Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus loves to masturbate

miley cyrus

Guys, you know how ~shocking~ and ~edgy~ Miley Cyrus is, so perhaps it makes sense that she would Instagram a picture of herself with her hands down her pants, declaring her love of masturbation. Seems totally in line with Miley as a human being, right?

Of course, her caption – “A masturbate a day keeps the haters away” – leaves a bit desired. A masturbate a day keeps the stress away, sure. It keeps the sexual frustration away, you bet. But the haters? How, exactly, does an orgasm keep haters away? Is it the stress relief that puts you in the frame of mind to just ignore the haters? Or is she implying that haters literally stop hating when you masturbate? The mind boggles. truly.

a masturbate a day keeps the haters away

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

To be honest, I’m a little exasperated with this nonsense. We get it, Miley. You’re a sexual creature who “can’t be tamed”. We’ve all got the message… repeatedly.

But what the hey, it’s Friday. Let’s discuss!

How often do you masturbate?
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Miley Cyrus took some naked pics for V Magazine

miley cyrus

This post comes with a serious “NSFW” flag, because indeed, the new photos published in V Magazine are polaroids from Miley Cyrus herself, in which she’s not just a little bit naked, but completely and utterly nude as the day she was born. Of course, this is meant to be shocking and crazy, but Miley took these herself with her best friend because she’s such a ~free spirit~ and V published them because how the hell else are they going to sell copies?

Of course, Miley being naked is old hat now. She’s still trying really hard to prove how much she’s not like Hannah Montana in real life, which… girl, we know. We get it. Message received. Enough is enough.

Anyhow, you were warned…

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Miley Cyrus celebrates Christmas in a rather interesting way

miley cyrus

I don’t think there’s much sense in asking what the hell is going on with Miley Cyrus here, to be honest. It’s just what she does. Of course she would put on a demented, half-naked elf outfit, carry a purse that says “I have no tits” and look like a walking bad acid trip. We’re all on board with it.

The lovely photo above was taken from Wayne Coyne‘s art gallery party in Oklahoma City, but that ain’t all! Miley also wore glittery weed leaves on her boobs, kissed girls and basically acted like a smacked ass, as per usual. Here are a few more photos:

miley cyrus kiss

miley cyrus party

Wow, that… looks like fun, I guess? Frankly, I really don’t know what the hell goes on with Miley and Wayne Coyne but it’s all a bit strange for my taste.

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Maria Shriver is really concered about Miley Cyrus dating her son

miley cyrus patrick schwarzenegger

Miley Cyrus has wormed her way into the heart – and trousers, no doubt – of Patrick Schwarzenegger. Unfortunately, there’s one person who’s not too happy about this union, and that’s Patrick’s mother, Maria Shriver. In fact, she’s “deeply worried” that the weed and dildo loving chanteuse (lol) is involved with her son and doesn’t know what to make of the whole thing.

From Hollywood Life:

“It is beyond true that Maria Shriver disapproves of the relationship that Patrick is starting with Miley. She is so controlling when it comes to the image of the family and this is eating her up inside.”

“She is getting some support from other family members as well, but she isn’t getting the same support from Arnold because Arnold is happy with whatever Patrick gets himself into in the girls department.”

“She fully believes that you become who you surround yourself with and she’s always been so happy with the friends Patrick chooses,” the source added about Shiver’s sentiments. “She never saw this coming.”

“The birthday party with all the penis pictures disgusted her. Maria is very, very worried about the influence Miley’s having on Patrick.”

LOL, huh. I mean, look – Miley is a hot mess. She’s trying her hardest to be white trash – and that’s not me slandering her, that’s me giving the girl the title she wants and is adopting purposely. But at the end of the day, she’s rich, she’s employed, she doesn’t have a criminal record. Is she really all that bad or is she “just being Miley”? Chill out, Mom.

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Young celebrities are richer than ever

justin bieber

Forbes released their annual list of the highest earning celebrities under the age of 30 this week, and perhaps unsurprisingly, they’re mostly all pop stars. They base the list off of their Celebrity 100 list and research they gathered to put that one together, so without further ado, prepare to cry yourself to sleep over your stack of student loans and leftover Thanksgiving food tonight as you realize just how much money these young people have and how much you (we) don’t:

1. Justin Bieber, age 20, $80 million
2. One Direction, average age 21, $75 million
3. Taylor Swift, age 24, $64 million
4. Bruno Mars, age 29, $60 million
5. Rihanna, age 26, $48 million
6. Miley Cyrus, age 21, $36 million
7. Jennifer Lawrence, age 24, $34 million
8. Lady Gaga, age 28, $33 million
9. Avicii, age 25, $28 million
10. Skrillex, age 26, $18 million

Please tell me how on God’s green earth SKRILLEX made $18 million. Like, how is that just? How is it even possible? My mind is blown. Avicii is another surprise. I know people were nuts about ‘Wake Me Up’ and ‘Hey, Brother’… but $28 million worth of crazy? I mean, damn.

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Demi Lovato has “nothing in common” with Miley Cyrus

demi lovato miley cyrus
Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato used to be BFF growing up. As Disney stars, they hung out in the same circles and helped each other navigate such extreme fame at a young age. So are they still friends? Eh, not really – and Demi shed some light on why not during an appearance on Boston’s The TJ Show, when a caller asked her about their relationship.

From US Weekly:

One caller asked Lovato whether she and Cyrus were still pals, which was followed by an awkward response from the “Heart Attack” singer. After a long pause, Lovato responded: “Umm, yeah… that. We’re like, acquaintances.”

The Sonny With a Chance star, 22, then attempted to explain why she and the former Hannah Montana actress had drifted away from each other. “Yeah, it’s life and people change,” Lovato reasoned. “And you, know, I don’t have anything in common with her anymore, and I wish her all the best.”

Huh, you mean you don’t like weed and dildos? BORING!

In all seriousness, people just grow apart. How many of your childhood friends are you still BFF with as adults? None for me – though I do still occasionally speak to one or two, not that we have anything in common anymore. Much ado about nothing, here – Miley isn’t a lot of people’s cup of tea.

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Miley Cyrus celebrated her 22nd birthday with weed and dildos

miley cyrus

Miley Cyrus turned 22 on Sunday, and she decided to use this weekend as one massive celebration – a celebration that included weed, dildos, pizza and her new boyfriend Patrick Schwarzenegger. This whole shindig – which is migraine-inducing just to look at – was held at the Factory Nightclub in Los Angeles and, well… I don’t even think I need to say much about this. I’ll let the photos speak for themselves. Don’t you wish you were there?

#happybirthdaymileycyrus #happybirthdaymiley #patrickschwerzinger #patley #mileycyrus

A photo posted by ????Persian Smilers???? (@mileycyrvs_iran) on

Jesus, I’m exhausted now.

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