Cyrus and boyfriend Patrick Schwarzenegger. Just months after they got together to form a blissful union of youthful souls, Patrick has been photographed cosying up to another girl while he was partying in Cabo San Lucas for spring break. Uh oh. Here are photos of the alleged homewrecker:
Of course, Patrick’s got an answer for the pics. I mean, he’d NEVER cheat on Miley – this girl is totally just his friend! One of his best friends, at that! It’s totally normal for girls and guys to embrace romantically and for the girl to go in for a kiss when they’re just friends!
Ya, okay. BULLSHIT. Miley is staying silent on this one, but hopefully she gives his dumb ass the boot, unless they’ve decided to be swingers, which I wouldn’t put past them.
I know I’m late on the uptake here, but I’m a busy lady so I only watched the SNL 40 special yesterday on Hulu+ (newsflash: it kinda sucked). The best thing about the show was Miley Cyrus – a sentence I never thought I’d utter – and her performance of ’50 Ways to Leave Your Lover’.
This performance was really, REALLY good. In fact, it’s way better than any of her other shit from the last album, or anything before that, either. It’s mature, it’s unique, it’s… actually impressive. Why won’t she make a whole country album with a slight pop tinge like this? Why, Miley?
What did you guys think of the performance (and the SNL special in general)? I mean, sure, it relived some of the funniest moments, but it felt SO overcrowded, rushed and forced. I wasn’t really into it.
It’s been several weeks since Miley Cyrus reminded us how ~edgy~ and ~sexy~ she is, so it’s only natural that she created a short film, of sorts, that she submitted to the NYC Porn Film Festival, which is apparently a thing. In the video, called “Tongue-Tied”, Miley does weird, S&M-ish shit clad in patent leather, wears electrical tape over her nipples and dances while an Alt-J track plays in the background. It’s all very avant garde, I suppose – at least according to the festival’s founder, Simon Leahy, who thinks that the clip proves that Miley is becoming “more of a contemporary artist”. LOL, okay.
The video is, of course, NSFW – you’ve been warned:
“Literally, I just had this conversation, I can’t tell you,” the 22-year-old said.
“Apparently there’s not a T in it.”
Good lord. Papa Schwarzenegger doesn’t mind; apparently, they met up and he thinks she’s just great:
She met Patrick’s dad Arnold Schwarzenegger over the holidays, and he said to have been “thrilled” to meet her.
I’ll grant her, Schwarzenegger isn’t the easiest name to spell — I used to struggle with it before writing for Evil Beet — but why on earth would you admit that on TV??? You’re dating the guy and you can’t spell his last name? What a ninny.
Without thinking about it, can YOU spell “Schwarzenegger”?
Guys, you know how ~shocking~ and ~edgy~ Miley Cyrus is, so perhaps it makes sense that she would Instagram a picture of herself with her hands down her pants, declaring her love of masturbation. Seems totally in line with Miley as a human being, right?
Of course, her caption – “A masturbate a day keeps the haters away” – leaves a bit desired. A masturbate a day keeps the stress away, sure. It keeps the sexual frustration away, you bet. But the haters? How, exactly, does an orgasm keep haters away? Is it the stress relief that puts you in the frame of mind to just ignore the haters? Or is she implying that haters literally stop hating when you masturbate? The mind boggles. truly.
This post comes with a serious “NSFW” flag, because indeed, the new photos published in V Magazine are polaroids from Miley Cyrus herself, in which she’s not just a little bit naked, but completely and utterly nude as the day she was born. Of course, this is meant to be shocking and crazy, but Miley took these herself with her best friend because she’s such a ~free spirit~ and V published them because how the hell else are they going to sell copies?
Of course, Miley being naked is old hat now. She’s still trying really hard to prove how much she’s not like Hannah Montana in real life, which… girl, we know. We get it. Message received. Enough is enough.
I don’t think there’s much sense in asking what the hell is going on with Miley Cyrus here, to be honest. It’s just what she does. Of course she would put on a demented, half-naked elf outfit, carry a purse that says “I have no tits” and look like a walking bad acid trip. We’re all on board with it.
The lovely photo above was taken from Wayne Coyne‘s art gallery party in Oklahoma City, but that ain’t all! Miley also wore glittery weed leaves on her boobs, kissed girls and basically acted like a smacked ass, as per usual. Here are a few more photos:
Wow, that… looks like fun, I guess? Frankly, I really don’t know what the hell goes on with Miley and Wayne Coyne but it’s all a bit strange for my taste.