“Art is a lie. And every day I kill to make it true. It is my destiny to exist halfway between reality and fantasy at all times. They call me “theatrical,” but I posit profusely that I am theatre, and that theatre is me. I am a show with no intermission. It is this thing that summons me from the depths of reality and reminds me that the power of transformation is endless. That I (we) possess something magical and transformative inside?—??a uniqueness and specialness waiting to be exiled from the depths of our identity. I have said before that I am a master of escapism, which many attribute to my wigs, performances, and my natural inclination to be grand, but perhaps that is also a lie. Maybe I am not escaping. Maybe I am just being. Being myself.”

- Lady Gaga reaches new heights of pretentiousness in her latest article for V Magazine.

I never wanted Lady Gaga to get to me like this. Of course I dislike her and of course I can’t stand the vast majority of her music, but honestly, I feel a little bit of rage. To be fair, it’s probably because I’m so fragile from Harry Potter, but Jesus, would I love to just punch her in the throat.

In case you haven’t heard, I positively adore theatre, I couldn’t even begin to tell you how much. And I could probably respect the hell out of this quote if, you know, it didn’t come from the girl who sings the absolute dumbest songs and is just a damn joke. I can’t even stand it. I’m going to have to walk this one off, you guys.

Feel free to bash Lady Gaga and/or praise the magic of theatre in the comments!

My boyfriend just texted to say that it feels like 102 degrees Fahrenheit in Chicago today. And on the last day of Pitchfork, too! (OK, it might not be 102 degrees right now because, through the mind-blowing science of Internet Time Travel, I am speaking to you from Today’s Past to tell you about the Bible Belt heatwave.)

Anyway. It was in the 90s in New York City today, and Lady Gaga sure dressed the part, clomping down the street in silly patent-leather boots and not much else. I actually approve of her ensemble, because I am a pragmatic person who can very occasionally justify somebody else’s leather bikini, with just one caveat: I can smell her from here.

Also, while I know that celebs can walk around New York City without being mobbed by fans, is this safe? WHERE IS GAGA’S SECURITY DETAIL?

And Lady Gaga needs a security detail, because—as reader Simon Jadis pointed out earlier today—the Divine Miss M is coming for Gaga’s ass.

The city is Gaga’s catwalk, via Splash News Online:

We all know that Lady Gaga and her beauty routine are predictably gross, so even though this little piece of news that her hair is falling out, causing her to turn to that time-honored product, Rogaine, comes from The National Enquirer, I’m inclined to believe it. I mean, we’ve all seen Gaga’s tired ass bleached hair, we knew it was coming sooner or later.

Here’s the piece from The Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Here’s the bald truth about Lady Gaga – totally freaked because her hair’s suddenly falling out like crazy, she’s desperately daubing her scalp with hair-restoring Rogaine during her Monster Ball Tour, reports a concert spy!

“She’s extremely upset, and goes ballistic backstage because whenever she drags a comb through her frazzled, over processed, bleached tresses, hair’s everywhere – in the comb, on the floor, in her hands! It’s literally falling out! She calls it her ‘head of glass’ because it breaks off… like glass.”

Gaga’s praying for a Rogaine miracle, but hairstylists gave her this hardheaded advice: Stop bleaching and start wearing wigs until your hair’s healthy!

So basically all I can see in my mind right now is that scene from The Craft, you know, the one where the bitchy girl sits in the locker room, all crying and whining because her hair started falling out in clumps in the shower because she was such a bitchy bitchy bitch? Yeah, that, except with Lady Gaga.  So I guess with this post all I’m saying is “try not to bleach your hair too much” and “how awesome was The Craft?”

Apparently Nick Jonas can still draw a crowd – his recent performance at a Microsoft store had tons and tons of squeeing, swooning young women, and what trendy trendsetter would be complete without his very own rendition of a popular Lady Gaga song?

What do you guys think?

“If you were to ask me to remove my Philip Treacy hat at a party, in truth it’s the emotional and physical equivalent of requesting I remove my liver.”

Um, call me totally ignorant, but I don’t even know what a Philip Treacy hat is. I mean, I can use those mad context clue skills learned back in second grade to determine that 1) it’s a hat, and 2) it was either made, or endorsed, by one Philip Treacy, but that’s all I’ve got on that. Moreover, why does this broad have to be so damn dramatic all the time? “… The emotional and physical equivalent of requesting I remove my liver”?

Bitch, please.

It’s Lady Gaga’s first time in Taiwan, where her fans are craaaayzeeee about her. Like, they might actually be crazy.

Here’s a Mandarin-language news report (with subtitles!) about Day One of her visit:

On the second day, Lady Gaga rested.

She finally left her hotel last night and spent an hour at Pure Yoga, as 500+ fans swarmed outside.

This morning Lady Gaga left Taipei for Taichung, where the mayor gave her a key to the city and declared Sunday Lady Gaga Day. One fan wore—no joke—an actual pig’s head to the key ceremony.

Another fan entered a “creative outfit” contest (and won!) wearing black feathers and a cage, both to symbolize discrimination against homosexuals and to celebrate the “Born This Way” anthem. The contest, like the Taichung event itself, was sponsored by Mercedes-Benz, which explains the brand loyalty of Gaga’s enormous car detail. (It took 40 vehicles to escort one woman to her hotel? Interrobang.)

Lady Gaga will be in Taiwan five days in all. She’s there to promote the album Born This Way; its launch event is tonight.