Gah. The thing is? There’s actually people out there who are seriously that stoked about something like this. I know I probably sound really jaded, and it’s coming across borderline rude, but come on. It’s just kids’ names. It’s MARIAH CAREY‘S KIDS’ NAMES. I know that, like, some people are really into certain celebrities, but even my most favorite celebrities wouldn’t even register a small ‘squee’ if they gave birth to kids and were dangling the kids’ names over my head like a fresh, oil-dripping French fry (what? I happen to really, really like French fries). Because that’s what she’s doing. She’s making her fans guess the names, and before you get all crazy and start screaming how that’s almost statistically impossible, she gave her Twitter followers a clue: the kids’ names both start with M (um, surprise surprise).

Ready, set, go! Thoughts on Mariah’s twins! What are their names gonna be? WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES GONNA BE?!

After being pregnant for what seems like, I dunno, nine years, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have finally welcomed their twin babies into this very special world we live in.

From People.com:

Carey, 42, delivered the babies Saturday at 12:07 p.m. EST at an undisclosed hospital in Los Angeles. Carey’s representative, Cindi Berger, confirmed the births to The Associated Press, saying the baby girl was born first, weighing 5 lbs., 3 oz., and was 18 inches long; her brother was next, at 5 lbs. 6 oz., and was 19 inches.

And it was just as Cannon, 30, predicted. “I’m not trying to be a psychic, but we renew our vows every year so … It’s probably going to be in the hospital this year. I can feel it,” Cannon said Thursday when he guest-hosted The Talk. “We got the minister coming in, so this gown will not be a wedding gown, but a hospital gown.”

Fun fun fun!

The twins have yet to be named (do we have another Tom and Gisele situation on our hands?) but Nick has said that while the babies names wont be “crazy,” they will be “unique.”

Do those two even know the difference between those two words? Looking forward to telling you guys that there’s a couple of rich twin babies with the names “Butterfly” and “Jesus Christ II” floating around out there.

Because if I’m forced to look at another self-portrait featuring Mimi’s baby (babies?) bump complete with oil pastels, I’m going to lose it. Granted, she’s got a rather fine bulge going on there, and I’m sure her babies are going to be wicked cute, but enough is enough already, you know? I get it – you’re excited about your babes, Mariah. It’s probably never going to stop. You’re gonna be one of those mamas who posts photos of every single mini-milestone in your kids’ lives, and that’s alright. But you need to cool your jets for a few minutes, girl. You’re gonna drive dem babies crazy.

Photo courtesy of People, courtesy of Mariah’s Twitter.

Remember when Nick Cannon was all “maybe my kids aren’t going to want to see naked pictures of their parents”?  These are the pictures he was talking about.  And I’m going to have to congratulate Nick on what was probably the best call he’s ever made.  I’ve seen a lot of messed up things in my life, but these photos are downright harrowing. Mariah‘s tummy is certainly overwhelming, but Nick’s foolish “Mariah” tattoo in that swirly font across his shoulder blades?  That’s what’s going to haunt me in my dreams.

Images courtesy of Amy Grindhouse

DAMN, babies. How does this woman stay upright? Girlfriend’s kind of made of small frame to begin with, so it’s gotta be hell getting up out of bed in the morning. I remember, back in the day when I was pregnant, how hard it was for me to pull myself out of bed in the morning – and I was only carrying ONE child inside.

Mariah, way into the duration of her pregnancy, claims that though she was nervous to do the celebrity-obligatory bare-ass naked pregnancy shoot with Life & Style, she was eager to ‘document’ this ‘once-in-a-lifetime experience.’

She looks great, and I’m glad that she and Nick are gonna be parents, but I have just this one question – what the fuck’s up with her bellybutton? That’s no normal pregnancy bellybutton, especially for twins – she’s either had that thing sewn up in the past, or she politely asked to have it ‘shopped off just for the magazine cover.

I think that when Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married, pretty much everyone was like, “Oh, shit. These two are crazy,” but it turns out that Nick might actually have some sense. This morning on his radio show Rollin’ With Nick Cannon, he spoke about his recent realization that his unborn twins (AKA “dem babies”) may not appreciate the nude photos he and Mariah have all over the house once their born.

Nick explained, “My children are going to have to see these pictures. It’s a little weird. It’s a little nasty. I mean, have you ever seen your parents naked?”

Why yes, Nick. While seeing your naked mother in the locker room at the Y after a swim class is one thing, seeing large portraits of your naked, pregnant mother and your naked, practically teenage father might be a little bit disturbing. Then again, they’ll also be exposed to the Ring Pop diamond ring you bought your wife a last year, as well as your yearly wedding ceremony so maybe you should just accept that your whole clan’s a little… different.