Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Michael Jackson

Good News! Michael Jackson To Be Laid To Rest Soon!


According to Joe Jackson, his son Michael will be laid to rest at Forest Lawn Cemetery on the singer’s birthday, August 29 at 10 a.m.  I find this both poignant and creepy.  For the record, Papa Joe offered up all this info during a lunch interview in which he brought Crystal Marven.  Who is Crystal Marven?  She’s a recording artist under contract with Joe’s new label.  Always the opportunist businessman.

He also talked about the ongoing investigation of Dr. Conrad Murray.  Though he supports LAPD, he thinks Murray could be “the fall guy for a whole lot of people.”

Toxicology reports haven’t been released yet.  I’m sure the prosecutor is trying to figure a way to pin a manslaughter charge on Murray.  It’s going to be difficult, because though he admitted to administering the anesthetic Propofol, it’s going to be impossible to track down the source of all the other drugs that were swimming around in Michael’s bloodstream.  Also, the prosecution would have to prove that Dr. Murray knew that Jackson was ingesting all those other drugs.  If the LAPD has learned nothing — botched criminal cases are kinda their specialty — I hope they know not to rush their investigation.  

Though Michael will soon have a final resting place, I doubt he’ll ever rest in peace.  Like Elvis and Monroe, the circumstances surrounding his death will be re-investigated and speculated about forever.

Michael Jackson Given “Chemical Castration”


A couple of different sites are reporting that among the potpurri of drugs found in Michael Jackson’s system were traces of Depo Provera, an intravenous birth control drug. Why would an adult male be taking birth control injections? A “well respected” doctor claims that it was to reduce Michael’s sex drive in an effort to keep him from feeling sexually attracted to children.

Dr Alimorad Farshchian claims to have given the late King of Pop the drug – Depo Provera – after he grew concerned about Jackson’s behaviour towards young boys.
The drug is usually used for birth control and restricts men’s flow of testosterone-producing brain hormones.
Dr Farshchian claims to have stepped in to help the singer when he learned about the controversial sleepovers, by prescribing him the medication, according to Britain’s Sunday Mirror newspaper.
Jackson’s official photographer between 2002 and 2006, Ian Barkley, revealed the doctor wanted to help the star, saying, “It was really Dr Farshchian, when he became aware of the sleepovers, who planted the idea in Michael’s head that he might have a problem. As a responsible doctor, Dr Farshchian thought these tendencies were something Michael might address. Dr Farshchian didn’t necessarily think there was abuse going on – but he was concerned there were inappropriate feelings towards minors which could be addressed.”

I’m not by any means an expert on birth control or sexual disorders,  but I do know a thing or two about bullshit. Considering that the originator of this story is The Mirror (not exactly a bastion of journalistic integrity) I think it’s best to reserve judgment on this one until another, more reputable source can confirm or deny it.

The Story I’ve Been Avoiding All Day

Joe Jackson, Randy Jackson, Katherine Jackson

The Jackson family was in court today and Katherine Jackson was officially named permanent guardian of Michael’s three children.  In itself, this isn’t big news.  Kelly and I have both already reported about the $4M acquisition that made bio mom Debbie Rowe a whole lot richer.  

But, similar to every episode of The Bachelor, there was a twist:  Michael’s dermatologist, Arnie Klein sent representing counsel to the courtroom today.  His attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan raised non-specific objections to the custodial arrangement.  In addition, Klein wanted a say in certain decisions regarding the children’s education and day-to-day parenting.  Since the doctor has no legal connection to the kids, his lawyer was swiftly escorted out of the room.

Doesn’t this just confirm that MJ was obviously getting so much more than skin bleach and grafts when he went to see the dermo?

Custody Settled Regarding Michael Jackson’s Children


According to TMZ, Debbie Rowe has resolved the issues regarding custody of her children with Michael Jackson.  You’ll love this — not a penny passed hands.  *coughbullshitcough*

Rowe will retain her parental rights — good move for later down the road when her bank balance gets a little low — and Katherine Jackson will be the children’s legal guardian.  As part of the agreement, Rowe requested the participation of a psychologist who will help integrate Debbie into the lives of her kids.  She will be on a visitation schedule with them, though no details on how much visitation.

DEA Raids Dr. Conrad Murray’s Las Vegas Office


I’m loving this shot of a DEA officer walking out of Dr. Murray’s office with folders. Why the mask and sunglasses? I betcha this guy works undercover when he’s not raiding the offices of drug-peddling doctors. Dr. Murray is the personal physician who was with Michael Jackson when he died. The DEA and the Las Vegas PD descending on his office today. They’re investigating him in connection with Michael Jackson’s death. Last week, they raided his Houston clinic.

I’m seriously kind of turned on by this officer’s whole get-up, though. I just realized that I wanna sleep with an undercover DEA officer! That’s SO SEXY! Plus: I bet he has some stellar blow.

The Best Idea I’ve Heard Since June 25, 2009

I’m relieved to hear that common sense is finally starting to prevail within the Jackson family.  According to a TMZ source, though Katherine may be awarded technical custody of Michael’s children, MJ’s sister Rebbie will be the one to actually raise them.  She lives locally, has children of her own, has been married to the same dude for 41 years, has lived a relatively scandal-free existence and isn’t selling her story to News of the World.  Oh, and she’s not 80!

Can’t we forgive her for 1984 — see above — and agree that this may be one of the most stable and normal environments for these kids to grow up in?

Better Off Dead


Actor Rupert Everett thinks Michael Jackson’s death is one of the best things that could have happened to the the freakish King of Pop.  I’m not even disrespecting the dead — these are Everett’s words:


I think it was fortuitous that he died,” he said.

“He was supposed to be doing 50 concerts in London. It wouldn’t have mattered how good or bad he was.  He wouldn’t have managed to do all of them and the press would have destroyed him.”

Rupert also claimed that it was the child molestation accusations that caused Michael’s early demise.


“He was a freak. He looked like a character from Shrek. He was a black to white minstrel,” Everett told the Daily Mirror.

“He was crucified by that court case when he was accused of child molestation – that killed him.  He personified the pain and anxiety of a black man in a slave country. We all watched as he changed from black to white. He was living performance art.”

And though he felt that Jackson was racially confused — “We’re living in very strange times. We have Michael Jackson, a black man who has gone white, and we have President Barack Obama, who is a half white man gone black. It’s absolutely fascinating to watch” — he would have bedded the pop star in a minute.  “I would have leapt at the chance of sleeping with Michael Jackson when I was 14.”

Well, what an asshole.  I’m sure Michael’s family doesn’t think that death was the best option for their son, brother and father.  I know that a major aspect of the art of celebrity is self-promotion, but there have to be more productive ways to keep in the spotlight other than verbally desecrating the dead.