Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Martha Stewart

Everybody Sexts… Including Martha Stewart

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Martha Stewart, you MINX! Appearing on Watch What Happens Live, they played a little game called ‘Did Martha Do It?’, where Maggie Gyllenhaal, who was also appearing on the show, answered questions about Martha before Martha herself confirmed whether or not Maggie was correct. Maggie said no to the sexting question, but Martha shook her head, confirming that she indeed had gotten down and dirty via text. LOVE IT.

Andy Cohen was obviously thrilled with this and joked that he was “so glad” to hear it and “that’s who those messages were from the other day”. Uh, LOL. More importantly, though, Martha hinted that she may have had a threesome before! Just what you want to think about – a 71-year-old woman having group sex. Sweet dreams! Love it! I just hope it wasn’t with Donald Trump.

Below, a little clip of Martha’s appearance (though no video yet of the ‘Did Martha Do It?’ game, unfortunately):

Donald Trump Thinks Martha Stewart Is a Total Catch

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I’m not really sure that an endorsement from Donald Trump on your date-ability is really the best thing you could have if you’re trying to find a nice guy to shack up with on Match.com, but that’s exactly what Martha Stewart got this week. You see, Donald and Martha are old friends and he thinks any guy would be lucky to have her. I’d say! Have you tried her basic pancake recipe? Her buttermilk chocolate cupcakes? Have you felt the softness of her towels? I rest my case.

In any case, instead of sending her a text or an email, Donald decided to take to Access Hollywood Live to wish Martha good luck in her search, which is… sweet or something?

“I know Martha very well… I like Martha a lot,” Trump commented. “She looks fantastic and whoever gets Martha will be very lucky… She’s a very good woman.”

Trump also offered his thoughts on the kind of man who would be a good match for the wealthy and well-to-do Stewart.

“She’s going to need a really confident guy or a man with absolutely no confidence whatsoever,” he joked.

“There’s no in-between, [I] think probably the no confidence would be better.”

Yep, nothing makes a man or woman more attractive that absolutely zero belief in themselves and lots of self-doubt. I can see the cartoon hearts flying out of her ears right now!

In all seriousness, Martha is amazing – it can’t be long now before someone tries to put a ring on it, right? (Good luck on that – Martha ain’t that easy!)

Seriously? Martha Stewart Is Joining Match.com

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Martha Stewart, former criminal (anyone think back on how weird it is that she actually went to jail?) is going to look for love on Match.com — but under a fake name. In an interview on The Today Show with Matt Lauer and chief executive of Match.com Sam Yagan, Lauer asked if she would consider marrying again. Ms. Stewart paused and said, “depends.” When asked what she was looking for on Match Stewart said,

I’d like to have breakfast with somebody. I’d like to go to bed with somebody. You know, sleep with somebody.

They then cut to Lauer, who looked shocked.

The Daily Mail provides more quotes from the Interview. Mr. Yagan, again the chief executive of Match.com, told her,

I think finding a soulmate for you might be a little bit difficult, but I think first dates are easily doable.

Wow, way to rep your site and TOTALLY SAY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT ALL OF YOUR COMMERCIALS CLAIM. You know the Match.com commercials: “This will be ~~an everlasting love~~” plays while actors couples smile and hold each other and babble things like, “I can’t believe I found my soulmate on a dating site!”

Stewart’s first Match attempt didn’t end well — because she couldn’t even finisht he application.

I tried filling out the application . . . but I started to laugh halfway down the page – it was, like, impossible!

Unlike the Britney Spears online dating rumor, this one seems legit. At this point in her life, Martha Stewart is clearly in a, “F-ck it” mode. GOOD LUCK, GIRL! Let’s hope none of your suitors read your daughter’s book.

Martha Stewart’s Daughter Writes a Really Unflattering Book About her Mom

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Holy crow. When I first heard that the book didn’t exactly show Martha in a favorable light, I automatically thought, “What, did she forget the pretty crinoline bows on the Christmas presents that one year,” and “Aw, it must have been terrible growing up with America’s craftiest, homiest mom, word.” But then? I actually read some excerpts from the book, and guys? It totally blew all of my predispositions about Martha’s child-rearing away. From the book Whateverland: Learning to Live Here, written by Martha’s only daughter, Alexis Stewart, and her radio show co-host, Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, the bathroom habits Martha engaged in:

“Mother always peed with the door open. I remember saying, ‘You know, now I have friends over! You can’t do that anymore! It’s gotta stop! My friends’ parents don’t do it! Give me a break here! I don’t feel like being embarrassed! It’s exhausting! I’m a kid! Stop!’”

And then on her pet hygiene:

“My mother has a sign on all of her doors to take your shoes off. For god’s sake! My mother’s dogs piss and shit on her rugs and she’s telling people to take their shoes off?”

Um. Alexis on holidays around the Stewart abode, and how they weren’t what you thought they’d be:

“She used to make me wrap my own presents. She would hand me things right before Christmas and say, ‘Now wrap these but don’t look inside. [Halloween wasn't much better.] There were no costumes. There was no anything. We turned off all the lights and pretended we weren’t home.”

Alexis on the culinary queen’s cooking skills:

“There was never anything to eat at my house. Other people had food. I had no food … There were ingredients but no prepared food of any kind.”

And finally, Martha’s only daughter, her own flesh and blood, says about Martha’s grandparenting preference:

“A woman lived near us when I was little had married someone very wealthy and very unattractive, and my mother actually told me when I was a small child, ‘Now Alexis, if this ever happens, you make sure you have sex with somebody else to have their baby. Don’t have his baby.’ She was very practical about it. It was a survival skill – you have someone rich and ugly who takes care of you, and you have someone who’s hot and makes attractive babies.”

The, um, book comes out October 18th. Are you guys going to read it, or would you rather your high opinion of America’s Domestic Goddess not be tainted any more than it already has been?

25 Things You Didn’t Know About Martha Stewart

Remember a couple years ago when making a list of “25 Things” that no one knew about you was all the Facebook rage? Well, US Weekly has just caught on to that trend and they’re having celebrities share their secrets. Martha Stewart’s list is… hilarious

1. I tend to keep a light on near my bed when I sleep (about four hours a night) so I can write notes or do work when I wake up.

2. When I travel, I like to bring my own fresh lemons, just in case they don’t have them on the plane.

3. Some of my fondest memories of childhood were sitting at the kitchen table eating white onion sandwiches.

4. I only beat my father at Scrabble once.

5. I just finished writing my 76th book.

6. When I first wake up, before the sun rises, I say hello to all the animals on my farm.

7. I have four horses, 200 chickens, two sheep, three miniature donkeys, five cats, three dogs and 25 red canaries, and I’m a beekeeper.

8. I’m not a big fan of fragrances in anything — that’s why Martha Stewart cleaning products are fragrance-free and color-free.

9. This past Thanksgiving was the first time I didn’t make my own turkey. I went out to a restaurant with my daughter and friends.

10. I love the Yankees.

11. I like baking more than cooking. In fact, I have a new baking series, Martha Bakes, airing on Hallmark Channel in January.

12. When I was a young girl, I helped my brother trap muskrats in Nutley, New Jersey.

13. I recently tracked polar bears on a working vacation in Northern Canada.

14. I have a very dry sense of humor.

15. If I wasn’t doing this for a living, I’d be a teacher or maybe a veterinarian.

16. My favorite home-cooked meal is scrambled eggs.

17. I love Eminem.

18. I paid for my college education by modeling.

19. I am most comfortable in jeans and a work shirt.

20. One person I would love to meet is Barack Obama.

21. I do yoga every day for an hour.

22. I’m perfectly happy with a liverwurst sandwich.

23. I’m a closet tech geek. I’m obsessed with my iPad, my Droid and my new Samsung Tablet.

24. I have over 2,040,000 Twitter followers.

25. I listen to lots of rap music in the studio of The Martha Stewart Show [which airs on Hallmark Channel at 10 A.M.].

First of all, I worship Martha Stewart, so reading little fun facts about her life kind of fills the void of not being her actual Facebook friend. Secondly, Martha loving Eminem comes as no shock to me for some reason. Same with her love of rap music. I can so easily imagine Martha getting down on some thug shit that it actually concerns me.

Martha Stewart Knows How to Work the Pole

Yesterday Martha Stewart had a pole dancing instructor on her show and now, of course, there are clips of it everywhere on the Internet. No, she doesn’t freak it or anything, but you will definitely raise an eyebrow when you watch this. Martha knows what she’s doing. She’s done this before. And isn’t that what we love about Martha? She knows she’s kind of like a robot, she knows she’s on the frosty side, but she also knows when she’s being funny. When she says “She got me on the pole!”, it sounds more like she’s mocking them. There’s a undertone of “You bitches think I’m doing this for you, don’t you?” there, for sure. And then she lifts up her leg. Love Martha. She’s gangster for days.

Stars’ Halloween Costumes

Valentino Garavani

I hope you’re all getting into some debauchery tonight. Like I said earlier, it’s the one night of the year when you can dress like a slut, a freak, or a creep, and people won’t think you’re insane or hold you accountable. It’s just like living in Hollywood.

Celebs are taking advantage of the same opportunity. Katie Couric was spotted sporting this year’s ubiquitous Kate Gosselin costume while the hosts of the Today Show went the Luke & Leia route. Fashion designer Michael Kors dressed in a detailed hippie costume while designer Valentino (above) dressed up as an Oompah Loompah. Oh wait… that’s not a costume.

Would someone please tell me what the hell Martha Stewart and Mickey Rourke are supposed to be? I tried to figure out their costumes, but the best I could come up with was “tree trunk” and “Mickey Rourke.”