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Kourtney Kardashian

The Kardashians’ New Show Is Basically Being Filmed in The Slums of Miami

A photo of Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney Kardashian

Yeah, the latest Kardashian show, the one with Kim and Kourtney in Miami? The show that no one cares about? I think we’ve mentioned it at some point. Anyway, it seems like some people actually do care: the people who would be the poor, tortured souls living next door to the Kardashians.

From Radar:

Filming has begun as Kourtney & Kim Take Miami -– but this time they won’t be living anywhere near glamorous South Beach!

According to Belle Isle Blog, the Kardashian’s hopes of renting a beach home on the Sunset Islands, DiLidi Island and on North Bay Road were blocked by irate neighbors who didn’t want the hassle of having the reality-TV stars on their doorstep. The family needed signatures from immediate neighbors of the prospective homes they wanted to use for a three-month period of non-stop filming – and a support of 90 percent of homeowners within 500 feet. However, most residents kicked up a stink – complaining that the film crews and paparazzi would prove a disruption to their normally tranquil neighborhoods.

It has meant that Kourtney, Kim and Khloe – who has been filming with her older sisters – have had to settle for a base nearly 14 miles away from trendy South Beach in gloomy North Miami Beach.

“They found a gated community in North Miami Beach,” Raul Gonzalez of Miami Beach’s Office of Film and Print confirmed.

But despite their abode being in a desirable gated community, RadarOnline.com has learned the area the 51,000 square-feet property is far from safe.

“The area is known for its hourly hotels, strip clubs and high crime rate,” a source revealed. “It’s a far-cry from their usual posh digs, with just a 7-Eleven and an abandoned old bank close by.”

On Wednesday, filming for Kourtney & Kim Take Miami got underway – with the two protagonists taking the eldest sister’s kids, Mason and Penelope to the Wizard of Oz interactive exhibit at the Miami Children’s museum.

The new season is set to premiere in January 2013.

Oh, that just sounds so great. Really, it does. I would love to watch it if I thought they’d embrace their shady neighborhood, but mostly I just think they’ll hide it. Like, if Kourtney and Kim are taking kids to a children’s museum, I don’t think we’re going to see any field trips to the old abandoned bank, you know?

Kourtney Kardashian Looks Refreshingly Average Post-Baby

So Kourtney Kardashian gave birth about six weeks ago (as you remember; she named her little daughter ‘Penelope’), and instead of bellyaching about her forty-five pound weight gain (well, after the fact, anyway), Kourtney claims that she’s not in any rush to get the weight off, and is taking the “it’ll come off when it comes off” stance on things, which I completely and totally admire.

From Us Weekly:

“I’m 5 feet tall, so that’s a lot. While I’m here around the house I just eat healthy. However, she is not looking to rush off the weight due to how physically demanding it was following Mason’s birth. “I’m so embarrassed that I punished my body for a photo shoot. I’ve been obsessing about this weight thing a little too much.”

And in this picture, yeah, she‘s definitely looking a bit curvier than she has in the past, but she looks GOOD. She looks healthy and attractive and above all, pretty darn happy with herself (as she should be; those two kids of hers are adorable). No, the only weight I think she needs to lose is about a hundred and seventy pounds worth of something I call “dickbag,” and that happens to go by the alias of “Scott.”

Love It or Leave It: Kardashian … Ugh, Eyewear Now

photo of kardashian eyewear pictures
So, bearing in mind that I *am* a glasses-wearer (I just prefer them to contacts, because I wore contacts for such a long time that I finally got sick of them and the hassle that they were, as unbelievable as that sounds to some die-hard contacts wearers), try to remember this when I say how stupid Kim Kardashian looks in glasses. She looks flat-out dumb. Like, her face is just way too fancy and done up for something as simple and grounded as glasses (and I don’t mean the part about her face being too “fancy” in a good way, either). Kim Kardashian wearing glasses is like wearing sweat socks with your ballroom gown.

And you know what? That’s got to really, really suck for Kim that she’s so high above it all that she can’t even do the simplest of shit like have eyesight problems. It’s got to be some sort of highfalutin issue when you can’t even wear f-cking glasses without drawing criticism. Either that, or people just hate you, and I think it’s definitely that.

The other two girls, Kourtney and Khloe, actually look kind of charming wearing the specs, and I have to say, the look on those two is flattering. But Kim? No. Not at all, actually. Laws. It’s got to be so tough being the Perfect Bitch, you know? Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

What do you guys think about the Kardashian eyewear line (aside from the general “What the f-ck” reaction that probably plagued you all)?

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Kourtney Kardashian Had Her Baby!

A photo of Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick

From People:

A new reality star is born!

Kourtney Kardasian and fiancé Scott Disick have welcomed their second child, a daughter named Penelope Scotland Disick, born early Sunday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, reports E! News.

“Scott and I are overjoyed to welcome our precious angel Penelope Scotland Disick into our lives. We are forever blessed. Mommy and baby are resting comfortably,” the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star – who, with Disick, is already mom to 2-year-old son Mason – told E! News.

Their new arrival weighed 7 lbs., 14 oz. and was delivered via all-natural birth, according to the report.

“It was a great. She had an easy delivery,” matriarch Kris Jenner told E! “[Penelope] is so cute. She looks just like Mason. She’s so beautiful. We are so happy.”

Describing her pregnancy with Penelope, Kardashian, 33, told PEOPLE in April: “I feel really good … [though] this time I had a little more morning sickness. I think it’s a little bit harder being pregnant when you have a toddler I’m chasing after. Last time I could nap more.”

Am I in the minority by thinking that Penelope Scotland is a pretty adorable name? I usually think that naming a baby after a geographical location is sort of weird, but names like Brooklyn and Paris* have become somewhat popular, and I get that those sort of names usually have some sort of significance for the parents. But Penelope? I think that’s a lovely name.

Now we just have to see a picture of little Penelope Scotland and a video of Kourtney ripping her from vagina and we’ll be set!

*I went to elementary school with a girl named Paris Love. I was about 8, and I was like “man, if I knew what porn was, I’d think that she had an awesome porn star name.”

Look, More Quotes from Oprah’s Interview with The Kardashians!

A photo of Oprah Winfrey and the Kardashians

I can’t tell you why I’m so excited for the legendary Oprah Winfrey to interview all of the Kardashians, but I really, really am. Maybe it’s because I want to hear Kim talk about the divorce. Maybe it’s because I’m excited to see the whole family together. Or maybe it’s because I like to pretend that Khloe is my best friend, and besties totally support besties. I don’t know.

Regardless of the reason, my excitement remains the same. Or it did, until I read new quotes from the interview. After that my excitement shot way up, as if that was even possible.

It’s no secret that Kris Jenner is very hands on when it comes to her kids’ careers.

But does the momager overdo it as a manager and forsake her role as a mom when doing business with the Kardashian kids? In an OWN special airing Sunday, Oprah Winfrey sat down with Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Khloé Kardashian Odom and Rob Kardashian and asked what they thought about claims their mom was “pimping her children.”

“I think that’s so ridiculous,” Kim said. “First of all, we have to hire a manager. So regardless, someone is going to get that [job].

“No one will fight harder for you than your own mother,” she added. “She knows us. She knows all of our moods…We just get each other. We vibe. It works.”

The OWN mogul then moved on to another touchy topic: Would the Kardashians would be running an empire and enjoying the success they have today if they weren’t “good-looking kids?”

“Well,” Rob started, pointing to his three older sisters. “They’re not, like, skinny women.” (Khloé, of course, put her little bro in check, asking, “Who are you?” and sarcastically telling him, “You’re so sweet.”)

“I mean in today’s society, yeah, to be honest, probably not,” Lamar Odom’s lovely wife answered. “You have to have this bombshell over here [Kim] and this petite little bundle of joy [Kourtney] and this hunk next to me [Rob].” (For the record, Khloé, you majorly factor into that gorgeousness equation!)

“But we are all different,” Kourtney added. “We have different body types.”

“But I don’t think [our success] would’ve happened if we were all like skinny, pretty models,” Kim reasoned. “I think it has to do with us, the curves, the dark hair!”

She also thinks that the sisters “helped broaden” the representation of Middle-Eastern women in mainstream media, giving them a niche role as they rose to fame.

So. Excited.

Music and Video to Slit Your Wrists To on This Fine Sunday

Ahem. By the numbers, now, shall we?

:32 (this is going to be a long one, guys). Already I want to kill myself. How am I going to make it through the remaining four-plus minutes? Pack it in and hold on folks.

:41. Good thing Kendall and Kylie Jenner have their MOM to teach them how to dance like little whores on a boat. These two have a long road of fun cut out for them, let me tell you.

:55. Who are the wannabe-Kardashians? And why would anyone WANT to be a Kardashian?

1:11. KIM. PUT YOUR ASS AWAY.

1:18. Scott Disick is officially an embarrassment to all white men ’round the world.

1:22. KIM. WE KNOW IT’S YOU. PUT YOUR ASS AWAY.

1:27. Weird Kardashian brother. Stop pretending that you don’t want to hump Kim’s ass, weird Kardashian brother.

1:33. MY EYES! I’M F-CKING BLIND! BLIND! BLIND!!!!!!!!

2:12. … Still recovering. And only Kim Kardashian would spray tan in the Dominican Republic.

2:27. Told you it was Kim’s ass.

2:40. “Have sex on rugs that’s Persian.” Let me guess: YOU’RE PERSIAN, KIM, AREN’T YOU.

3:15. One of those Jenner girls probably has skin cancer today.

3:16. … And Bruce Jenner was definitely about to slap her ass.

3:22. Wait. Where’s Khloe and Lamar?

3:56. Why can’t this ship just sink?

4:13. Wait. Kourtney’s water just broke? LIARS.

4:17. Kris Jenner is really classy spouting “motherf-cker” all over the place.

And that, guys? Is how you get shit done on a Sunday morning. Dear God.

Kourtney Kardashian is Buying from Jessica Simpson’s Maternity Line

photo of kourtney kardashian maternity clothes pictures
I just lied to you—I don’t even think Jess’s maternity line is even out yet, so what must be happening here is that Kourtney raided Jessica’s maternity closet (what? She probably has one) and this was the first thing she could grab before being caught. It was dark. That’s the only explanation I have.

Here you see Kourtney Kardashian toting her first child, Mason, around while being all sorts of pregnant and wearing jumpsuits. One thing about this family is that they love ugly jumpsuits, for real. Granted, the color’s lovely (really lovely—one of my favorite colors) and despite being a virtual Hefty CinchSak, it actually is kind of flattering on the pregnant Kourtney’s bulbous belly, but it’s still ugly as sin. Ugly. As. Sin.

Luckily, we shouldn’t be subjected to these kind of bad decisions for much longer—rumor has it that Kourtney’s going to give birth any day, but she’s going to miss being pregnant. Kourtney recently Tweeted:

I love being pregnant! Such a magical and beautiful feeling. Feeling blessed!

Yes, magical and beautiful. So magical and so beautiful that girlfriend’s completely oblivious to everyone and everything around her—including ugly clothes. Oblivious.