Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Gwyneth Paltrow Eschews Mirrors

Gwyneth Paltrow and others appeared last night at the grand opening of Fontainebleau Miami Beach.  What is going on with Gwyn?  Let’s be fair: there are some things you have no control over.  Breasts that extend from the bottom of your ribcage up to your collarbone?  Nothing you can do about that; that’s God’s cruel joke.  But the dress, completely unrelated shoes and reverse skunk stripe of roots all could have been thwarted by any compassionate stylist.  Or full length mirror. 

Sixty-seven year old Martha Stewart was there as well.  I don’t know if it was prison or surgery or what but she still looks terrific.  I included pics of Jason Lewis because don’t we all deserve a little visual handjob?  And in the case of Terrence Howard, the answer is yes; the pants were also printed jacquard.  Ya.

Oh, and when you look at the pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio, just know that she had a baby less than three months ago.  And also know that I’m typing this post from my elliptical machine and have sworn off food.

16 CommentsLeave a comment

  • holy shit, are you fucking serious that martha stewart is sixty-fucking-seven years old?????!!!

    oh, on another note, eb has been running a little slow lately, what’s up with that??

  • I believe its the odd low cut of the dress that are making her boobs look like that, and I’ve never understood how women feel comfortable in items cut that way, she may not have much but it feels like if she reached out to hug someone they’d all fall out.

  • That is the strangest variation of armpit-boob spillover that I’ve ever seen. Are her girls trying to escape from that dress? Choke her for wearing it out in public? Does she have rolling boobs the way some people have rolling veins? I’m intrigued.

  • Did anyone else notice how long Terrence Howard’s fingernails are? Ewwww. Is that a new fashion statement amongst men?

  • Chick in long black dress, a crazy ballerina who obviously forgot to wear her straight jacket to go with the hat. Terrence Help Me Hugh Hefner Howard and his fugly nails. Yuck. Don’t know the face but the short white dress must be a parachute, literally in it’s down time. I love Gwen’s dress. Ditto on the whole hair, boob, shoe thing. Not a dress for her, and I would have loved the shoes in brown or white or completely different..Ambrosio Looks great. Her silver dress–I’ll pass. Shiny disco balls comes to mind.

  • Gwyneth has been trying to dress “edgier” since coming out of breeding hibernation but I agree Wendie, a mirror and/or stylist might have allowed her to remain on the edge instead of plummeting into the abyss.

  • gwyneth noooo. that does not look okay. that makes her entire chest area look so… weird and SO WRONG.

    oh and martha stewart looks f*cking gorg for her age.. seriously. i want the name of her dr for when i get older… hot shit.

  • I’m told by another site that Gwyneth is related to Elizabeth de Villiers, the reclusive london writer from kensington who lives in buckinghamshire with 4 dogs – gwyneth used to vist her once a month in her Range Rover, so locals said, and enjoy a drink in the local 400 year old pub. Apparently she’s quite an intellectual – unlike Gwyneth!