No, not THAT one. Kourtney Kardashian has a kid named Mason with Nuva Ring supplier Scott Disick. But wait, no so fast, says model Michael Girgenti aka “Premo Stallone.” He’s filed a paternity suit. He’s demanding a paternity test. He’s saying the kid IS my son. Because of all the unprotected vaginal intercourse they had. Some more clinical details from TMZ via Celebitchy:
Michael Girgenti claims in legal docs — filed Thursday and obtained by TMZ — he met Kourtney during a photo shoot in August, 2008 (above). Girgenti says they connected and began a texting relationship for 3 months.
Girgenti says in legal doc things heated up by March, 2009, when Kourtney allegedly told him she and then BF Scott Disick were “on the outs” and “she wanted to hang.”
Girgenti’s suit then describes an alleged sexual encounter in Glendale, where he says they had “unprotected vaginal sex.” He adds, “I ejaculated inside [Kourtney's] vagina.”
Kourtney’s lawyer sent him a letter back basically saying, Screw off. He’s saying, that kid Mason looks nothing like her second child, Penelope, that’s practically proof right there. Here’s a side-by-side comparison Celebitchy made:
Yeah, I don’t know. This isn’t really evidence, so try again, Fake Stallone.
The Kardashian family is always and forever in each other’s grills, so it’s no surprise that Kourtney has plenty of opinions on how Kim needs to be raising her new baby. While Kourtney has done the whole stay-at-home mom thing (who’s also stayed with an alcoholic with anger and ego issues…), Kim wants to take the baby on the road with daddy Kanye when he embarks on his world tour in the next few months. Kourtney thinks that’s a terrible idea; Kim thinks Kourtney needs to STFU. Oh, the drama.
From Life & Style (via Radar Online):
However, her older sister is concerned that Kim’s celebrity lifestyle isn’t going to change now that she’s a mother and with Kanye’s world tour schedule Kourtney has said that Kim isn’t doing the right thing by taking the baby out of the country at such a young age.
“She was disgusted when she learned Kim plans to take the baby on Kanye’s European tour so soon after the birth,” a source told Life & Style magazine.
Kim was not happy about her big sis trying to tell her how to rear her child. “They had a big argument,” the insider said.
Kim blasted her sister and other moms previously, saying they had “boring and miserable lives,” and the report says that Kourtney is concerned that her sister’s opinion hasn’t changed.
“Kim gets off on the crazy lifestyle,” a friend close to the reality star told the magazine. “She loves the buzz of taking 10 flights in three days and always having her hair and makeup teams around and staying in luxe hotels. But she needs to know that’s in the past, at least for now.”
The Kardashian family bond is very strong, especially between the sisters, but Kim becoming a mom has apparently worried her older sister.
“Kim does whatever she wants, and she’s always been self-centered, so Kourtney’s been disappointed so far.
Well, duh. I mean, did anyone actually expect Kim Kardashian to be a good mother? Sure, the kid will have plenty of money and nannies or whatever to look after it, but let’s be honest: a self-obsessed fame whore is not your ideal parenting candidate. Add in the fact that North’s dad is even MORE of a self-obsessed egomaniac with a serious lack of a grip on reality, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
Sometimes, bad things happen to good people in this life. The “good people” in this situation are THE ENTIRE WORLD because apparently we’re going to have to endure a Kardashian family porn spoof. Why God why? Kim, Khloe and Kourtney – and yes, momager Kris, too – will all be portrayed by actors and will go at it with… each other? I don’t even know.
It’s the closest thing to a Kardashian family sex tape you’ll ever get … a K-fam porn spoof — and everyone from Kim to Kris … and even Khloe are getting the XXX treatment.
TMZ has learned … porn star Kiara Mia — star of “Bra Busters 4″ and “Shrimp Fried P****” — is taking on the Kardashian fam in her directorial debut … a parody of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”
We’re told there are no plans to mock Kim’s infamous sex tape with Ray J in the film — but a Ray-J-alike will make an appearance during a sex scene between not-Kim and not-Kanye.
A porn star playing a porn star — doesn’t get more meta than that.
I mean, in a sense, I guess I’m surprised that this didn’t exist already. But I guess considering Kim made her name (and the entire family’s, for that matter) on an ACTUAL sex tape. Nevertheless, this whole thing sort of makes me want to throw up in my mouth a bit. I know some of you pervs will download it, though.
They say when you have multiple children that you should (and usually do) love them all equally, though in different ways. I imagine this unspoken rule is null and void, though when one of your kids puts out a sex tape that puts your entire family on the map and manages to pull in more money for you in a week than your other kids do in a year, combined. Such is the case with Kris Jenner and her brood – Khloe, Kim, Kourtney, Kendall, Kylie… and Rob. We like to forget about Rob whenever we can.
Khloe Kardashian appears on the cover of the new issue of Cosmopolitan, and her interview is… vaguely depressing. It’s probably meant to be enlightening, but it’s pretty obvious that momager Kris favours Kim over the other girls. You gotta treat your cash cow right, don’t you?
“I’d never manage my kids. We gang up on Mom and that has to be so hard. Now I’m getting older I feel sorry for her rather than resent her.
“[Once my mom told me] I was gaining weight, but she was talking to me as a manager, like I was ruining a brand deal. It’s hard to understand that and it’s more hurtful when it’s coming from my mom, but Kim is definitely her favorite.
“It doesn’t bother me. They’re so similar – they could be the same person.”
I know it seems like she doth protest too much (and seriously, who WOULDN’T care if your siblings were favoured over you?), but maybe since it’s Kris, Khloe is being honest here. After all, the most attention Kris has ever given her was when she was begging her to take a DNA test to find out whether or not she was actually a Kardashian or a by-product of her old ass affair. This whole family just needs to stop.
Russell Brand might be a generally cool dude, but he’s also a f-cking weirdo who says some bizarre shit sometimes that makes me wonder what in the hell he was thinking, if he was indeed thinking anything at all. His latest foray into nonsense included joking about wanting a foursome with the Kardashians three – Kim, Kourtney and Khloe – and yes, that’s in spite of Kim being heavily pregnant (which seems to be even more of a turn on).
While guest hosting Chelsea Lately, the Kardashians interviewed Brand, during which he said (via DigitalSpy):
“I’m vulnerable to the concept of a KKK threesome,” Brand quipped, leading Khloe to say to the pregnant Kim: “Well, I heard pregnant p***y is the best p***y.”
The comedian went on to say: “I think pregnant women are radiant and beautiful and the idea of lactation is an interesting one.”
Brand went on to tease that his sexual experience with the Kardashian siblings would entail a “limitless, foaming river of milk and orgasm”.
Uh… I don’t consider myself to be easily grossed out, but that gave me shivers, and not in a good way. I mean, “the idea of lactation is an interesting one”?? Whatever floats your boat, bro, but keep it to yourself.
I’m no defender of the Kardashian sisters three – Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. However, I am a defender of basic human rights, especially when it comes to women, and Indian advertising company JWT took shit to the next level when they released an ad for the new Ford Figo which featured the reality stars bound and gagged in the car’s trunk as Paris Hilton winks and smirks from the front seat. Uh, okay.
The tagline for the ad – which features another not-meant-to-be-released incarnation that’s just offensive: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi with similarly bound and gagged strippers in the trunk – is ‘Leave Your Worries Behind’, which makes zero sense. Basically JWT is asserting that anyone who could be causing you trouble (or seen as competition, I assume, in the Kardashian ad case?) can be handled by tying them up, gagging them and storing them in the trunk of your new Ford car. Have I got it about right? Okay, well, one more question, then: What the fuck?
Ford has offered an apology on JWT’s behalf and the ad agency’s parent company swore that the images were uploaded to the internet without their knowledge or permission, but it still begs the question of WHY THEY WERE EVER MADE AT ALL. But whatever, I guess common sense isn’t an inherent trait in all humans. In any case, the Kardashians aren’t taking this lying down and are considering suing over this whole thing.
From Yahoo! OMG:
“The ‘leave your worries behind’ Ford ads are disgusting, vile and offensive to all women,” a Kardashian attorney told “omg! Insider.” “It is unacceptable that Ford would align itself with an ad agency that would so carelessly release these ads. The Kardashians do not take this lightly and they are exploring all of their legal options.”
Fair enough. It’s not like they need the money and more often than not they’re doing this more from a “damaging the Kardashian brand” stance rather than a feminist and, you know, basic human being one, but whatever.
I can’t even believe I’m writing about this, but Sunday night on Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, the Kardashian sisters got into some serious shit when they decided to become scientists and perform their own experiment. Khloe hears that drinking pineapple juice makes your vagina taste sweet and reports this to Prego and Braindead. That’s ridiculous, but it doesn’t keep Kim and Kourtney from trying it, rubbing themselves all over napkins and then having Khloe sniffing those same napkins to put it to the test. Just… gag me. Khloe has no shame about this whole thing either, saying (and I quote), “We’re sisters, if I can’t smell their pusses, what else are we supposed to do?”
Uh, I can come up with a very long list of things. How about starting a book club or going on a hike? You could also learn how to knit, watch the entire series of Arrested Development on Netflix, take a nap, “write” your memoirs, bake a cake… are you getting my point here? In no time does “smelling one another’s private parts” come into play. What the hell is wrong with these people? I’m disappointed in Khloe in particular. She was my favourite – now I can’t even look at her without wanting to vomit, so I guess I’m on the same page as the rest of the world, now.
You can watch the full episode – if you want to lose your appetite for the rest of the day, that is – below: