Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Michael Jackson

Maybe Dr. Conrad Murray Won’t Be Charged With Murder After All

I cannot believe it took an astounding 60 days before I could report this news to you, but as expected, the King of Pop is alive!  The person who submitted this totally conclusive video also sent along the following statement:

This video shows that Michael was still alive after his dead body was transported to the Los Angeles Dept. of Coroner I checked the license plate number and it looks like the King of Pop is jumping out of the same van, his dead body has been in. I got the original video tape from a trustworthy source. I know him for years. And I am sure it´s real and Michael is alive. 

Now, I can’t confirm this, but I hear that after Michael entered the building he met up with Elvis for some coffee and a donut so they could compare their faked deaths.  And their prescriptions.

I Hope You’re Sitting Down

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The results of Michael Jackson’s autopsy have been leaked.  Cause of death?  Murder by ingestion of a lethal combination of drugs.  Shocking, I know.

Because the coroner’s office hasn’t made an official statement, the source spoke under the condition of anonymity.  He said that propofol as well as two other sedatives were found in Jackson’s bloodstream.  They would have been administered in the hours preceeding his death by Dr. Conrad Murray.  The affadavit also states that the propofol wasn’t ordered or received by Murray; he discovered it at Michael’s home.

Listen, there is no way Dr. Conrad Murray will be charged with murder.  I don’t think prosecutors have a case based on intent to end Michael Jackson’s life.  This will end at worst with a manslaughter charge and a soft sentence.  And decades of speculation, whodunit books, and tacky MJ commemorative merchandise.

Michael Jackson’s Doctor Speaks Out

Dr. Conrad Murray, the dude who is under major scrutiny with the LAPD regarding the death of Michael Jackson, has finally released a statement.  Some of you young whippersnappers might not know this, but there used to be something called a press conference.  A bunch of reporters would gather with microphones and cameras whenever a notable had a statement to make.  They would record and stream to a television satellite.  No. Longer.  Now it’s all about Twitter and web cams.

Murray read off a teleprompter recorded a one-minute video that he posted on YouTube as a means of reaching out and expressing gratitude to all of his supporters while proclaiming his faith in justice.  He totally got this idea from Chris Brown and he’s about as convincing.

Good News! Michael Jackson To Be Laid To Rest Soon!

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According to Joe Jackson, his son Michael will be laid to rest at Forest Lawn Cemetery on the singer’s birthday, August 29 at 10 a.m.  I find this both poignant and creepy.  For the record, Papa Joe offered up all this info during a lunch interview in which he brought Crystal Marven.  Who is Crystal Marven?  She’s a recording artist under contract with Joe’s new label.  Always the opportunist businessman.

He also talked about the ongoing investigation of Dr. Conrad Murray.  Though he supports LAPD, he thinks Murray could be “the fall guy for a whole lot of people.”

Toxicology reports haven’t been released yet.  I’m sure the prosecutor is trying to figure a way to pin a manslaughter charge on Murray.  It’s going to be difficult, because though he admitted to administering the anesthetic Propofol, it’s going to be impossible to track down the source of all the other drugs that were swimming around in Michael’s bloodstream.  Also, the prosecution would have to prove that Dr. Murray knew that Jackson was ingesting all those other drugs.  If the LAPD has learned nothing — botched criminal cases are kinda their specialty — I hope they know not to rush their investigation.  

Though Michael will soon have a final resting place, I doubt he’ll ever rest in peace.  Like Elvis and Monroe, the circumstances surrounding his death will be re-investigated and speculated about forever.

Michael Jackson Given “Chemical Castration”

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A couple of different sites are reporting that among the potpurri of drugs found in Michael Jackson’s system were traces of Depo Provera, an intravenous birth control drug. Why would an adult male be taking birth control injections? A “well respected” doctor claims that it was to reduce Michael’s sex drive in an effort to keep him from feeling sexually attracted to children.

Dr Alimorad Farshchian claims to have given the late King of Pop the drug – Depo Provera – after he grew concerned about Jackson’s behaviour towards young boys.
The drug is usually used for birth control and restricts men’s flow of testosterone-producing brain hormones.
Dr Farshchian claims to have stepped in to help the singer when he learned about the controversial sleepovers, by prescribing him the medication, according to Britain’s Sunday Mirror newspaper.
Jackson’s official photographer between 2002 and 2006, Ian Barkley, revealed the doctor wanted to help the star, saying, “It was really Dr Farshchian, when he became aware of the sleepovers, who planted the idea in Michael’s head that he might have a problem. As a responsible doctor, Dr Farshchian thought these tendencies were something Michael might address. Dr Farshchian didn’t necessarily think there was abuse going on – but he was concerned there were inappropriate feelings towards minors which could be addressed.”

I’m not by any means an expert on birth control or sexual disorders,  but I do know a thing or two about bullshit. Considering that the originator of this story is The Mirror (not exactly a bastion of journalistic integrity) I think it’s best to reserve judgment on this one until another, more reputable source can confirm or deny it.

The Story I’ve Been Avoiding All Day

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The Jackson family was in court today and Katherine Jackson was officially named permanent guardian of Michael’s three children.  In itself, this isn’t big news.  Kelly and I have both already reported about the $4M acquisition that made bio mom Debbie Rowe a whole lot richer.  

But, similar to every episode of The Bachelor, there was a twist:  Michael’s dermatologist, Arnie Klein sent representing counsel to the courtroom today.  His attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan raised non-specific objections to the custodial arrangement.  In addition, Klein wanted a say in certain decisions regarding the children’s education and day-to-day parenting.  Since the doctor has no legal connection to the kids, his lawyer was swiftly escorted out of the room.

Doesn’t this just confirm that MJ was obviously getting so much more than skin bleach and grafts when he went to see the dermo?

Custody Settled Regarding Michael Jackson’s Children

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According to TMZ, Debbie Rowe has resolved the issues regarding custody of her children with Michael Jackson.  You’ll love this — not a penny passed hands.  *coughbullshitcough*

Rowe will retain her parental rights — good move for later down the road when her bank balance gets a little low — and Katherine Jackson will be the children’s legal guardian.  As part of the agreement, Rowe requested the participation of a psychologist who will help integrate Debbie into the lives of her kids.  She will be on a visitation schedule with them, though no details on how much visitation.