Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Leonardo DiCaprio

‘The Great Gatsby’ Trailer is Here!

Wow. This is almost nothing like I envisioned it to be, but then again, we are talking Baz Luhrmann, who did ’96′s ‘Romeo+Juliet’, which was like an acid trip in a movie theater. Honestly, I’m kind of disappointed, because I think a lot could have been done with a ‘Great Gatsby‘ reboot, but now we won’t actually see my grand vision for at least another two decades when they decide to to a remake of the remake of the remake of the original once more.

I’m kidding. This movie and everything it entails looks absolutely amazing. Not amazing enough, you know, to go out and see it on Christmas Day or anything (who actually does that? Do you, or someone you know, go out and hit up the movie theater on Christmas Day or Christmas Night? Because I know that I’m usually cuddled up on the couch all day long eating and opening presents and drinking wine and watching fabulous movies that are hardly ever on network television and the last thing—the absolute last thing—I want to be doing is leaving the house for any particular reason whatsoever), but it looks pretty f-cking fabulous nevertheless.

Thoughts on that and, of course, thoughts on ‘The Great Gatsby’? Aside from how Leonardo DiCaprio was a brilliant choice for Jay Gatsby, and how Tobey Maguire still makes people want to slit their wrists because he sucks so hard?

Leonardo DiCaprio’s Girlfriend Is Sad That He Doesn’t Bathe

A photo of Leonardo DiCaprio

And yes, I went all the way back to July of last year to find a good photo of Leo looking like he needed a good scrubbing. What of it?

Ok, here’s the story. Leonardo DiCaprio has a new girlfriend. She’s a Victoria’s Secret model (surprise!) named Erin Heatherton, who is gorgeous and also enjoys bathing frequently. Leonardo DiCapro, on the other hand, is not a Victoria’s Secret model who is ok looking and would rather just not when it comes to taking a shower. You can see where the issues would arise, right?

From The National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend is making a huge stink over his hygiene! Leo avoids underarm deodorant and daily showers in his bid to help save the planet – but his personal environment has completely turned off his gorgeous galpal, model Erin Heatherton, say sources.

Erin is nauseated by his abbreviated bathing schedule, not to mention the rancid recyclables that pile up at his house, according to insiders.

“Leo has let his love for the environment take over his whole world, and it’s killing his love life,” a friend told The Enquirer. “He only showers a couple of days a week to conserve water, and he considers deodorant to be ‘unnatural’.”

Leo is also an avid recycler, but sources say he often misses the pickup days, and the rotting refuse results in a funky-smelling kitchen. Leo went “green” years ago, but his environmental obsession is giving Erin that sinking feeling. And that’s bad news for Leo, because it’s said he’s finally ready to settle down.

“Erin loves him dearly, but she’s starting to feel like Leo loves the environment more than her!” noted the friend. “Eric has warned him to clean up his act and his hygiene… if not, he may wind up chasing off the woman of his dreams.”

Ok, I’m going to take a moment to be completely real and say that sometimes I only shower every other day. Those times include the time that I was too depressed to do anything but sleep, watch Roseanne reruns and eat ice cream, and the time that I hurt my back and literally the only way I got out of bed was by my boyfriend picking me up while I was screaming and crying. But also, sometimes I just don’t leave the house. Sometimes all I do during an entire day is talk to you guys, play with my guinea pigs, and watch Lifetime movies, and I don’t feel bad about skipping a shower then.

But this isn’t about me, this is about Leonardo DiCaprio and about how our situations are not the same. There’s a difference between letting a day go by without bathing and letting rotting garbage pile up in your house, right? One is like “whatever, get off your ass and get in the shower,” and the other is more like “you have a problem, and also you have a desperate need for cologne.” And I don’t think it’s totally shallow for that last one to be a deal breaker for Leo’s girlfriend, do you?

Stills from The Great Gatsby!

photo of the great gatsby pictures photos 2012
I don’t know about you guys, but when I heard that Leonardo DiCaprio was slated to play Jay Gatsby in Great Gatsby 2012, I was pretty stoked. I’m not a huge fan of Leonardo, but if I really thought hard about it, there probably wasn’t another snotty, pretentious actor who could really pull Gatsby off. Tobey Maguire cast as Nick Carraway, now, eh. I think they’d have been better advised to cast someone like – ahem – Ryan Gosling in the role of Nick Carraway, but hey. Life isn’t always fair and sometimes you end up with two main actors who think their shit doesn’t stink in a movie based on one of your favorite books.

Stick a Fork in ‘Em, They’re Done: Blake Lively and Leonardo DiCaprio

photo of leonardo and blake pictures dating yacht photos pics

Oh no, what’s Blake going to do now, aside from capitalize off of her COMPLETELY AWESOME nude photos? Continue doing the Gossip Girl thing, sans big-time-boyfriend fame? Find other yachts to hang out on in the Mediterranean? Do an album? Or hell, maybe she’ll fold the whole thing over and go the Michelle Williams route: writing love letters for a living. Or, OOH. Sous chef. Point is, Blake can’t act her way out of a home “photo shoot,” and the only thing she really had going over the past few months was the fact that a monster movie star boned her on the regular – one who didn’t try to cover it up, either.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s J. Edgar Trailer

Is there any real secret behind Leonardo DiCaprio‘s success as one of the biggest actors in recent film history? Well, as far as I’m concerned, no. He’s just chosen for/chooses good films. Does that make him an amazing, unrivaled actor? Well, no. I think it’s more than he’s been around, transcended the child-star thing, and has maintained longevity in big-name films.

But you’ve got to admit, these films do him well.

Also, that’s it. I’ve had it for today. There’s some big, creepy guy in a trucker hat drinking his coffee and sitting directly across from me in the lobby drinking his coffee when he could be sitting sixty feet to my left in the little cafe/eatery area WHERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DRINKING COFFEE. And he’s staring at me. And he needs a shower.

I love hotels.

Leo Gave Blake’s Dad a Coloring Book

A photo of Blake Lively with boyfriend Leonardo DiCaprio, via Splash News

…Aaaaand that’s the whole story, right there in the headline. Radar reports that Leonardo DiCaprio gave Blake Lively‘s dad a coloring book for his birthday.

There’s such a good joke in here somewhere, but I can’t quite wrap my head around it. I’ve been really dull lately—I think I might have some kind of brain-eating bacteria or something. But yeah, anyway, back in Texas we used to tell this one Aggie joke, and it went, “Hey! Did you hear Texas A&M’s library burned down? It was tragic. Fortunately, they salvaged most of the coloring books.” *Rimshot!* Yeah, that joke really isn’t very good. Don’t tell it at parties. People will hate you.

What I want to know is whether it was an awesome coloring book, though. Like, say, the Law & Order coloring book, or maybe the Gangsta Rap Coloring Book. Ooh! Hey! Those would make lovely gifts! Maybe for a housewarming party? I should be writing these down.